How would you punish 5 year old ds who punched a girl at playtime and made her nose bleed?

[DrNortherner]

He told me he did this whilst in the bath tonight.

Girls were chasing him, wouldn't leave him alone, he punched one and she got a nose bleed. He had to go and see head master.

Dh told him it was wrong but that was all. No punishment, consequences, nothing. He's now gone for a bike ride in a huff cause I said he needs to do more disciplining.

I told ds he loses pocket money tomorrow, he's missed a story and he's in bed early crying and upset.

What would you do?

I've found that my boys respond quite well to the idea of making a card to say 'sorry'. It's then up to you whether you get it to the girl or not, it's the act of making it that helps them feel they're making amends.

If he told you that he had punched a child and the school had not told you then I would not punish him.

If children have done something bad and they tell someone they I think they should be admired for their honesty. If you punish them for being honest they will never tell you when they have done something really bad.

I would leave punishing to the school and just tell him that I am desperately sad to hear that he behaved like that.

If it was me I would want to hear from the school what actually happened (and agree with the earlier poster that it may well be imaginary or overstated) then I would rather than punish seek to explain why (for me) all violence is the wrong reaction - I feel that ensuring he understands that he made the wrong choice (if he did) and to think of a different choice next time he is provoked is the most important and agree also that it is important to keep him on your side - although appreciate the challenge of doing this at the same time as showing your disapproval. Good Luck

Oh and I really don't think that you should ever say no story for a punishment - I that at this age they should always go to bed happy whatever they've done. He's only 5 - and the school didn't telly you about it so obviously they think they've dealt with it. He was sent to the head, which is pretty big deal. I think a firm but gently conversation and soem way of making amends is all that's needed.

Thanks for all your input

It's really hard to know if you are getting it right isn't it?

I went to his room and I laid with him for a while and we chatted about how he can use words next time someone is bothering him. Sounsd like he had to say sorry to the girl while she had a cold compress on her bloody nose and he cried too when he saw the blood

We kissed amd hugged and tommorow is another day

I read this thread earlier and continued thinking about it

I think the fact that he told you off his own back knowing that his school hadn't speaks volumes for you relationship and your sons trust in you

I know its not a very nice thing to do (punch someone) but I bet it takes alot to admit it

That's lovely DrNortherner - sounds like you're handling it just right. As you say - tomorrow is another day.

Try not to do what I have to stop myself from doing and drag it up again - I am a past master at raking over old coals!

That sounds perfect DrN - think you got it right (IMHO)