I have two nieces who are 10 and 6. DN 1 whose 10 has never been disciplined until DN 2 arrived then the poor child was constantly moaned at and told off.
BIL and Sister have no control over their children at all - DN 1 hits my sister if she doesn’t get her own way. Neither listen to instructions or do as they are asked. If they have had sweets their behaviour is appalling and they are so nasty most of the time. DN1 pinches and hits DN2 but siblings fight I get that I did with my sister but I don’t think we were ever this nasty and calculated about it.
here lies my problem - I have always looked after them once or twice a week since DN2 was born (no one was allowed near DN1 as my sister was so jealous and worried incase someone thought DN was mine I’m 15 years older, or she liked other people more) but that’s my sister’s insecurities.
I have rules in my house and normally they both behave reasonably ok - as soon as sister or BIL show up to collect them their behaviour goes off the scale but I just say bye and send them straight off.
I now have a 1 year old and DN2 behaviour is just awful towards my son. She looks so sweet like she is cuddling him but she isn’t, she is squeezing him really hard, pinching him, grabs his face and sticks her nails into his face, pushes him over, hits him with sticks, stands on his feet or hands, tips the pram over, pushes him off the baby slide, the list is endless.
i have tried being kind to her, giving her a cuddle and talking about how it’s isn’t very kind to do these things and asked about her feelings and why she was behaves like this,
I have told her off, put her on the naughty step, distracted her and done another activity with her to have 1-2-1 time with me.
I have even said to my sister I can’t have her anymore as im not accepting this behaviour in my house to towards my son.
DN2 just honestly doesn’t give two flying F’s she is spiteful and nasty and when she does these things she has such a nasty look of malice in her eyes like she is enjoying hurting him.
She has done some of these things in front of BIL and my sister but they just say that isn’t very nice but she ignores them.
Im dreading our next family day - we all meet every 3/4 weeks for a family get together/ lunch as I know that I’m now at the end of my tether with my DN’s I don’t want to go but it’s unfair on my son to miss out on time with his cousins or to see his grandparents etc.
Any advice on what I can do to enforces to DN2 that her behaviour isn’t acceptable and how I can try to maintain our relationship as a Family?