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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

10 yr old and weeing...

19 replies

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2008 18:04

Not sure where to start - am feeling very upset after a big set to with ds,who is ten.
We've been having issues about going to the loo and dabbing afterwards with loo paper/shaking etc -but often I find his pants are very stained with urine, and this has puzzled me. A few weeks ago I took him to the doctors and he had a urine test which came back clear, so no infection which might cause him to wee a lot.

I think that he has got himself into a bit of a state at school about interrupting lessons/asking to be excused when he feels he needs the loo - he is quite shy and won't want to make a fuss although I've assured him it's ok.

Today we went out in the car for a short journey to shops - when we got out I noticed a wet patch on his trousers and went ballistic really - I was very angry because he said he'd wanted to go to the loo,despite going just before we left, but the silly thing hadn't asked me if we could go back/find a loo - he knew I think that'd I'd be cross- although of course I would have gone back home so he could go..he knows me well ! He'd weed a bit in his pants he admitted because of this, so I twigged that this is what he does sometimes at school if he feels he needs to go and either can't get to the loo, or just thinks it'll be easier.
I went found Waitrose in a rage and he was very upset and furious with himself.
It was very sad as we both love going to this particular town and were planning to buy a little treat as his first baby molar had fallen out at lunch time... we had a long talk when we got home but I feel very distressed by it all. Any suggestions/similar experiences ? He is a happy and sweet boy and very mindful of others feelings and was visibly angry with himself. He likes school too and is doing well academically and not stressed by forthcoming SATs

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Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2008 18:10

please someone help - am miserable !

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cocolepew · 18/02/2008 18:17

My friend has a son who has a bladder problem, (sorry a bit vague but it's been a while since she told me!)Basically he dribbles small amounts of urine out without needing to empty his bladder, if you see what I mean. He takes medication to stop this
My dd1 to do this, trying to hold on instead of asking the teacher. I got the teacher to tell her it was fine to be excused during class and she stopped.
Sorry this is a bit of a ramble!
Hope more coherent answers soon.

cocolepew · 18/02/2008 18:17

cocolepew · 18/02/2008 18:19

Somebody more coherent.

Troutpout · 18/02/2008 18:39

I have no experinece of this but..
I was wondering about the just weeing a bit also.
It sounds a little odd to just do a little bit and not empty his bladder. Also, If the small amount is all he is managing to hold then equally it sounds like problem.
Have you asked him if he has emptied his bladder or if that is the full amount there at the time?
Perhaps go to the doctor again
Hope you get it sorted anyway

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2008 18:48

I suspect that he has very small amounts of urine in his bladder when he does it as he goes fairly frequently at home...I think he is anxious about going, in case of accidents, so he goes as soon as the urge hits him rather than learning that he can in fact hold on until his bladder is fuller,if that makes sense. He has good bladder control as he has never ever wet the bed since he came out of night nappies at 4 and as a little boy would hang on for ages before needing to wee.

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cory · 18/02/2008 19:14

Just thought I'd mention that my dd has incontinence problems but has never bedwet, so the two are not necessarily exclusive.
Also, that constipation is a common case of dribbling.

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2008 19:18

thanks cory...definitely not constipated..think this is more an emotional thing than physical

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stoppinattwo · 18/02/2008 19:26

MAS.........i posted some time ago, my DS doesnt do quite the same, but he is afraid of being on his own and will not go to the toilet in school, he is 9, even at playtime if there is nobody around then he wont go.

Do you think your DS is afraid of anything in school??

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2008 19:34

no, though I think he's afraid of asking to be excused !

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sdr · 18/02/2008 19:45

A good method in case of not emptying a bladder properly is to double-empty. Once he thinks he's finished, try to go again.

Some teachers can be a bit harsh about children going to the toilet during class, especially if they've gone once already. Can you find out what his teacher's policy is? My DD is also 10 and has recently had a recurrence of a problem where she thinks she's done and then 10 mins later has to go again. Hard at this age as they're very easily embarrassed. Make sure he carries a spare at the bottom of his school bag.

If no improvement, then back to Dr.

sdr · 18/02/2008 19:45

Spare = spare pair of underwear

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2008 21:26

god advice sdr - will do that...thank you

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Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2008 21:26

good

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hippipotami · 19/02/2008 08:50

Morning, just found this.
No real advice I'm afraid, as I am not experienced/knowledgeable in this topic.

However, if he is afraid to ask to be excused, and as a result releases small amounts of urine to ensure he is able to hold on to the rest for the rest of the lesson, then a bathroom pass is in order.

Is it possible to ask the school if ds can have a pass that permits him to go to the bathroom without having to ask? Thus avoiding the stressful situation of having to put his had up in class and have children look at you when you walk out of the classroom?
Surely the school will know that ds is one of the hardworking, quiet boys, and is therefore not likely to abuse a bathroom pass?

Have to go to the dentist now, will ponder this some more whilst 'in the chair' [scared emoticon]

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 19/02/2008 09:20

ooh, hope dentist is ok hippi (I'm off there next Friday)
I think that it is important for him to learn to ask, this is one of the things he needs to do, so I'm encouraging that...it's six of one and half a dozen of the other really...he seems to be doing it to avoid having to ask,get up and go...was fretting about whether it was a continence problem, but he tells me that it happens when he makes it,rather than an involuntary escape of wee. I think he knows just how angry I was and I hope this might figure when he's next in this situation..

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hippipotami · 19/02/2008 09:55

Okay, I see your point about learning to ask. I think in that case it is just a case of building up his confidence so that he will happily ask.
I know that ds's teachers shout if/when a child asks to go to the bathroom, and they want the children to go in break time only. (90 children with two toilets would mean queing for the entire break time though ) so I understand the reluctance...

Will meet you back on the other thread...

sdr · 20/02/2008 09:20

Rewards work well with this age group - maybe a little incentive to help with him improving his confidence. You're doing the right thing in getting him to sort it out for himself at school, but it's ever so hard for us in letting them go and be more adult.

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 20/02/2008 09:43

thanks sdr - I've been giving him lots of praise and the promise of a reward...so far things ok ! He is just very reticent in a group of people - never pushes himself forward to be seen/heard,though frustratingly he knows answers/has lots to contribute

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