Why does DD (3.9 YO) go looking for fights?

[pendulum]

She has spent literally all day trying to make us press the red button- throwing stuff, refusing meals, terrorising DD2 etc etc. Face like a sulky teenager. Finally got her wish when she chucked DH's mobile down the stairs just before bed and was sent to sleep without privileges (book, song etc). Had a tantrum in her room and has just cried herself to sleep. But it is as if she has been pursuing this all day despite having lots of attention and activities- baking, potting plants, trip to swings etc.

She did eat a load of sugary cr*p at a birthday party yesterday and I am beginning to suspect this affects her behaviour, but would the effects still be felt 24 hours later? Or why else could she be actively seeking a showdown and the unpleasant consequences?

Any ideas.... please!

Is she tired? Have you asked her if there's anything wrong? What if you just sat and read with her, watched a video together snuggled up?

I can't see it being sugar. But then because it has never had any hyper effect on my children I find it difficult to believe the 'sugar effect' thing.

She slept until nearly 9 this morning- unheard of. So maybe she had a muzzy head as you do when you have too much sleep (now just a fond memory.... sigh....)

She has done this a few times. I have tried asking her what is wrong but she changes the subject or makes up a nonsense rhyme. It seems to me that she does not really understand herself or is unable to articulate it. We do have a 4 month old baby so clearly were expecting some strange behaviour but I just don't understand what makes some days different from others in terms of triggers- especially as today was v chilled out, DH was at home and giving her loads of attention etc.

If she's only done it a few times maybe she just has off days when things are just a bit too much. I think it might be an idea to watch and see if there is a pattern to it.
Whenever mine are particularly and unusually 'off' we try to be kinder to them than normal. It usually works but sometimes it's just a way of getting through it and we never find out just quite what the matter was.

Pendulum it sounds like the sugary crap. My youngest brother is hypersensitive to food. It caused the family misery for years until mum twigged and we went all Adele Davis brown rice. Even now he goes stupid on additives.

A friend of mine used to completely lose it depending on the food she had eaten. Coca Cola was banned, as was any Haribo-type sweets and Smarties. When I say lose it, I mean turn into the Exorcist, her head used to literally swivel and the language and vileness that came out of her was well beyond anything you'd expect from anyone let alone a little girl. Once she cut all her hair off in a rage, there are other far more unpleasant incidents as well, so you'd do well to take notice of additives and sugar, diet can play a massive factor in a child's behaviour, you are what you eat after all and that still applies to children.

hi pendulum - you could be describing my dd1 who is 3.1. i've also got dd2 who is now 6mo.

i've found various triggers and any combination of them can send her off to meltdown/really bad behaviour including tiredness and sugar.

we've also found that too much cbeebies or nick jnr can affect her behaviour too (not that she does watch much).

i was out with her and dd2 on fri at a garden centre - after behaving really well we had a sit down for a coffee DD1 had water an orange and then i foolishly gave her a freddo for being good - 10 mins later she was on the floor screamning, gong limp when i tried to pick her up to get her back to the car, trying to get her into the car was fun , and i have a few less hairs and a few scratches then she screamed for 20min before falling asleep.

i think that even though we do spend individual time with she still gets a wee bit jealous - even though she just loves her wee sister. we also say to dd2 'hold on a minute whilst i see to dd1' so that it's not always the other way round and dd1 see's that it's not favouritism - that seemed to help quite a bit.

have also found that both DP and need to be consistent with her, and tell her the rules before we doing anything/go out. e.g. if you don't hold onto the buggy whilst we are going to the park then we go straight home.

when she is good she is really really good!

oh dear i seem to have babbled quite a bit

My DD (3.2) had a mammoth strop at bedtime last night too. She was hitting, kicking, punching and blowing raspberries (she's been told raspberries are VERY rude)? Like you, this happens infrequently for us, but when she goes off it's usually a stormer. I've noticed that she does it when she hasn't had a lot of sleep the night before (or a broken sleep). It hasn't been that long since she gave up naps and I think she is just exhausted.

Last night she was so uncontrollable that we shut her in her room for a few minutes to scream it off. She apologised after and said she thought she was grumpy because she needed a wee rest.

No advice for you, but just thought I'd let you know you weren't alone in your troubles last night.

I thank the lord that my neighbours have had kids, the noise must have been appalling, she was like a banshee.

triathlete, lollipopmother, very interesting... do you think the effects of the food would still be seen the next day?

we are usually quite heavy on the home cooked, healthy food (do eat cakes, biscuits etc but make them all myself) but I've never objected to her indulging in the usual favourites at parties.

BTW she seems a lot better today.

I've had a quick look on the internet but I can't find anything that says how long children can be effected by sugar/additives.