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Help I really don’t know what to do - ND six year old saying she doesn’t like herself

4 replies

Memorybook · 15/06/2023 18:56

I have name changed for this as I’ve spoken to friends about it, as I am so at a loss here!

I have a six year old DD who is home schooled. She is in year 1 and had a really rough reception year, so we decided to take her out. She doesn’t have any formal diagnosis, but after doing a lot of online research and some quizzes, I am pretty sure she has ADHD, not ASD (she scores very low for that but very high for ADHD).

She is very impulsive, full of a lot of energy. She also gets obsessed with things, like the Nintendo switch (which belongs to her older sister). She also has quite extreme mood swings and huge tantrums.

Lately she’s been telling me that she hates herself and that bad things always happen to her. Today she said she wished she had never been born! I have NO IDEA where she gets thoughts and words like this come from.

To look at it from the outside, she has a great life. She goes to two home school groups per week (drop off groups that is -she only likes one of them though), and every other day she and I do a fun activity or try and see a friend. (Seeing a friend sometimes goes really well and is sometimes fraught and emotional.)

How can I help her? I can’t relate to her at all. I don’t have the same life outlook, I don’t have obsessions, I don’t have mood swings, and I loved school! I am much more like her sibling in personality, who is bookish and contented. DH says he was like DD as a child, but his mother shamed him for it constantly.

I am at a complete loss.

Anyone? What can I do to bolster her self esteem? Or just generally make her life better?! It’s so depressing and draining and sad.

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YoungYankee · 15/06/2023 19:14

I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't have any specific suggestions to offer, but it sounds like she needs professional help. I remember saying/feeling similar things at around the same age, and I don't think my parents knew what to do about it either. I have a pretty good life now, but I still feel bad about myself not infrequently. I have no idea if there's something my parents could've done differently that would've made a difference, but it's worth looking into professional help, I think.

Memorybook · 15/06/2023 19:18

YoungYankee · 15/06/2023 19:14

I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't have any specific suggestions to offer, but it sounds like she needs professional help. I remember saying/feeling similar things at around the same age, and I don't think my parents knew what to do about it either. I have a pretty good life now, but I still feel bad about myself not infrequently. I have no idea if there's something my parents could've done differently that would've made a difference, but it's worth looking into professional help, I think.

Thank you, YoungYankee. I’m sorry you felt that way as a child too. Do you mind me asking what triggered it?

Tiny things going wrong for DD seem to trigger it for her (well, tiny-seeming to me!).

And do you think a child therapist? I’m not sure which kind of professional to look up. She’s not great at opening up when she’s not feeling the feeling anymore.

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Memorybook · 15/06/2023 19:43

Also - where do I even begin with getting her a diagnosis for something like ADHD if she’s not at school? I would happily pay for private appointments if necessary! I just want to make her life better. She’s found life tougher than her sister does since she was literally a newborn baby.

At the moment, I’m googling things and seeing if they apply to her.

The home schooling community seems to be full of children with ASD and ADHD, which is why those things are on my mind.

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Memorybook · 16/06/2023 07:29

Bumping this again - just in case anyone has any other advice!

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