Can’t get it right for my 9 week old, I can’t work out what he wants and needs

[Alwaystryingtoohard]

I feel like I can’t work out my 9 week old baby at all 🥴 Not sure what I’m asking for… advice, similar experiences or solidarity?!

My first baby was very much high needs - demanding, screaming at everything, mostly wanted to be held, hated pram / car seat but was happy in the sling & carrier. He’s now a very wonderful (but can be somewhat demanding!) 2 year old. Fairly obvious personality type.

My second baby I feel I can’t do anything right with and I feel awful for him. He’s EBF, tongue tie snipped and improving, no signs of intolerances etc. Here’s what I’m finding:

• Sometimes lays down happily (Moses basket, playmat etc), other times cries to be picked up
• Sometimes if you pick him up for a cuddle, he screams to be put down
• He loves to lay at the side of you and chat away, loves a good look around. He is the most gorgeous, smiley, happy thing if he’s had a good sleep. If he hasn’t, he cries a lot for the rest of the day or until he gets a good nap, guessing because he’s still tired.
• Will not sleep in the day unless he’s feeding or in the sling. He will sleep for hours in the sling so he must be comfy in there! BUT he cries when you put him in it (regardless of if it is before he’s tired for a wander round, on the sweet spot of getting tired or once he’s overtired anyway).
• He doesn’t mind the pram or car seat (occasional grumble of course) until he is tired and then he just goes hell for leather screaming suddenly and it doesn’t stop until he’s asleep. He has never managed to fall asleep in either of those for more than about 2 minutes.
• Sometimes shows clear cues for feeding / sleeping and I’m sure I will miss them sometimes, but often just goes from being cheery to extremely miserable in a matter of seconds.

I have a 2 year old who still likes a ride in his pram when he’s tired and also is on the go all the time, plus with the whole screams if baby is tired and won’t stop but only sleeps in the sling means I need the baby to go in the sling sometimes!

I just wish I could get it right for him, feel like I don’t know him or how to help him best ☹️

Thank you if you’ve read this far and for any ideas or similar experiences!

In a nutshell I suppose I’m saying he will sleep in the sling but wherever I put him he eventually ends up screaming and doesn’t really like being held / awake in the sling.

I am at a loss ☹️

Anyone been through this?

Hi @Alwaystryingtoohard, not sure I can be of too much help, but I can at least offer sympathy. The early weeks with two are hard!

It sounds like in part, he just wants different things at different times – and has virtually no in between 'this is great' and 'this is horrible'. Nine weeks is still tiny, you're still very much getting to know each other, and he's still very much adjusting to all the sights, sounds, smells, and feels of the world. As the weeks go by, I'm sure you'll get to know his personality and his cues better and know whether it's a playmat sort of time or a cuddle sort of time.

Sleep: on this you definitely have my solidarity as well as my sympathy, DD2 was born with major fear of missing out, and naps were a struggle basically from day 2 of her life. If he sleeps in the sling, I would probably go for that, at least for a couple of 'critical naps' a day. Can you feed him in the sling, so he goes off to sleep that way to reduce the crying when you put him in? (DD1 I never fed in the sling; DD2, it was essential). Can you try a different sling? Neither of mine liked being awake in the soft slings because they couldn't look around properly with the bit over their head to support it (too nosy!). We have an ergobaby that supports a newborn head but doesn't stop them turning side to side to look around – a world of difference according to my nosy babies. (and even better once they're big enough to go world-facing).