Behavioural difficulties in five year old boy

[Beach83]

I have a very strong willed five year old boy who has always been tricky from a baby when he cried lots and didn’t sleep well etc. As a toddler, he had frequent large tantrums which often lasted a while and were utterly exhausting for all of us as a family. He only went to nursery for two days a week but never really liked going - would always cry lots on drop off and then continued to often have emotional outbursts whilst he was there. Some were extreme e.g becoming so distressed over something that he would try to take his clothes off and stand on tables screaming etc. He was told he couldn’t go to forest school as he fell out with another child and ended up trying to run away from the group he was with in yet another emotional state. He is now in reception. He did struggle initially with school - lots of tears going in and then a few phone calls from the teacher of incidents that had happened. On one occasionally he even got so distressed at the end of the day that he pushed open the classroom door and tried to escape from school at pick up time which is obviously a safeguarding concern from the school. Just all so heartbreaking. He has settled well now and is happy going in but still is having these emotional moments and needs a lot of support from the class TA. School have been really amazing with him and I can’t fault how they handle him. They reward him at the end of each day with a trip to see the school animals if he ‘stays on target’. He is not a nasty child by any means, he just reacts so strongly to situations / other children/ if he feels hard done by etc. My latest worry for him is that he is getting distressed at the end of the day when other children try to talk to him as we walk home - he comes out of school very tired and just wants to get home which I understand but I just don’t understand why he can’t regulate himself slightly better? He shouts at them and throws his scooter on the floor etc - I just find it so hard to deal with and slightly embarrassing to be honest. I feel like I’m always on edge with him which is really exhausting.

I am wondering if there is something else underlying going on that we haven’t picked up on. I’m a teacher myself and just can’t put my finger on why he behaves like this. We have an older daughter who is very straight forward in comparison. Has anyone got any advice or words of wisdom?! Thanks for reading 😊

Honestly @Beach83 it sounds as though he may have ASD

Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted plus having meltdowns and needing additional support in the classroom can all be traits.

Could you ask if their SENCO could observe him?

It's probably worth asking if he can be referred for Assessment and get an ECHP in place so that his needs are being met.

The SN Children and SN Chat sections on MN are very good. You might get a few more replies if you ask @MNHQ to move your thread into one of those

I can’t work out how to find my original thread so have just used a different username!!

Thanks so much for your reply. I have considered ASD but he doesn’t have lots of the typical traits although of course can’t rule it out. When he is less tired and able to regulate himself better he actually behaves fairly ‘normally’. I watched him at a birthday party just now and he played beautifully with the other children - not a single moment of upset or anger and that is usually normal for him in those situations, especially as he has got older. Saying that, I can see him getting very tired towards the end so I guess I’m able to quickly usher him out which is harder for school to do in a longer day.

I am definitely going to raise it with the school again as I haven’t spoken to them properly for a while. I sort of hope that with time, his stamina will increase and that will reduce some of the behaviour that we do see at certain times as when he does have a ‘moment’ it certainly feels quite extreme. Who knows! I think about it all a lot!!

Saying that, I can see him getting very tired towards the end so I guess I’m able to quickly usher him out which is harder for school to do in a longer day.

I think we get so used to managing our DC's behaviour when they're like this that often, we don't even realise we are doing it.

Like you say, school are less able to make those adjustments.

My DD definitely didn't grow out if her "quirks" instead High School started and puberty hit and all hell broke lose.

I really would encourage you to seek an assessment. Afterall, if he's not got ASD they'll tell you

Yes good advice - I really appreciate it. Sorry to hear you’ve been through it yourself. Having a child with more complex needs is certainly a challenge!