19 month old sleep - please help - is he scared/angry/frustrated?

[partridge]

Sorry if this is long,and rambling but I am at my wits end, knackered and slightly incoherent. My 19 month old boy was a terrible sleeper until about one. In the last six weeks he has regressed to the point that we are going mad.

From the ages of one until about 17 months - he slept through and was really content. Until the last week he has always been happy to go down in to his cot and chat himself to sleep very contentedly. Last night was the worst night yet but his nights have been gradually building up to this. He refused to settle in his cot for over an hour, with us going up every ten minutes to put him down again. Then at 11pm he woke up screaming - his scream is blood curdling and sounds like he is frightened. I managed to settle him, but only for ten minutes - this went on for 5 hours with him hurling things out of his cot and his screaming becoming progressively more distressed.

We tried leaving him for slightly increasing increments, and every time we went back in he was happy to be put down and drifted off to sleep for another ten minutes or so. Finally we went into his room, turned on the lights and got him out of his cot at 4am. He was totally wired - clapping, laughing, chatting (nonsense) and climbing all over the furniture in his room. I then lay on the floor next to his cot holding his hand - every time I thought he was sleeping and removed my hand he would stand up and be inconsolable - so we used our last resort and took him into bed with us. Whereupon he crashed out straight away.

I am due to have my second in 4 weeks time, otherwise I would happily take him into bed during this "phase" (please tell me it is a phase?) but this seems untenable when we will have a baby in our room and possibly our bed feeding every couple of hours. I am also anemic at the moment and knackered (with SPD, so find it hard getting out of bed), hence the tone of despair!

I would be so grateful if someone else could share their experiences - is he manipulating us, or is he genuinely distressed and scared? How on earth do we resolve this before the baby comes? He is a bit of a late talker, but his interest in words and vocabulary seem to have taken off a bit in the last week - could this have anything to do with it? Thank you so much if you have got this far...

DD has nightmares (we think) but no-where near as bad as this. Could it be night terrors?

Thanks for suggestion. Would he be so easy to settle in between though? He responds the second we come through to him (which is why we think he might be manipulating us)

I would hate him to be genuinely traumatised by something though and for us to be taking a hands off approach - just don't know what to do for best. Shall we keep taking him into bed?

btw, he is not ill - no temperature and happy as larry this morning - if a little weary!!

I have been going through something similar though much less severe with my dd who is 16mo and who has always been a great sleeper - until just after Christmas. Since then she has been waking three or four times a night and often as you describe - first screaming and then wired. Wriggling, chattering, wanting to play.

I am hoping it is just a phase but I also suspect it is to do with language development and a new part of the brain becoming active (made up theory there).

At first I was going in and settling her each time but it became untenable so I've taken to going in once, cuddling her, checking she's ok then putting her back and leaving her. She cries for about 10 mins (screams) then goes back to sleep. I'm not sure if this would work with your DS as he sounds much more upset but I found that actually staying in the room and trying to coax my dd back to calmness was making her worse.

No advice I'm afraid, but do put a link to the thread in the sleep section - you will get lots of help from the lovely ladies there. Also, do a quick search - there have been lots of similar threads.

Good luck!

Poor you. Kids are utterly random. DD (just over 2) went through an absolute fiasco stage a couple of months ago where if we tried to leave her room before she was sound asleep she'd make herself sick. That was fun.

Given the frequency of night wakings I guess it'd be surprising if it is nightmares to be honest although it may be related to development or changes in his environment (maybe he senses an imminent change in household? more visits from grandparents perhaps). In any event, without being any sort of expert (as DD will testify!) perhaps the best thing to do is take a step back and start from the beginning and gradually withdraw.

Each time he wakes up, sit with him and hold his hand until he falls asleep (but keeping him in his cot). Then move on to resting a hand on his back. Then just sitting by his cot. Then moving the chair further away etc. We've had to do this a couple of times with DD and it works, although it take a couple of weeks and is quite hard work so you'd definitely need DH to help out... Just a thought, hope that helps...

my 18mth old dd also wakes in the night absolutely screaming, if we go into her we can guarantee she'll be up for 2 hours! we try and leave her to it for 10mins and sometimes she does send herself back off. more often than not we accept our fate and go into her!

I am thinking of trying the gradual withdrawal (i need to do something!) as at the mo she'll eventually go off being rocked. whats the next step after being rocked in a chair? if we try a hand on her back she wakes up as soon as we move, even if she seems fast off a second before!

Sorry i can't help, just wanted to offer my sympathies, hope you find a solution

My DS is 18 months, and suffers from the same kind of episodes. He will wake up in the middle of the night with the most horrendous crying (not the normal type - but like he is in agony). We cannot do anything to calm him. He does not want to be cuddled and launches himself away. I thought it was his teech moving, but calpol or iboprofen didn't help. Most times is lasts about 30 minutes - sometimes it has been an hour. Spoke to my hv who suggested night terrors. After it passes he wants me to stay with him until he is fast asleep. But I feel terrible that I cannot do anything to help him whilst it is happening.