Shuts Down

[purpleme12]

How do you deal with a child who shuts down.
She's 9
When she behaves inappropriately/badly and explodes and you try to talk about it with her after to try and explain the right behaviour etc etc
She just will not.
She just shuts down.
Won't ever talk about it.
How do you deal with this?
Aren't you supposed to wait till they calm down and talk to them? She just won't, shuts down.
I am a single parent and doing it all by myself and I can't even talk to my ex about it ( I know from a previous thread people think it's unreasonable wanting to talk about your child to him don't worry)
It's incredibly hard.
I used to think I'm dealing with her right even when she was challenging, now I've no idea half the time.

How bad are the explosions @purpleme12? Is she having them at school or just at home?

Just at home.

Well i think they're bad.
There's no rhyme or reason that I can see apart from she gets stressed or when things don't go her way (again sometimes fine other times are when she'll get angry).
She can't regulate her emotions.

So what's your gut feeling on this? You must be concerned to have come on here

My DD had meltdowns at home, ones she simply couldn't come back from, and we tried lots of things.

Eventually she's on the pathway for assessment for ASD & ADHD.

Do you think that might be an issue for your DD? Have you read anything on ASD in girls?

Yes I don't believe that it's ASD.
I know it's less obvious in girls and everything but it feels wrong about that.
You know?

I would be willing to consider the possibility of ADHD however I don't believe that we've got enough evidence for it. To answer the questions if you see what I mean.

But also how do I know she's not 'just' a challenging child?

But also how do I know she's not 'just' a challenging child? Well, by getting her assessed?

If you don't think she has ASD though, have you tried some books in dealing with emotions?

Have a look at the ones recommended by a Mighty Girll*.

Are school doing any work with her on emotions, like using Zones of Regulation?

There's a thread on the AIBU section about a 9 yo girl which you might find helpful too