Advice please re 3 year old behaviour

[CHUNKYMUNKEY]

Since turning 3 (now 3.4 yrs) I am finding things tough with my dd, she gets really upset if friends play with her toys,(but happy to play with theirs) she can't take turns, she wont share, constantly winging, always wants attention, interupts conversations or else has a major tantrum, throws things in rage and also hits out, usually me in the face. its getting to the point where i am starting to dread being with her, and us being around other people. Help! Is this normal for a three year old? and does it ever end? She never had the "terrible twos" and was really good with sharing and taking turns, she goes to playschool and we mix with other families with children, i work part-time and can spend lots of time with her, I'm wondering if i've done too much with her. if anyone can please give me some advice on handelling this, i really am at end of tether with it.

I'm really surprised that the balance of opinion seems to be that it's okay / normal for them not to share and just accept it. My 2.5 year old can have wobbly moments about sharing too, but I force the issue. She gets told that she has to give X a turn, and then after X has had a turn she can have another go if she likes. She generally accepts this - and she is no pushover, It's just something I have been reinforcing for quite some time. When I first started doing it there were tears and tantrums but she has got used to the idea now....and play dates go quite harmoniously.

Not sure about Aloha's analogy. When we as adults go around our friends houses it's usually for a cup of coffee / glass of wine and a chat not horseplay and messing around (at least I don't with my friends ). But toddlers aren't adults and don't get much out of companionably sipping a fruit shoot whilst discussing Cbeebies! - they interact through playing, and unless the kid down the road is going to bring his whole toy boy then resident kid must surely share?

wrapmefestively - I would like it if my friend down the road brought me a toy boy to play with

You dirty girl !

You knew I meant toy box you minx!

I agree wrapmefestively about the acceptance of lack of sharing/taking turns, i don't think im unreasonable about wanting my dd to do this at her age, im especially keen on the taking turns issue. I wouldn't dream of forcing her to share her favourite toys, some of these have been very special to my dd since babyhood, taking turns is something she needs to be comfortable with at nursery, at least most of the time. When we go to friends houses to play (which is only her two best friends) my dd always asks before she can play with something and always gets a "yes" reply or "im having my go, then you can have your go" which she accepts no problem. At our house its a completely different story, she says yes to her friends when they ask to play with something and then is in tears until she gets it back. I try to explain that she plays with their toys but she just cannot understand. On the hitting me front, this is subsiding. I have spoken to her about not doing it, that it hurts and amazingly enough it hasn't been done once today. i think a lot of this behaviour recently is down to the dropping of the daytime nap. dd had an hour's sleep today in her buggy as we went to town to do shopping and we had the best day so far since her b'day, she held my hand, didn't fling herself on the floor in rage about something and was a joy to be with and great company. here's hoping that this whole phase will end soon. I cannot wait!

Actually, I did say that turn taking is an important skill to learn. My POINT is that we expect huge levels of altruism from very small people (much more than we are normally capable of ourselves) when they are still growing their brains and literally aren't able to always control their impulses and emotions, and that we should cut them some slack. yes, we interact over a glass of wine, but if my friends walked in, opened a bottle of my wine, got a glass out of the cupboard and helped themselves, well, I'd be a little taken aback at the very least. I don't know about you, but I get antsy if someone is even reading my newspaper over my shoulder! It IS harder to 'share' your stuff than other people's, even as adults we feel that. I think it is normal for toddlers to find this difficult. Of course I encourage sharing and turn taking (and kindness, and not hitting and being gentle blah blah blah), but I also acknowledge that it isn't easy or always comfortable, and would use distraction and other techniques if the situation was getting sticky. They do get better at it with practise and as they grow older. I am lucky in that my ds is laid back and has never had a tantrum (yet!), and is reasonably OK with sharing stuff (largely because he's not really into toys much, I suspect) but I see his friends are more emotional or possessive and I don't hold it against them.

Ok I see where you are coming from on that one.....

Chunkeymunkey - pleased to hear that things are looking better with dd!

Know where you're coming from on the hitting front - arrived after a joyful first fortnight at the new nursery to be informed my dd had whacked her key carer. She was clearly feeling more trusting! The usual methods seem to be (slowly) working - immediate 'time out' afterwards, and otherwise a VERY quick grab with the hand if the little fist starts to fly. Mine has said she likes hurting other kids and people (e.g. a little girl of 18 months she kept attacking - she later said she loved her), probably because being not yet 3, she can't understand that we feel pain like she does.