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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Agressive behaviour in 18 month old DD - biting, pulling hair and pinching - am at wits end!!

10 replies

josben · 19/02/2008 11:16

Luckily its usually aimed at me, not other toddlers although she has sometimes been like it towards her big brother.

I have tried telling her 'NO!' or holding her arms - and I have tried ignoring her... But she doesn't seem to take any notice and how I'm dealing with it doesn't seem to register to her that what shes doing is unacceptable.

Please can anyone give me advice on how to tackle this kind of behaviour ? TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ArmadilloDaMan · 19/02/2008 11:32

IT will take a while to get thorugh to her - she is very little. But it is a phase a lot of kids go through at this age.

If she is sitting on your lap you say no and put her on the floor, you walk away. After no, no explanations, no eye contact, nothing.

Get anyone else around to do the same.

It did take well over a month (maybe a few?) to get ds to stop.

Consistency and ignoring is the key I think. Try not to react (though it can be hard not to shriek or similar when it really hurts).

Original poster

josben · 19/02/2008 11:47

Thanks for your post Armaillo - i will try that - I think that you are right about needing consistency over a longer period of time....

OP posts:

ArmadilloDaMan · 19/02/2008 11:52

tis incredibaly fustrating.

Specially when you are covered in bruises adn marks.

Original poster

josben · 19/02/2008 11:58

Yes, it is so frustrating, and I just feel like such a bad parent ! My DS's never bit or pinched - (well if they did, it was onceand then they were told off and didn't carry on doing it!)

I'm suppose I'm feeling more guilty because DD1 is my third child and so she doesn't get as much attention as the DS's did at her age - because obviously I've now got three to look after... So I think that this behaviour is possibly attention seeking...?

OP posts:

ArmadilloDaMan · 19/02/2008 12:02

yep def attention seeking in part - that's why ignoring works.

But also just cos they can.

Ds is an only child so it's not just 3rd children who do it.

Prob a personality thing. SOme kids you tell them off once adn they don't do it again - to others it's like water off a ducks back.

The latter tend to be more bolshy bloody minded inquisitive.

Original poster

josben · 19/02/2008 12:05

Yep, I know what you mean - DD1 is a real character, is very sociable and defintely knows what she wants and just goes and gets it, bless her! I think I'm going to have my hands full when she's older!

OP posts:

EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 19/02/2008 12:09

my DD is just growing out of this (2.2yo) and hers is aimed at me almost exclusively. i have found that sitting her on the floor and ignoring her worked to a point but she would get frustrated and then scratch/bite/pinch and more recently headbutt me some more i have started to take away her favourite toys one at a time if she does anything aggressive toward me or anyone else. this seems to work alot better as she understands now that her actions have consequences and is now starting to come over and say sorry mummy if she has hurt me. it will get better and i agree that consistency is the key but also trial and error is important because not all methods will work for you so you have to find one that does HTH
xx ei xx

PotPourri · 19/02/2008 12:10

I think at that age they are starting to see cause and effect, so it genuinely interests them that they can make you lose it by hitting you etc. as others have said, consistency, and ignoring is going to be the best, balanced out with huge praise and hugs for being lovely.

Also, think carefully about how you react to situations too, as she may be copying. Is there any shouting goes on in your house? Or do TV programmes stay on even when people are shouting/violent. Nto saying this is hte case, but it may be worth double checking that she isn't copying somewhere along the line...

Original poster

josben · 19/02/2008 12:21

Thanks for your posts. We don't have the telly on a lot and so I don't think that she would've seen anything on there, but I suppose I sometimes shout at the DS's in the mornings to hurry up, so we can get out the door on time... Will have to try to keep calm!!

I think that I will def try to be more aware of cause and effect - as you say - DD1 likes to see my reaction when she has pinched/bit me on occasion she has laughed at my reaction ... So I will keep on ignoring this behaviour...

OP posts:

blueshoes · 19/02/2008 12:29

josben, I like the sound of your dd. It will be a challenge to parent, but those attributes will put her in good stead as an adult.

My ds 17 months has started to pull his older sister's hair and push her. He may also 'beat' me with balloons, sticks. It is not done with malice. So agree with potpourri that it is almost curiousity that is fuelling this behaviour. Along with feelings of sibling rivalry and just general toddler turbulence.

No real strategy, beyond gently removing the weapon from ds, holding his hands firmly, and saying gentle. Like you said, it does not really register. Then he is off again onto his latest activities.

Dd 4.6 has attended nursery from a young age, and this has allowed me to observe that many children go through an aggressive phase from around this age until about 3.5. They are good kids, just need to work through certain impulses. It can come and go. It can also be triggered by stress in the family environment.

I remember that there was a period whereby never a day went by without the nursery informing me of dd's latest transgression. But she is fine now and has been for a while.

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