regression?

[janx]

I have an 11 week old baby and a 3.5 year old. My dd has started wetting the bed at night - when she had been dry for some time and tonight she did a pooh in the bath. I am not sure how to handle it - I let her know that she is a big girl and that wee and poohs need to be done on the loo - but she does not seem to take it seriously - I don't want to tell her off about it, but I do want her to take it seriously - any ideas?

I can't give you any advice on this situation exactly but I think it's quite common for older kids to 'regress' when there's a new member of the family. There is only 18 months difference between my two DSs and when number 2 was born the oldest suddenly refused his beaker, only wanted his bottle. It's a very tough time for them. My guess is that she needs more attention the rest of the time - maybe you should try to spend some special time only with her throughout the day, and not tell her off the change in her behaviour, although you are right to explain to her that it needs to be done in the loo! Is there a specific time of day during which she misbehaves? Evenings-nighttimes? Maybe you could spend special time alone with her just before her bath/bedtime?

I would agree about spending more time with your DD. Mine was 2.5 when my DTs were born and when they were 3mths old she started to wet herself and get very upset about being left at nursery 2 mornings a week.

I used to try and arrange for my mum to come over during the week even if it was just for an hour so I could take her out for some special time. Or I would just make time to have a bath with her on a Sunday morning which she loves, or do something with her while the little ones were asleep at lunchtime instead of cleaning up etc.

dd1 was 19 mo when dd2 came along and didn't regress but did have more tantrums. dd2 was 3 when ds came along and has certainly tried regressing ! Wetting pants and bed, talking baby talk, tantrums over nothing etc...however ds is 9mo now and lately they have really bonded ! Its helped dd2 feel more grown up that ds sometimes needs and likes her, and plus I tell her she will always be my baby, no matter how big she gets 1
So try not to worry, ignore it is probably best, give as much attention and reassurance as you can, let her be a bit babyish again if it makes her feel secure.

Hi
I do try and make special time for her - took her swimming last week while my mum looked after the babe - I feel so knackered at the moment though with night feeds. Feel guilty that she is not getting enough of me - will try and make some more time - thanks for advice

I felt really guilty too. I think at about this time your older child realises that this baby is for real and isn't going to go back from whence it came! You sound like you are doing everything right, and I guess as your baby gets a little older you will all settle down in to your new family life and your DD will adapt. I mean they have to don't they. And my DDs phase of being upseet/regressing didn't last long, although at the time it really tests your already frayed patience! All the best