I would really appreciate some help as I'm feeling really sad about this.
My DD (first born) was fine at nursery. Joined school, and (contrary to how I would manage behaviour), spent almost the entire year on the "sad step" which is for children misbehaving. That teacher resigned due to stress, and it became apparent the school have issues with this class: essentially too many SENco in one class (recent assessments/diagnosis) and cannot move the children to other classes so their class is referred to as "high needs" and assessed more regularly than most. this is just background as perhaps important to set scene and also explain what my daughters "first experience" of school was (one theory is- she has given up trying, why bother she spends the whole week on the sad step and misses out on "treat time" as a result).
My DD: I thought for a while may have ADD. Mainly - high energy; constant chatter noise movement etc; ALWAYS told that she cannot listen, focus etc. I have asked the school repeatedly if I should get her assessed (GP won't assess unless school refers) and they think not. They have suggested assessment for ADHD for other kids but dont think that is a problem with my DD.
This year (1) has been okay... difficult in parts. She hit another child in her class. She was caught at a party stealing a chocolate bar from a cafe. She doesn't listen. She is always so very sorry. Genuinely, writes me letters and notes after the event, cries, says "do you still love me" (very hard that one!) But then, with all best intentions - something else happens
My OH works abroad as of recently, and tbh I got things under a strict regime. I work full time and have wrap around childminder care, so I am fully aware I am not physically around as much as I could be, but I make an effort to put them down every night, spend 30 mins with them minimum in the morning, try drop off sometimes and spend my entire weekend with them. I do my best ! as we all do!
I thought things were improving then my OH came back, and with excitement etc...my DD started behaving badly again. the "not listening" report came back from school and the childminder. Then I got a call that she had wiped some excess glue from her hand, onto a school mates jumper when they weren't looking and was caught. The teacher told me my daughter "clearly has no respect for her class mates".
We put her on a plan with her teacher where she needs to get 3 gems a day for 4 days and I will organise a special outing/park trip etc to reward her. First 2 days successful. Today - disaster. Finally got out of her that she didn't like the pen colour she was given, so she put it in the bin in the hope they'd give her another. A boy saw her, dobber her in, and the teacher disicplined her, said no gems, and she needs to write with a pencil for the rest of the week.
I'm at a LOSS! Please someone help me. Do you think something else is going on? We have caught her lying quite a bit (not harmful lying, more "creative stories" like oh my cat knows how to do really cool tricks" etc) , and clearly some "sneaky" behaviour is getting in (lying; stealing the chocolate bar; putting the pen in the bin) and worse (hitting a class mate). She seems to think she can bend rules or work around them.
Interestingly, I am told her learning is not affected - she is the best reader and "speller" in her class and her maths is a high standard.
I am willing to move her schools; pay for an edpsych assessment; spend more time with her: ANYTHING. I just dont know what to do. Any books people recommend? I've read three and they all focus on listening/co-operation behaviour and lying etc at home. But I can control home - its school I can't control!
Does she need smaller class sizes (30 in current school)?
Does she need more academics (is she unchallenged / bored?! no one at school has pointed out if she is!)
Does she need a more strict environment? or a more nurturing environment?
ANY advice welcome! I adore my DD and really want to enjoy parenting her a bit more! I feel so sad and upset all the time right now.