Why does my 5 daughter hit me?

[SophRos75]

I'm at the end of my tether, my gorgeous sweet funny little girl seems to constantly want to punch and kick me. I don't think it's necessarily out of malice but perhaps frustration? I try to talk to her and explain it hurts Mummy and she is sad then but still it continues. Last night she ran and kicked me in the stomach :-( Has anyone else experienced this?

I think 5 is too old to be hitting and kicking. If they do it as toddlers I think they've usually out grown this kind of behaviour by 3?

How does she behave at School and have they raised any concerns?

Does she hit and kick anyone else or is it just you?

Have you noticed any triggers like tiredness, hunger or frustration with communication?

She behaves fine at school, no issues. She is not aggressive to anyone else just myself and in response to asking her to do something, such as brush her teeth, turn off the tv. My partner says it's due to her lack of respect for me and I should be tougher with her but shouting seems counter productive to me. I've had a good chat and she didn't lash out yesterday and at bedtime I thanked her for not hitting me that day and so hopefully the message is getting through!

Difficult isn't it, especially if your DP is blaming you.

My DD behaved beautifully at school too, to the point where they'd never believe me when I told them how she behaved at home.

I think I'd start by speaking to the School SENCO and ask if they can do Zones of Regulation with her, you can do this at home too, and see if they'll do some Emotional Literacy work with her.

Try some story books about anger and emotions. Your library may have some of these.

And try The Explosive Child. I've not read it but it's often recommended on MN.

And lastly, do keep a diary of what's going on and any possible triggers that you can think of that caused the meltdown. My DD was very similar to yours and is now being assessed for ASD & ADHD. A diary will help you to provide evidence if your DD is ever assessed. It will also hopefully help you to spot what her triggers might be too

Well she does it because she's cross and because you tolerate it. I think your partner is spot on.

Teaching her that women have to ask repeatedly, nicely, not to be hurt is not a great lesson tbh