Potty training ...........Alibubbles your advice needed please!

[Melly]

Alibubbles if you're there, I would really appreciate your advice. Have posted on other threads about early potty training but thought I would start another. My dd is now 16 months and she will quite happily go on the potty, usually better if she can hold a toy or something. She has sat on the potty reasonably happily since the age of about 10/11 months. When dd was about 13 months I found out I was expecting another baby, had a horrible first trimester with nausea, spotting etc and now with the amnio behind me, (now 19 weeks) I am starting to feel much better, and feel guilty that dd's potty training has sort of gone off the boil. My aim is to have her potty trained at the latest by about late Feb/March time (baby is due mid April).

So, to get back to the point, not sure whether to go for it now or wait until she is about 18 months? If I go for it now, not really sure how to "take things to the next level", i.e should I put her on the potty at regular intervals, or try pants or even maybe try terry nappies so dd is more aware of being wet etc. I have excellent support from dh and also my Auntie who is dd's registered childminder. Auntie has three grown up children and has looked after probably 30 odd children in her career as a childminder and I believe most of her charges have been pretty well trained by about 2 ish at the latest.

I feel "ready" to start and honestly think dd is "ready" just need a few tips to get us going really.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

My ds was trained by 30 months despite a BIG hiccup when his baby sister arrived mid-potty training!e.g. looking me straight in the eye and weeing on the carpet in front of me, whilst I was breastfeeding newborn. So we stopped training for a while and stuck him back in nappies so he had one less thing to beat us up about in revenge for us producing a rival!(hv advised this). B

But I don't regret trying before the new baby came as when, a couple of months later we started taking him to the toilet every hour (despite screams of protest) he knew what to do. Didn't bother with the potty at all, as isn't really necessary. The hardest part is not forgetting to take them, as they won't tell you until they are already weeing in their pants! everytime he wet himself (once/twice a day) I had to remember it was really my fault for getting distracted not his.

Then it suddenly takes a momentum of its own and he started ASKING to go, followed by him actually GOING on his own, and now he is brilliant in the day, but still nappied at night. I think potty training is like everything elses in a baby's life, its easy when its learnt, and you forget how far they've come!

so top tip is to PERSEVERE and expect lots of accidents!

We started at around 18 months with our dd, but we didn't go into it very seriously. The experts now say that a child is not ready to start potty-training until they are 2 as their bladders are still not fully-developed enough.

We used to put her on the potty at certain times during the day when we knew she would probably wee, potty-timing they call it. This was quite successful, though she still wet and soiled her nappy. No2's were a bit easier as you can tell when they are doing them and haul them on the potty. We also started using non-disposable nappies so she would feel uncomfortable when she weed, and it acted as an extra incentive for her to stay dry. But mainly she dictated the course of the potty-training. Oddly enough she started being dry at night, then slowly she would have intervals during the day when she would be dry. She would start telling us when she wanted a poo, and eventually she would tell us when she wanted a wee.

She is now 2.6 and fully potty-trained. However I know she is quite forward in that respect, other mothers are still training theirs. We have the odd accident, but it's very rare now.

My tip is not to push it, just let your child dictate it. Don't make it into an issue at all, be pleased with her when she does anything in the potty, but don't show disappointment when she doesn't. Above all you need lots of patience and a sense of humour!

Hi Melly!

Glad to hear that all is well with the pregnancy and that you are a little more relaxed about everything.

If you feel that you are happy to continue and that you have the time and the patience, I would continue in a very low profile way. Don't pressure her at all (I'm sure you won't) continue to reward her with praise when she perfiorms and just ignore the accidents.

Is she able to say she wants the pot? My DD couldn't really say wee, but if left knickerless she would run to it and perform of her own accord. She could only say poo at 18 months and we never knew what was going to come!

I think it is a good idea for them to feel wet, so don't rush to change her pants etc, I used terry cloth pants from John Lewis which were very absorbent. When I trained DD, nappies weren't like todays, the best you could get were Peaudouce, then later Pampers came out, they used to reach her knees when wet!

Like Rhubarb, I found that she was dry at night a few times first of all. She would have a paddy pad in her nappy and I would have to change her at about 11pm or the cot would be soaked. I was so worried when I went to change her and it was dry at 11pm and then at 7,00am, I left her nappy off and rang the doctor at 9.00 as she hadn't wet for over 12 hours, whilst on the phone she let go of her bladder all over the kitchen floor!

She was reliably dry during the day at 16months, I left nappies on at night until 18 month and then just left them off to see if she wet, but she didn't.

I also had DS dry day and night at 18months, he just copied DD, (only a year apart) He was no problem, everyone said boys would be different and a lot harder work. My mother says she had us all dry at a year, but then don't all mothers! I have seen my Christening photos at 14 months and I am wearing knickers!

I think I was very lucky, but all the children I have looked after (like your Auntie) have all been dry before 2. I would say the average age is about 20 months.

The little boy I look after at the moment was dry day and night together at 22 months, he has never had a single accident, unbelievable but true, but big bro is nearly 5 and still needs a nappy at night.

With Aunties support and your family I'm sure you'll get there. When newbaby arrives, just remember to pot DD before you sit down to feed, or as I did, collect the pot, a drink, a biscuit and a book so you don't need to get up again. You can guarantee this is when she will ask!

I firmly believe in introducing the pot by the time they are walking, at bath time and first thing in the morning, it doesn't matter if they don't do anything, it's just getting used to the idea. Especially as some kids freak out at the idea! I find that early walkers are ready sooner than late walkers, must be something to do with coordination and development.

Good luck, you'll both be fine

Ds (3 today)is dry in the day but needs to be taken to loo - won't always tell us he needs it. However he won't do a poo until we put his bedtime nappy on. I ask him if he'd like to do a poo in his potty or on the toilet each night before I put his nappy on but so far he's adamant that he wants to do a poo in his nappy. I accept this and don't push the issue. I'm confident dp and I have done nothing to suggest that doing a poo is in anyway unnatural! He will have seen other children perform at this childminders.

Has anyone else been in this situation, do you have any suggestions? This has been going on for about five months now.

Alibubbles, many thanks for your reply, that's a great help and much appreciated. I will try to get hold of some terry pants as you suggest.
I'll let you know how we get on

Pluto, have you tried making a big thing about how clever it is to poo in the potty/toilet? Or rewarding (OK bribing) him to do it. I don't think it's unusual at all as I've heard many frineds say they have had the same problem - it always sorts itself out eventually. Try lining the potty with a nappy and see if he'll do it then?

One thing I did with my DS was to take him to flush the poo from a nappy down the toilet so he could make the connection that poos belonged in the toilet. He thought we were feeding the sharks who live under the floorboards (??! No, I don't get it either...)

pluto, I had a friend who's son did this until he was about 4. She started by getting him to sit on the firstly the pot with a nappy on and let him poo in it, she then loosened the nappy gradually until the sided were unfastened completely, and then evetually persuaded son to just place the nappy in the pot until he felt comfortable enough to have no nappy there.

It took a while but it worked, some 4 year olds are too big for a pot, so it can be done with a trainer toiler seat as well.

Some children fear emptying their bowels into 'space' they need that security of the nappy until they are confident enough to use the toilet without anything.

I hope this helps,

I quite agree with the treat thing alibubbles, most times I can guess my ds needs to go to the toilet as he is always full of wind and I gently remind him if he wants to go to go on the potty and if hes a good boy Ill see if I can find a sweet or some treat, works wonders as he never wanted to do a toilet in there before, and I find that just putting some toilet paper in there first makes it a lot easier to clean after.

Hi Melly I dont think I have spoken with you before - my little boy is 2 and 1 month and last month he kept asking to use the potty to do a wee (a lot, I think to do with seeing the bigger children at nursery) so I really took the lead from him and he has been dry for over two weeks and has hardly had any accidents at all. I would go with what Rhubarb said, I have noticed a considerable difference in his bladder over the course of the last few weeks- from doing 20 wees to only one every hour or hour and a half and its getting easier all the time and with my ds (I know this might be different with other peoples children) but although he is v bright and chatters away I would say he has only grasped the concept of asking, or telling me should I say!, that he wants a wee. I would have happily waited until he was 2 1/2 or even 3 as long as he was ready and only talking to friends have I realised that they take to it a lot quicker and are dry within a couple of weeks, well practically days.

Even when hes really involved with playing or painting he still remembers hes got pants on and hes at the great age where he chooses his own pants in the morning, spaceship ones are a fave (ooh and can I add there that little boy pants 10 for £6 in mothercare - brilliant)

Theres only one thing about this potty training thing that bothers me, and its what happens when your not near a toilet? Im planning to go up to Bluewater soon (we have been on short journeys but not a long one) has anyone any advice, I would love to hear advice or any funny stories about kids not being near a toilet! lighten it up for me!

Started potty training yesterday (dd 18 months old tomorrow). Yesterday was ok ish, I think a total of 4 pees in the potty but more accidents. Today only 1 pee in the potty and 4 accidents. DD now having her lunchtime nap (in a nappy). I'm feeling really bad, guilty and totally unsure as to whether to press on or perhaps try again in a month or so. I thought dd was ready and I felt ready but now I'm not sure. I have a potty in each room, have tried her in training pants, ordinary pants, running around with nothing on the bottom half but she still pees in her pants even though the potty is available. She will sit on the potty with a book as long as I kneel down with her but won't sit on by herself. I'm confused by books which give conflicting advice. I'm not putting pressure on dd, totally ignoring any accidents and giving lots of praise when she does go in the potty. She can understand simple requests such as "bring mummy a book" or "put this in the bin" "would you like a biscuit" (she always gets that one!). Interestingly when I got her up yesterday after her lunchtime nap her nappy was bone dry.
I guess many will say that she's far too young etc but I've started now and don't want to confuse her or equally give up too soon. Perhaps I could try the reward idea?
Can anyone give me any tips or suggestions as I'm feeling a bit hopeless. 2nd baby is due mid April so I didn't want to start too near that date.

Ok, I haven't done it yet as dd is not quite a year old, but it sounds to me like your dd just isn't ready, melly. Does she come up and tell you that she's done a wee/ poo and ask for her nappy to be changed, or is she at least aware that her nappy is dirty/ wet?

I've just been reading "Babywatching" by Desmond Morris (my dh's childcare "guru" lol), and he is adamant that you cannot train a child to be continent until the right nerves are functioning! He says that baby chimpanzees when carried about by the mother chimpanzees just pee/ poo all over the mother until one day, at about 18 months of age the baby decides to lift its bottom away from the mother, while being carried, and wees/ poos on the floor instead! He extrapolates from this to human babies, but the general idea is that they will do it when ready and not before.

Give it a week and see if there is any progress. If not, I'd give it up for a while and then try again. 18 months is young but it's not impossible. Be prepared for setbacks when the baby arrives as any bright toddler soon learns that the easiest way to get mummy's attention is to yell "I need a wee" or to have an accident

Good luck

Melly, I would have said its far too young but I met an 18 month old a few days ago who was fully potty-trained! So clearly it can be done...take it from me, carry on doing what you are doing but once you feel yourself starting to snap - GIVE UP! You won't confuse her, and you may find a couple of months off gives you both the confidence to start again.

Good luck!

thanks for your suggestions everyone. I think I will give it a week and see how things are then, if no progress I will put her back in nappies for a month or so and try again. Interestingly she seems to have more or a problem doing a wee in the potty than poos. Did a poo without too much problem after her nap. I think the crucial thing is she isn't actually asking to do pees or poos and this I think is the barrier at the moment, if we can crack that I think it would be easier, but it may be that she won't develop that particular skill for another month or so.

dd (just 2 and 1/2) is still having accidents, especially at home although much better at nursery with her peers, being a 'big girl'
..so 18 mths sounds a bit young to me too. but it's a good idea to have the potty around and use it eg before bathtime.

I started dd at 18 months but she just wasn't ready.

I waited a few more months until our summer came so that she could run around with no pants on. She found it so much nicer to sit on the pot/baby seat without having the worry of pulling pants down and I know she's not cold without her pants on. I also sounded like a broken record asking her if she needed to wee or poo every 5 minutes and tried to watch for signs such as standing still and concentrating!

I also used rewards which work well (such as a star chart).

With both dd's they would have some really good days and then they would go backwards for at least 2 days by weeing/pooing everywhere but then they would go forward again. This would happen two or three times over about 3 weeks and then it seemed to all click together for them and there was no looking back. My 2 yr old is dry by day, takes herself to the toilet, but I still put her in nappies at night at the moment. I'm planning to stop that soon too. Placing a large garbage bag underneath the bottom sheet on top of the mattress is a cheap alternative to a mattress liner.

Thanks Bunza, I think my dd sounds like yours, i've given it go and she isn't quite ready at the moment. Decided at lunchtime to take things back a stage, have put her back into nappies for now, although I am taking other's advice and keeping the potty around, trying her on it when she wakes, before she goes in the bath etc. She may well be ready in a couple more months or so hopefully when she can tell me she needs a wee or poo, which at the moment she can't. This afternoon has been great, she is more relaxed and so am I, so I guess I was a bit optimistic in thinking she was ready.

Don't feel bad Melly if it all doesn't work out - some wee ones will manage to be trained early, most will not. You could be doubling your work with a new baby because - as has been mentioned before - dry toddlers can regress when there is a baby around. It would be soul destroying to have all the ggod work undone when the new baby arrives.
Personally I think it is pressure you don't need. I had no. 2 and no.3 children in nappies at the same time (15 months apart) and is was bliss. They were your old fashioned terries as well. I didn't need the hassle that I had with number one son, having tried endlessly to train him at 2 yrs when he wasn't ready. Although you start off ignoring the accidents, you soon get pretty disheartened which your child pick up on. He ended up having problems with poos till he was about 4 yrs. Chill and relax for the rest of your pregnancy.

Slightly different take on potty training. DD has been dry since 19m (now 22m) but now refuses to wee in a nappy at night, as a result we get wake up calls for the loo at least once a night. Should I risk leaving the nappy off, as she is often dry in the morning or ignore her when she calls in the hope that she'll use the nappy? I should add that she uses "toilet" as a way of getting attention and on more than one occasion I've gone in to her only to find she doesn't really need a wee.

Hi Piasmum, I'm having exactly the same problem with my dd (27 mths) and have posted elsewhere about it ! It's such a pain - but they're being so good !!

Hope we both get some ideas soon ! I'm tired !

Thanks Mears, that makes me feel much better, and I think you are right, because yesterday and Monday my bump (which is quite sizeable now) was aching by the end of the day after the constant bending down putting dd on the potty. I was also getting a bit upset and stressed which is obviously not good at the moment, so I'm happy that I had a go but recognised before I lost patience or upset dd in any way, that she is not quite ready yet.

Piasmum ans Scatterbrain - I immediately thought of double standards here! If your wee ones are refusing to pee in their nappies then get them off. It is sending mixed messages to a child to say that you want them to 'wet themselves' at night in a nappy but be dry during the day. Put yourself in their position - could you do it?
I am afraid that going to the loo at night is just another of those hellish things you have to put up with being a parent.In the middle of the night they have been woken by something that has disturbed them be it full bladder or bad dream - both need attention. I found also that if i did not get the nappy off first thing in the morning then they would be slow to remain dry the rest of the morning, so once they appeared ready the nappies came off at night. Yours sound more than ready so go for it.

My dd was out of nappies both day and night at her own behest at a very young age. I took her out to the loo at night before I went to bed then was only woken early mornings until she now gets out by herself. I don't think they can last all night when young so I'm totally with Mears on this one.

Thanks Mears - I absolutely NEVER tell/ask her to wee in her nappy, she knows it is only there for "just in case" & accidents, but when I suggested we leave it off even for her nap she got quite upset and unsettled - hence I throw away two perfectly clean dry nappies every day ! I agree that it is double standards - but as she gets so upset what should I do ?

Also - usually nighttime wees are miniscule - definitely not full-bladder jobs ! Maybe I should look elsewhere for waking up reasons ?

Why do you throw away the prefectly clean dry nappies? Just use them next time. DS1 used to have the same pair of clean dry pullups several nights in a row.

D'you think ? It just seemed a bit yucky - but I guess you're right ! I shall try !!