Is he bright or just a diva?

[CherryBomb87]

Before I start, no, this is not a humble brag. I want to hear other people's experiences so I can better support my toddler.

My lo is 2.5. He has epic meltdowns and I mean epic. Most days we get maybe 5 normal toddler mini melts (I want milk, here's milk, aaagh milk! for example) but on a bad day it will be mega. Like you would think he's on fire or he's been bitten by a shark (but there's nothing - no eat infection, no temperature, no teething etc). I've driven him to A&E once only for him to stop crying just before we got there and ask for his favourite song on.

He is also very bright and gets frustrated extremely easily. He will escape every park and softplay, even escaped from one nursery room to another which has never happened to them before. I am rarely allowed to help, he wants to do everything himself.

He knows the alphabet by sight, in order, out of order, caps and lower, phonetically. He can identify numbers to 99. He can count (not just recite bit count how many ducks for example). He's memorised almost all the julia donaldson books (the big hitters at least) plus a number more that we ready often. I'd say at least 10 books by heart. He knows all the words to I don't know how many songs, all the nursery rhymes, 8+ songs about space, a handful of Disney songs. He knows about space - all the planets, their order, key facts (hottest, highest mountain, colours, size, storms on jupiter, gallilean moons, dwarf planets, asteroid belt, milky way and so on). He can identify them by sight out of order. Shapes including pentagon and hexagon. Colours including indigo and violet.

He shows no obvious signs of asd, he has an immense vocabulary but doesn't understand questions well yet.

Has anyone else experienced this behaviour? The extreme meltdowns or the easy frustration?

Is he very bright or am I just unfamiliar with toddlers? Are a lot at this level?

TIA

He shows no obvious signs of asd

The meltdowns and obsession with numbers could easily be signs of ASD @CherryBomb87.

If he doesn't understand questions very well, how does he score on this speech & language progress checker?

Hey @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto,

I looked again and you're right, he really does meet a lot of asd criteria - perhaps when I last checked he didn't or I missed it. He is very cuddly though and does make good eye contact. The speech and language checker doesn't give me a score but says I answered no to some important questions...

He's already had a hearing test because of his language delays but he "passed" his 2 year health visitor review. I'm seeing a HV Monday for my daughters review, I'll talk to them then.

Thank you

Do you know which tool the HV used to review him at 2 years? And I take it passed his hearing test?

I think if I were you, I'd call the SLT helpline, from the progress checker I posted earlier and talk to them before seeing your HV.

Then I'd do the Ages & Stages for 30 months. You should be able to find a scorecard on the internet quite easily.

I'd take the Ages & Stages with you to the appointment, if there are any concerns at all I'd ask for a referral for assessment. Don't let her adopt the "wait & see" approach. The waiting lists are so long now that you want him on the waiting list as soon as you can.

And so come on over to the SN Children section, there are some experienced MNers in there who can answer any questions that you may have

Thank you so much, that's really helpful 😊

He's such a bright lad and a real character, it just breaks my heart seeing him melt down so often or extremely and not knowing how to support him or what he needs 😔

He's such a bright lad and a real character, it just breaks my heart seeing him melt down so often or extremely and not knowing how to support him or what he needs

Definitely come on over to the SN Children Section and ask for help with the meltdowns and communication

Oh and there's a speech delay support thread on MN somewhere, which might be helpful too

I basically echo everything @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto said, but I'd also have a look at the 30 month social-emotional questionnaire (https://www.socfc.org/SOHS/Disabilities%20Mental%20Health/ASQ/ASQ%20SE%2030%20Months.pdf).

Can you pick out any patterns to the serious meltdowns? It might not be the obvious thing he's melting down about, but might be triggered by other things that are happening or have recently happened. Tired, hungry, and not had enough exercise are very common ones, but it could also be things being too loud/bright/busy, or having difficulty going from one activity to the next, or many other things. I think some people try jotting down whatever they can remember about what was happening just before/during the meltdown to see if it helps spot a pattern.

Thank you, that is all really helpful - I'll have a look at the social emotional questionairre.

His main triggers have always been food (from a baby he'd be fine until he could see a bottle and then he'd scream the house down. Until a few months ago this was still happening, he would scream the whole time the toaster was on, then once he had it, absolutely fine. Happened even when he wasn't hungry and he does it at nursery as well). His other key trigger is temperature, if he gets too hot or cold it's metdown city - he runs hot so he gets warm very easily. I'll keep an eye out for the others, I haven't been able to figure them out.

I'm pretty sure my DH is on the spectrum and he absolutely hates being warm.

'He shows no obvious signs of asd'

Honestly the whole time I was reading your post I was thinking, sounds like autism to me. You can either contact your GP, health visitor or speak to nursery staff and tell them you suspect your DS has autism and want it to be looked into.

You just described my DS who is on ASD spectrum. He was an exceptionally bright toddler and is a really smart kid. Photographic memory, amazing math and vocabularies. He asked where his daddy was gone when he was 17 month old and I said to the shop and he asked again why.

His tantrums were epic. I still remembered those days I got hit in the face, and cried in the public space many times. He is great lad now, socially struggling still but doing amazing academically and much better emotionally.

Good luck.