My nearly 12 year old daughter hitting me

[Jram02]

I'm so lost. I have 3 children 9,10 and 12. My eldest started secondary school last September. In year 6 she had a few problems especially early puberty, but was good in school. She's on SENco as she's had drama with anti social behavior from a neighbor, but lost a lot of school from COVID. She has been a whole different child since going to secondary school. She's getting exclusions, isolation, been in detention playing truant. Her behavior is terrible to the teachers , she has got into a toxic friendship group who then turned on her threatening to abuse her physically and mentally. The police had got involved over the bullying she was receiving. She had a safety plan in school so she couldn't get near the bullies and on a part time table. It worked well for 4 weeks I got my old daughter back. She was doing better in classes and was happier in her self.
Today was horrific the bullies befriended and she was silly enough to fall for it. She had been running round the school and shouting about. I got called in to try calm her down. I got to her and tried go to get her hand to take her into the office and she attacked me badly and but me so hard it's all swollen and bruised. It was so embarrassing as there were classes outside and teachers chasing her. It was so extreme. The school can't cope with the bullies and as they've got social behind them, they are protected so myuch more.

Has anyone else had any problems like this?

I'm so sorry, that does sound extreme. Have you had a meeting with the school and what have they suggested?

So she's getting support in school. She has a EBSA and TAC. The pediatricians won't see her, she's been with CAMHS they didn't do a lot except said they think she's got ASD. She has also been diagnosed with stress incontinence, so she wets herself at least twice every day. Social services aren't interested. The bullies have social workers that's why they are so protected. It's really sad as I thought I had got my daughter back then shes attacked me. She's exhausting. Thank you for replying to me.

You'll probably get a lot more help if you post in the SN Teens section as there are some experienced MNers in there.

Just wondering if she's on the Pathway for assessment for ASD?

Has your DD got a SW?

And has she been referred for help with the stress incontinence?

We've got to go private for ASD diagnoses. She has been referred to the hospital for the incontenence. I put a assessment in with children's services and they screened it and thankfully getting early help. I will post in teens as well. Thanks for replying

SN Chat might also be worth a try, the SN boards can be a bit quiet sometimes.

Has changing school been considered, given the extreme bullying problem? It sounds like her life and yours would improve hugely if she can get some proper distance from them

Hi OP,
I am so sorry to hear you and your daughter are having such a difficult time. Autism in girls can be harder to spot and social difficulties can in fact be one of the common difficulties. Did I understand correctly you have a private ASD diagnosis for her? Are able to access help from a therapist?
In your position I would be looking at separating her entirely from these bullies before she suffers any more trauma.
Does she have a Ehcp? With such extreme incidents going on like this I would expect the senco to be helping you apply for one. Push for it.
You could potentially use the ehcp to name another school which is better able to support her needs and will get her away from this terrible cycle with the bullies.
I am so sorry you got hurt when she was in the middle of her meltdown. It sounds to me like she is experiencing extreme autistic distress and burnout.
Are you able to get some help for yourself too? Just someone to listen. You must be worn out with worry.