Late communication skills or ASD or something else

[BoyMom776]

First time posting on mumsnet so no idea if I’m doing this right. I usually just read everyone else’s threads trying to find stories similar to mine. Today has been a challenging day and I just need to vent.

I have a toddler, almost two. The happiest little kid most of the time. But today he has been miserable since breakfast and it’s got me even more worried about him than usual.

I have reason to suspect happy child has a language delay of sorts or possible ASD. I’m currently trying to just focus on things he CAN do rather than get bugged down on everything he isn’t doing yet because he is still so young but the sheer amount of tantrums I’ve had today has got me down. I’ve tried so hard to distract him with fun activities but he just isn’t interested and he gets so frustrated if you push even slightly.

I guess I am just venting because the whole idea I had about parenting… Every plan I had in place is slowly going out of the window and it feels a bit like the life I envisioned is slipping away. I know that if he does have some special needs that we will just handle it all as it comes and he is loved beyond measure regardless but I can’t help but feel I’m failing him somehow when he isn’t doing certain things.

Just wondered if any mums who went through this stage of not knowing how your child would develop managed to hold it all together? Any tips for just living in the moment and not constantly googling?

Thanks in advance. Again not really sure what I’m doing here… just sitting quietly reflecting and looking for something to do other than drive myself crazy on Google 🤣

I know what you mean about the life you envisioned @BoyMom776. My DD is older and is on the Pathway, we've had the first meeting so far where we've been told that she's showing severe ASD traits but have to wait up to two years to get a diagnosis.

At 2 she was non-verbal and had regular tantrums, and they're not like the tantrums from a NT child either.

If he's almost 2, have you spoken to your HV? I'd fill in the Ages & Stages for 24 months and ask your HV to score it and have a look at him.

He might just need a hearing test and some support but it's best for her to do this initial assessment.

Does he go to Childcare too? Have they raised any concerns?

Thank you for your reply @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto. It’s really hard isn’t it, and everything takes ages. I raised some concerns with the HV at his one year review because I felt that he had lost some of his skills and he had gone very quiet. He had been really unwell and had his immunisations and at first I thought he was just a bit withdrawn because of all of that but he never really picked them back up. Hes basically non verbal at this point. He says mamama and dadada but I’m still never sure if he knows that mama is used to refer to me if that makes sense. That’s all he’s really been able to say for the last year. He babbles constantly and I still live in hope that one day he will just take off speaking but so far no luck.

He had a hearing test and they said he did have evidence of glue ear but he passed the hearing assessment so it wasn’t too concerning at the time. He’s had a lot of ear infections so I am always hopeful that once that resolves it will help but you just never know do you. We’re waiting for his ENT appointment to come through so only time will tell.

He is in nursery and they never mentioned anything until recently when I asked very directly about self referring to SALT and then they mentioned a few things that they considered to be “red flags”. A bit annoyed they didn’t mention them before but I suppose they don’t want to worry parents unnecessarily. They’re aware of his ear problems so I assume they were waiting for that to resolve too.

How old is your little one now? And how are finding the pathway?

If you're on the waiting list for ENT and you know who you've been referred to, it might be worth ringing their secretary and letting them know that you're available for cancellations. I did this when my DF needed to be seen and got an appointment fairly quickly.

The other alternative is to pay if you have Health Insurance that will cover it or the money.

I'd definitely get back to the HV though and ask her to do the Ages & Stages I linked earlier. I'm a bit surprisedalthough not really, my HV was awful that she isn't doing regular checks anyway.

It took us years to get on the pathway, partly because she's a girl and masks wonderfully and partly because nobody would listen, I've even had a SENCO laugh in my face when I've brought up the possibility. CAHMS are worse than useless but the community paediatrics seem good, if a bit overwhelmed and slow.

Have you found the SN Children section yet? It might be worth having a look in there.

Wow thanks for your message @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto. I’ve spent the last few days really getting on top of things and chasing up with HV and ENT etc. I’m still in that stage of hoping everything is going to magically work itself out so sometimes I forget how much you have to fight to keep the ball rolling. Hopefully we are back on track now though.

I’ve done the ages and stages for 2 year olds and he’s not meeting any of the communication milestones so I’ve flagged that to the HV again and she’s now chasing up his hearing test etc too so we shall see how we get on.

I will definitely have a look for the SN children section but I don’t really know how to search for things on here properly yet 🤣 I never thought of myself as technologically challenged until I joined mumsnet 🤣🤣

Well done for getting those things done and contacting the HV.

If you go into the main menu, Special Needs is about two thirds of the way down