How best to successfully discipline a 4 YO

[butchersbinvag]

Looking for advice...

DD just turned 4. Very bright, too bloody bright. Behaviour has gone downhill lately & now seems to be almost all day every day. When lovely, says please & thank you automatically, offers to help, generally very caring. When not feeling it, is a little swine. Talks back, shouts, generally rude.

I tell her off when these things happen, I don't let it slide. I have lost my cool a couple times I won't lie, & I've shouted, which has scared her as she can be sensitive, but usually I get down to her level & say something like 'is there a reason you're not talking very nicely to Mum/Dad?' 'We don't talk to each other like that' etc etc. I've made empty threats for some time of taking toys TV etc away. Now I'm going to have to follow through.

What have you found is the best way to successfully challenge this sort of behaviour so that it decreases? Im not expecting a miracle & for it to stop. She's human & allowed to be off sometimes. Would just be nice if it wasn't every other half hour. She's not bothered by stickers. So not sure a reward chart would be the way forward but open to anything else. TIA

What does “too bloody bright” look like in a 4 year old?

@Fiddlesticks82 So as an example, not interested in your standard forms of bribery/sticker charts/treats, etc. so whereas I see that work for a lot of friends kids, DD knows it's used as a method to try to promote her good behaviour, if that makes sense. Hence the reason I'm finding a suitable way to discipline.

*struggling to find

Both mine completely disinterested

yes one very bright
the other just slightly above average

@Fiddlesticks82 Have you found anything that works? Or really doesn't work? Trying to make a plan but I am at a real bloody loss.

I've made empty threats for some time of taking toys TV etc away. Now I'm going to have to follow through.

well start following through for a start

I never took toys. But I would limit TV and have cancelled plans we have made eg cinema / bowling when behaviour particularly poor and I have given chances to rein it in.

My eldest is almost the exact same age, and we try to keep consequences closely linked to the poor behaviour (much harder to claim it's not fair that way!). At it's simplest, if she doesn't ask nicely, it doesn't happen. 'Would you like to try saying that again, DD1?' is a common refrain here (whinging is her big one at the moment).

For bigger things, I wouldn't take away a toy if she's rude at lunch, say, because the two aren't related, but I might delay/cancel doing something with her after lunch (after a clear warning or two) 'because it isn't fun to play with people who aren't being kind/are talking like that'. Personally, I would generally delay, rather than cancel, and give her a chance to decide that it would be more fun to speak nicely and get to play that board game/tea party/football with Mum or Dad. So something like 'I've finished folding the washing. I'd be happy to play X now if you think you can speak kindly' and see what she says. I think they learn faster at this age if there's a chance to fix their mistake and get the benefit pretty quickly after the consequence.

I've never had to take it as far as cancelling a bigger day out, and I'd probably try to avoid that at just turned four (also tricky if you have siblings in the mix), but we've certainly delayed (and thus shortened) things like going to the park.