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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2yo dd does not like her Uncle & he's really upset about it

9 replies

ManchesterMum · 13/12/2004 14:20

We live about 200 miles from my family so it is partcularly important for everyone that we make the most of the time we do see each other. The problem is that my 2yo dd keeps saying that she "does not want" her Uncle and he is becoming ever more upset by her very obvious rejection.

My brother has always been fantastic with children (& animals!) of all ages - indeed, little girls generally ADORE him - so dd's reaction has been particularly surprising.

Dd is fine with all other members of the family including my sister, my brother's girlfriend and my Mum's new partner. I know that this is really hurting my brother's feelings (though he tries to pretend otherwise) and he is desparate to enjoy time with his only niece.

Are there any similar stories out there? More importantly, does anyone have suggestions that might improve the situation?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Xmasspongecake · 13/12/2004 14:24

My dd used to be terrified of my brother. If she saw him she would hide her face and then fall asleep - basically passing out in terror! She was fine with all other members of the family.
Now she's fine with him though (aged 4)and has been for a while. Basically he bribed her with chocolate until she saw sense .

vict17 · 13/12/2004 14:25

my 2 year old neice is usually pretty shy around men but everyone says she'll grow out of it

spacedonkey · 13/12/2004 14:26

She will grow out of it, and he must try to be an adult about it and not take it personally!

galaxy · 13/12/2004 14:27

My niece (now 13) was petrified of my ex-husband until she was about 3 years old. There was no apparent reason for this other than the fact that he worked nights and she originally knew him as the man who slept in a dark bedroom (maybe it scared her).

One day, when about 3, out of the blue when we were all out for the day, she asked ex for a piggy back and they were fine after that.

I think it's probably just an age thing that'll pass with time. Try and help your brother to not take it personally.

StNickschik · 13/12/2004 15:39

My dd used to be like that with my dad and he used to get really upset that she wouldn't go and sit on his knee or talk to him etc. But he didn't really help the situation by sitting behind his newspaper and making comments to me like 'Can't you get her to be quiet I'm trying to watch the news etc.' and not getting down to her level and playing with her. However, once I'd totally lost it and we'd had a blazing row about 'what did he know about kids as he was never there when I was that age (he was in the Royal Marines!) blah blah blah and my Mum had a bit of a chat with him too he started to make much more of an effort. It's also easier now she's that much older and they can communicate propertly and she absolutely adores him now!
You dd will grow out of it I'm sure. WE used to show dd photos of the family so she knew who was who and got used to their faces.

POODLE · 16/12/2004 13:11

My 1 year old son is scared of women! Is that normal? He likes most women over the age of about 50, but young women around my age he starts crying hystrically when he sees them. He is the worst with my sister and she looks a bit upset sometimes. Any tips PLEASE!!

color · 16/12/2004 13:18

we hardly see our families being miles from them and we found that the best way with our children was if the adults could just ignore the children and chatter to us and eventually our children in their own time and often within 30 minutes would just see that everything was ok, mum and dad were having a good time and would want to join in. It was very obvious that this was the best way once when dh's BIL kept his distance but joined in the conversation and his wife wouldn't stop trying to get them to like her and within 30 minutes our dd started playing with BIL like he was her very best friend - it was lovely to see hope it helps but the adult really has to keep their distance until the child makes the first move which is really hard when they just want to hug them!

throckenrobin · 16/12/2004 13:18

can you work out why she doesn't like him ? Maybe his voice or his size ? Or maybe something he did ?

Maybe you can think of something for them to do together that she really likes - that might help build her confidence with him.

SantasLittleEgypt · 16/12/2004 15:53

i think like color says, let her go to him. my dd doesnt like a lot of people that she hasnt seen for ages. if they just talk to her from a distance and NOT take her the minute they come in, she gets used to them. once she has smiled at them a few times i know she is ok and is happy to be taken. bit different as she is 6 months but i think their thinking is basically the same.

can you show her pics of her uncle and talk about him before you go. perhaps bribe her in the sense of telling her lots of things he might play with her, etc.

he should def not take it personally. my mil does a bit with dd, but no matter how many hints i give her not to pick her the minute she sees her, she is determined that dd will like her and just does it anyway. bit selfish really.

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