12yr old - chores

[user1469485133]

Hello there,

I have a 12 yr old stepdaughter who lives with us (her Mum and myself, I'm her Mums female partner) half of the time and the other half with her Dad and Dad's girlfriend.

I'm looking for guidance as to how much or how little, a 12 yr old should help out in the house etc. I was making dinner at this age, going to the shops (local) to buy food, feeding our dog and taking her for walks.
My partner and I have differing opinions on how much help or how interactive my stepdaughter is/should be around the house and in general.
I feel she has a very privileged background and has her needs met daily, if not hourly! Currently it's a rarity if she takes her plate into the kitchen after dinner time. Often, if she's asked to help, she might say something like 'why do I have to do it?' or she will cry and go to her room and slam the door. Sometimes, she gets options like 'would you like to load the dishwasher, bring in the washing or sweep the kitchen floor'. And then she will choose and procrastinate on it. Her bin is emptied in her room and her plates, cups are taken out of her room by her Mum.
I'd be interested to know the expectations of other parents.
Please can you help me to understand and learn as sometimes I think I'm floundering and doing a really rubbish job of being around her.

Thanks all!

I think that you did an exceptional amount at that age. The only person I know who did similar at 12 came from an extremely abusive family.

I do think that asking her to take her plate through and bring dishes down is acceptable at this age and maybe doing the dishwasher but this has to come from your DP, her DM.

I'd maybe have a look at some old threads in the Step-parenting section to see how other Step-parents handle chores or ask MNHQ to move this over to that section.

Gosh! I'm shocked that the only other person you know who did that amount was someone from a really abusive family!
It wasn't like that for me, just to make that clear. I wasn't 'made' to do this stuff, I think I just helped out.

I do appreciate your input however, and yes, thanks I'll take a look at some older threads.
Thanks :)