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Behaviour/development

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Bitchy 4 year olds...

3 replies

sausagechips · 01/06/2023 15:16

My DD is starting school in Sept. Let me make it clear I am a sensitive person at times, I overthink things & she is sensitive too so I may be overthinking this but as she's my first I'm out of my depth & really not sure how to help her so any advice would be appreciated.

DD is very clever, hilarious, but also sensitive.

She's been saying lately about how another girl at preschool told her 'You're not my best friend/you're stupid/I don't like you' etc etc. I've told her in these situations, to tell a teacher & not to play with the girl again.

This has happened with a couple of the girls there over the last few months. I worry DD won't have any friends going forward. Like she may be an easy target as she gets upset/offended quite easily. I may be crossing bridges but she does take things quite personally if say, a group of them are all Playing & the rest of the group goes to do something else. She takes it very personally they've all gone off to play elsewhere, despite them not intentionally doing this to upset her.

She's a sweet little soul & loves nothing more than playing with the other kids. Anyone have any words of wisdom on how I can build her confidence/stop me worrying so much?!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Esmee89 · 01/06/2023 16:17

Not sure I have any advice but I want to reassure you that my daughter is just about to turn 4 (and also starting school in September) and the girls at her preschool are all doing the same thing - including her! She also often tells me I’m not her best friend if I do something she doesn’t like!! So I think this sort of thing seems pretty normal at this age!

I would hope though that if some of the children are insulting each other that the teachers would pick up on this and intervene! May be worth chatting to the nursery?

My daughter sounds very similar to yours in that she’s quite sensitive too in social situations with other kids! Would be interesting to see what others say but from what I’ve seen of my friends’ kids age 3/4 don’t seen the most confident socially and tend to prefer more one to one play, but 6 years upwards seem to be more social and can play in groups. That’s just what I’ve noticed anyway!

sausagechips · 01/06/2023 21:34

@Esmee89 It's kind of soul destroying it starts this early?! I have mentioned it to the PS. They try to adopt an attitude of 'we have no best friends because everyone are friends' but not sure how far that goes.

DD loves other kids. But here's a typical soul destroying thing to hear, she was with her Dad earlier & they bumped in to his friend & friend's daughter who is a year older than DD. DD idolises the other little girl. DD has just told me how the the other little girl told her she hated her, wouldn't help her tidy up toys despite DD asking her nicely, & something else I can't remember. It just breaks my heart & all I can say to her is 'X (other girl) must be unhappy to have said those horrid things, that's not being a good friend to you, it's not your fault & we love you'. But it doesn't stop her feeling sad. Wish I could make it better for her.

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PinkMimosa · 02/06/2023 07:20

X (other girl) must be unhappy to have said those horrid things, that's not being a good friend to you, it's not your fault & we love you'

I can understand you wanting to reassure her but I think you're just reinforcing to her how horrible the other child was without giving her a way of dealing with it.

When DD has been in a similar situation we've said something like "sounds like she's having a bad day. You don't have to play with someone who is being like that that, it's fine to find someone else to play with who is having a better day" or if it's not in a group and it's the only child there "it's fine to come and be with Mum & Dad if they're having a bad day".

She's a bit young for the books in this list on helping young girls handle relational aggression but you might want to read one of the books for parents that are suggested? They

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