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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 Hours till hell breaks loose! How do I put an end to "let's get out of bed" game once and for ALL??

16 replies

lilQuidditchKel · 17/02/2008 17:50

OK it's a bit early, at 22/23 months we put DS into a proper little bed (ie the cotbed bed)...and at first it was brilliant. Cue deep feeling of foreboding as we knew, one day, DS would figure out that he can actually get out himself. The blessed day arrived, about 2 weeks ago.

Now he thinks it's the best game ever to pop out as soon as he's been put down.

No great mystery, I knew it would happen one day, but he doesn't seem to be getting tired of it...grrrr....

We've essentially resigned ourselves to an hour or so of unceremoniously returning him to bed, every nap time and bed time.

He is definitely tired when it's time for a nap or bed. He doesn't think naughty steps are very punishing. Is he too young for a star chart? Should we put him back into a cot??

Cheers...

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Original poster

lilQuidditchKel · 17/02/2008 19:37

guess nobody else has a clue either

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cleaninglady · 17/02/2008 20:11

Probably not much help here but FWIW I dont think going back to the cot set up will help - Can/have you got a stair gate on his door?
This worked with my DD a few years ago - like you we kept doing the taking back to bed for a while and eventually she got bored with it but it did take a while sorry!!!
We did put a stair gate on her door way so she couldnt get out and basically child proofed her room so she couldnt do herself any harm then ignored her shouting unless she was genuinely upset - this seemed to work although we did find her asleep in a heap on the floor a couple of times but she eventually just stayed in bed!!! HTH and good luck !!

Twiglett · 17/02/2008 20:14

you might have to sit outside his room for a few nights

the second you hear him move, pick him up put him back in his bed .. no eye contact, no talking ... and leave

every time

it will stop being a game in a few days

CoteDAzur · 17/02/2008 20:15

Is it possible that he is not tired enough to immediately go to sleep at bedtime?

DD is 2.5 and for a couple of months now she has stopped her daytime nap. When I insisted, she would nap, but bedtime in evenings were hell.

So one day I just kept her out all day so she didn't nap. That night she slept in minutes. Since then she doesn't nap and sleeps much better at night (9 PM to 9 AM).

yomellamoHelly · 17/02/2008 20:22

Ds1 did this. It lasted 6-9 months. I spent about half that time holding the door shut so he couldn't escape and left him to sort himself out. He often fell asleep on the floor by the door. We'd have to return him later, which risked a repeat of the whole process. After a while he stopped trying the door so I could sneak downstairs as long as he didn't hear me. Then came the eureka moment of him climbing back into bed himself after he'd had his play. He was too young for stickers etc. It was just a case of perseverence for us.

Original poster

lilQuidditchKel · 18/02/2008 08:57

Thanks for the input

You have my sympathies, YomellamoHelly, 6-9 months of this!!! If it goes on that long I think we may just put our boy in the shed!!

I would love to put a stairgate up and just let him figure out it's more comfortable to sleep in bed than run around his room all night...but his baby sister has to share his room and she can only withstand so much screaming!

Last night we ended up trying the "put back to bed" thing about 10 times, then took wee DD out and put her on our bed for 20 minutes (thankfully she slept through it). With her safely out of the room, we put DS into her cot - which he hates and which contains him - and after 10 minutes of his protests we put him back in his bed. Presto.

Is it worth doing this every night though??? I'm hoping the cot quarantine can be gradually cut down, till all we need to do is threaten to put him there, then maybe it will all stop. [hopeful emoticon]??

Oh and I do think he is well tired by bedtime. I have a separate problem with his naps though. He naps WAY too long in the afternoon (from 1 till 4 if I let him!) and he wakes early. Simple you say - just cut his nap shorter then he'll be more tired for bed and sleep longer in the morning. HA HA. Doesn't work!! Am thinking of trying yet AGAIN though, as i'm pretty sure 3 hours is too long to sleep in the day...

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dandycandyjellybean · 18/02/2008 15:01

Totally agree with twiglett. The secret is in the fact that he thinks it's a game, so make sure the game isn't any fun. Promise you that if you stick with the 'back to bed - no talk no interaction of any kind' thing for a couple of nights, as many times as it takes, it will work. Truly. Maybe put dd into your bed as soon as she is fast on so that all the in and out won't disturb her, and don't put her back till your ds is asleep?

Oh, and my ds does a big long nap just like yours. I'm a big ol' saddo though and if ds wakes early I go in and give him a dummy (pretty much the only time he has one now) and tell him it's still too early and to snuggle back down. Sometimes he does, sometimes he just rattles round in his room, but at least I get a bit longer in bed !.

Haylstones · 18/02/2008 15:17

Agree, you need to persevere a few nights of putting him straight back to bed every time he gets up. No talking, bribing, cajoling, just do it. He WILL get straight back up giggling and laughing but will get tired of it eventually (took 2-3 nights for us). You will feel like screaming but if your dh/dp is around at that timie I can strongly recommend doing it in 1/2hour stints. I didn't bother trying that during the day- we just had 'quiet time' in the afternoon when we'd snuggle together to watch tv or read a story and if dd was tired enough she'd nap on the sofa. That way the background noise etc stopped her sleeping too long.

FWIW, we also told her the story about Wee Willie Winkie and how he comes round all the houses and is really happy when he finds all the children are asleep and that seemed to encourage her to want to go to sleep... I'm hoping it's not because we scared her

Reamhar · 18/02/2008 15:17

For some strange reason our eldest wasn't a problem going to bed at night, but was a nightmare at nap times during the day.

In the end we used to put him down for naps in his travel cot, and sleep at night in his bed.

Other than keeping put him straight back into bed until he gets bored with the "game", I can't offer any other suggestions, sorry, but I feel for you.

Smee · 18/02/2008 15:58

Going to sound like the meanest mother ever now, but we took his favourite soft toy away (or threatened to). We put him to bed, kissed him goodnight, then if he got up we'd gently put him back and say it's time for sleep and that if he got up again we'd have to take Mr Fox as he couldn't sleep with all this fidgeting. If DS did it again we took the Fox. Once he'd promised to stay in bed he instantly got it back. We didn't have to get cross, just were very matter of fact about it. He so wanted his fox that from what I remember it worked after only two nights.
Of course you haven't a hope unless he's got something favourite that he sleeps with

Original poster

lilQuidditchKel · 19/02/2008 20:58

UPDATE!

You guys are truly a godsend. I don't know what I'd do without your words of encouragement and sympathy!!

OK so we've been patiently (ha!) doing the 'boringly with no eye contact back to bed' thing. Naptime yesterday it took a full hour. Nighttime yesterday it took half an hour. This naptime was ruined because he fell asleep in the car for 15 minutes then couldn't get back to sleep...so like you Haylstones, we just had 'quiet time' (well, I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition and he played with blocks).

Tonight it took 20 minutes. So it does seem we are gradually winning the war, battle by battle. Phew. You do really feel like throwing your own tantrum, though. Generally he's getting quite fiesty now, and it's just soooo irritating!!

Oh and we put DD into a travel cot in our room. It's a push space wise to fit the cot in there but we figured better to cut some of the stress of it all and at least let her sleep in peace and quiet. It's kindof nice actually having her back in our room...that's me being broody...

Please let it end soon!! Drinks for everyone when that happy day arrives!!

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Original poster

lilQuidditchKel · 19/02/2008 20:59

Oh and I cut his afternoon nap down to 1.5 hours, MAX. No more of this 'let's sleep all day and become a monkey at bedtime' business.

Smee, you are quite mean but it has it's uses... and DS does have a most precious little teddy he can't live without...hmmmmmmm

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dandycandyjellybean · 20/02/2008 10:56

well done lqk, slowly and steady won the race! Keep it up, you have done brilliantly. And mines and large pinot grigio!

Original poster

lilQuidditchKel · 20/02/2008 20:22

Thanks cubby

We fought a real Waterloo this afternoon at naptime. 35 minutes of up & down. It felt like a true eternity!!!

Alas, tonight it only took 5 minutes!

but we took away his teddy!!

So, who's having what then?

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dandycandyjellybean · 20/02/2008 20:38

Hurrah! And hey, whatever works! Just having a gin and tonic at the mo.....

Original poster

lilQuidditchKel · 21/02/2008 16:36

Cubby, and anyone else...

major, major setback today.

who are these people (supernannies?) made of 100% pure patience? I'm sorry but after the 2000th time of putting my son back to bed (no exaggeration) I had to wonder, what the HELL is going on in his head? Doesn't he get it by now????

Then the doorknob came off. Which of course made my whole effort crumble into a big joke, because the key is just to keep it very calm, boring, repetitive, and hope they give up.... but the doorknob was the charm breaker.

One hour later my boy is still refusing to go to bed, and I put him in his sister's cot (thankfully she is sleeping in a travel cot in our room at this time). I seriously contemplate keeping him in there the rest of the afternoon. But I do get him out, put him in bed, and he stays, and would sleep ... but I get him up after 90 minutes so that his nap isn't too long. He is totally miserable. And so am I.

This is one of those moments when you really wonder why you ever wanted children...and days filled with screaming, clueless faces. It must get better --- but how do you get past it??

if it weren't for Cbeebies and white wine I would not even be able to type this, that is how frustrated I am!!!!

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