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How to deal with lying

5 replies

Kipdfgy · 05/05/2023 14:57

Hi everyone.

Just writing here as I’m a bit baffled about this to be honest.
Yesterday afternoon, on the school run, one of the mums came up to me and asked if DD was okay, I said yes why? And she explained how one of the other mums had said to her that my daughter told their son that DDs father was in a car accident and died.

This is not true, and quite a horrible lie.
I was shocked that she would say something like this (DD is 9 years old).
Now, she doesn’t see her father much, it has been this way since she was a baby. He never calls or texts and she sees him a handful of times a year. I think as she is getting older she is realising his absence - I am not sure if this has anything to do with the lie.

I asked DD why she said that, and why she thinks it is ok to lie and she said ‘my head told me to say it, I knew I shouldn’t have, but I just did it, I’m sorry’
I gave her a talking to about how it is not ok to lie, that we should always think before we speak, and that the lie was hurtful. And she seemed sorry.
I didn’t push any further. She won’t tell me why she lied about something like this.

I am just confused about why she would lie about this. I don’t expect answers, just a WWYD in this situation?

She seems happy at home and I don’t think she is having trouble with any of the children in her class.
It’s all very strange. I’m not sure how to deal with it.

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Showmethefood · 05/05/2023 15:58

I mean , I’m no expert so what I’m saying could be completely wrong. But:

  1. your daughter may have lied because it’s easier to say your dads dead then dad doesn’t see me. It could be a way for her to cope better, rather than to admit dad doesn’t see her.

  2. This is taken from my own experience. I’m an older female with ADHD and I was always making up lies like this as a kid because it give me dopamine. 🤷‍♀️ this may not be the case for your daughter.

  3. your daughter lied and there’s no reason why she did at all. It was an impulse decision that she has no clue how it happened.

sorry if that’s not overly helpful. Just some thoughts x

Kipdfgy · 05/05/2023 16:49

Hi, thank you for you input.
my daughter is currently undergoing assessments for ADHD, and I know that shafts on impulse quite a lot, so this would make sense I suppose.

OP posts:
Kipdfgy · 05/05/2023 16:51

she acts*

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Showmethefood · 05/05/2023 17:35

Ah I see. Yes it would as like I say I was always making things up. I’m happy to answer any other questions relating to adhd if I can help regarding daughters behaviour etc. Obviously I had it as a young girl too but only got diagnosed earlier this year :)

Rainallnight · 05/05/2023 22:29

It’s really not that strange in the circumstances and I think you’re being hard on her. She’s very young and came up with a story to explain her absent dad. It’s a story you find uncomfortable and upsetting but you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Why did she feel the need to say that? Does she need some help to come to terms with her father’s absence? How does she explain it to herself and others? Has she had the opportunity to fully integrate what’s happened into her identity?

I think those are the things you should be looking at instead of getting upset about ‘lying’.

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