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How do I teach my baby to fall asleep independently?

1 reply

Ophiesmum2022 · 04/07/2023 16:45

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Hi everyone. This is my first post on this website and could potentially be a long one. I really appreciate any response I get as I am in desperate need of help and feel as though I could dig a hole, crawl into it and d!e😊
Feel like I’m going in circles..

From 2-3 months old my LG (now 6 1/2 months!) was sleeping perfectly! Like a dream! 9pm to around 6am. But ever since she hit 4 months, she is up every hour or so panicked and crying to find she is not all snuggled up to my breast anymore. She slept in a next to me crib where I would roll over and pop a boob whenever she would start to stir. However after speaking to my HV, who recommended she may sleep better in her own room, I have started the transition into her own bed. This was around 3 weeks ago. Ever since then our sleep has became even worse which I didn’t think was possible. She has a ‘long’ stretch from around 9-11 at the very beginning (her bedtime is at 8 I just hold her for an hour) then after she wakes up from that stretch she’s up every 40 minutes or a little over.

I have been bringing her back into my room once it gets to around 2-4 in the morning as I would much prefer to just roll over and nurse her back to sleep as opposed to having to get out of bed and drag myself into the nursery.
But recently I have really enjoyed having my room back, being able to speak to my boyfriend before bed and move freely. I just wish she could sleep comfortably and independently in her own room. I have no idea where to start.

She has a very significant feed to sleep association. I know this is natural and developmentally fine for her to do so. However it impacts both of our sleep. She wakes up in the night and cannot put herself back to sleep because she doesn't know how to drift back off on her own! I don’t want to spend all of my money of a sleep consultant unless I have no other choice. She doesn’t take a dummy no matter what I do, she hates being rocked to sleep as she just cries and tries to find the breast and she will not let me put her in her cot awake- even if she is drowsy.

here is our daily routine

wake up is around 7:30
first nap 9:30-10:30
some purée for lunch
second nap 1-2
third nap 4:30-5:30
bedtime 7:30-8 depending on her last nap I try to leave two hours after

I have made sure the temperature is fine, dimmed/no lighting, loud white noise, heart beat sounds, bath before bed, book before bed, massage before bed and nothing seems to work. We have a pretty solid night time routine which consists of draw curtains, heartbeat noise on, nappy change, massage, pjs and sleep sack, followed by a feed which she falls asleep during.

So I guess I’m looking for advice for how to break the feed to sleep association and how do I teach her to fall asleep independently!
CIO is not an option for us
as gentle as possible please

from a VERY tired and depressed mama
thank you

OP posts:
Donhill · 05/07/2023 05:20

Hi Ophie, i’m sorry you are so tired! It’s a long time since I was in your situation (my ds are in their teens now), but I remember those days.
Firstly - there is a sleep section on here that might be worth posting in and reading as I am sure there will be many posts like yours.

Secondly, as far as I remember babies have a 40 min sleep cycle of coming into lighter sleep. So I wonder if you could put a mattress on the floor next to the cot, and go in there before she gets to 40 mins. Given you know she is likely to wake up anyway, if you get in there first it might stop her waking up fully. I used to put a hand on my ds (I think if I remember correctly I would sort of gently tap him!?!), get as close as I could but not pick him up, and just making soothing/shushing noises (I sounded like a wave!) as he got to around 40 mins. And if she cries, just try and keep going, so hopefully she is reassured by you being there but isn’t picked up. I think I just gave up on a couple of nights sleep and put the mattress there so I could be really close the moment my ds started to stir, as otherwise by the time I got to him he was fully awake and it all took longer. Ooh actually i remember I got my husband to do it the first night so I wasn’t tempted to feed.

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