3yo not listening at nursery?

[mam1988]

DS is 3.5 and started nursery last September for two mornings. In Jan he also started a school nursery for the other three afternoons. He's a clever boy, great vocabulary, can count to almost to 100 and know all his letters/shapes and is potty trained etc but has always been full of beans - which I considered fairly normal for a boy his age. I was always 'hyper' as a kid. He does flit between activities fairly quickly but he can sit and read book after book with me or do a jigsaw or play play dough for a good while so it's mostly just him wanting to do what HE wants I think.

The comments from his nursery teachers have bothered me a bit and I suppose it makes you feel like every other child is an angel except yours. To begin it was that he has trouble listening and sitting down at carpet time/snack time. Well I'm not surprised, he's 3 and as I say wants to do what he wants. His morning nursery are a lot more casual and let the kids do what they like more I think so he prefers it, whereas the school one is obviously trying to prepare them for when they start reception which he does need because we want him to go to that school. It doesn't help he goes to both places until September I guess (when he'll be just mornings at school nursery) instead of just being used to the routine of one.

No one had really said much for a while anyway so I assumed he'd settled a bit more but then we had Easter hols and then all had flu after that and he had his 3 year jabs last week so he's missed a lot of nursery and now he's back the comments have started up again. They said yesterday he's been a bit all over the place and they had to keep calling him to stop doing things. I explained about being out of routine. The other week it was that he wasn't listening and trying to get up onto a window sill.

I worry he's not settling (it's only been 3 months there) or that something may be up? He's not often in the photos they send out with the weekly round up and he makes the odd comment about playing by himself there which I don't know wether to believe or not as in the playground before they go in the kids all play fine and say hi to him and he goes in with one boy he's very fond of.

Does this all sound pretty normal I suppose I'm asking? Do teachers often make comments like this about kids? We have a reward chart at home because we had baby no.2 in Feb and although he loves her and is great with her - his behaviour has been testing at times. Throwing a strop here and there/deliberately ignoring what we ask him to do/throwing toys - all normal 3yo stuff. We talk to him about sitting and listening well at nursery and he always says he will but then when I pick him up I hear all sorts.

I don't know what to do I suppose! He can be a bit crazy when excited and over stimulated which he will be there. Do they get better as they reach 4/5? Not really sure how to help him and I want him to do well and make friends there....why does it seem that the other kids are fine but he is not? Am I worrying too much 😩

Firstly congratulations on DC2. You sound as though you've had s busy few months!

I do however think that you need to take the comments from Nursery a little more seriously. It's hard to hear that your DC might be behaving in a different way to the other Children in their care but it does sound as though they have his best interests at heart.

Like the Nursery, I would expect a DC of 3.5 years to sit for a few minutes on the mat whilst they sing a song together or listen to a story.

Trying to climb into a window when all the other DC are sitting nicely sounds as though he might be slightly socially unaware?

Could you ask to speak to the Nursery Manager? She'll have lots of experience of what normal behaviour is at 3.5 and will be able to guide you if she thinks that your DS might need some additional support.

It's probably worth talking all of this through with your HV too and asking her to do the Ages & Stages for 42 months.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto Thank you and thanks for your reply. I definitely do take their comments seriously hence me worrying so much about it! I definitely don't want to come across as dismissive, I just hear different comments from people - sometimes that it's just his age and what do you expect for a 3yo and then the other extreme people saying there could be something wrong with my son. It's hard not to get defensive I guess when anything negative is said about your children.

I spoke to his nursery teacher yesterday properly to check in with how she feels he's getting on. She said he's a very intelligent child and joins in well at carpet time with answering questions etc and youd almost thing him ready for reception in that respect but just very active and on the go all the time and they're helping work on his concentration. She feels he has improved since starting and he does now sit at snack time much better. She said it's mainly that he's into everything and it's nothing malicious in his behaviour just that he want to play and they just have to remind him I suppose what he's meant to be doing or something? She said it's likely just an age thing as he'd just turned 3 when he joined and in a bigger class than he's used to with children that are going to be moving up to reception in September but that in general he's settled well and doesn't get upset and seems happy there. After the summer he'll be only there (and not his smaller nursery) in the mornings which are better for him so fingers crossed he'll grow more used to it with a better routine.

I think he does sit for some things and it's not that he's the only one climbing etc while the others all sit nicely. At home he's mostly fine as I say, full of beans most of the time but he'll sit and read books for ages with me and play nicely with toys or watch a film so I didn't really have any concerns. Hopefully he'll get back into routine soon and settle the longer he's there. I just wish I could stop worrying so much 😅