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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS1 loves the idea of birthday parties but bursts into tears as soon as we arrive....

9 replies

happypiglet · 16/02/2008 16:26

I am starting to think it is my fault... Last weekend and this we have been to parties of good friends who he sees a lot and he is really excited but when we get there he bursts into tears and won't leave my side. He is 4 by the way.
At today's party other mum's left their children and I was one of only 2 mums who stayed. And then DS1 wouldn't join in and I ended up doing all the games with him whilst the others seemed fine.
He sees most of these children at pre-school every day!
Have others had problems like this- he goes to pre-school fine. Will he always be like this? Is it something I have done? I know I shouldn't but I find it faintly embarrassing. Words of encouragement please!

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TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 16/02/2008 16:36

He will grow out of it. Lots of parents still have to stay with their DCs at this age and often until they are school-aged 5 or 6yo's.

If you accept an invitation just assume that you will be staying and joining in. Make sure he knows you are going to stay so he's not hanging onto you for fear of you leaving.

And it's much easier for the host if you stay and help than leave her with an unhappy child, so don't feel embarrassed about it.

As he grows in confidence and joins in more, you could start doing short leaves by saying, "I'm just going to get my coat from the car" etc.

FranMay · 16/02/2008 22:21

Hello - my ds (3.8) is a cautious one and would react the same at a party! I've been told he plays alongside the other children at nursery rather than interacting much so have started worrying about that... You could get hold of a relevant story for him? 'Titch and Daisy' is one we've read, by Pat Hutchins. Titch goes to a party and hides the whole way through as he can't find his friend 'Daisy'. Then he finds Daisy hiding under the table and they both join in. I wouldn't be embarrassed, the other mums will probably be worrying just as much by some other aspect of behaviour at a party!

foxinsocks · 16/02/2008 22:22

yes, mine was like this till really quite recently. He didn't like the noise or all the people and he would try and hide under my jersey or shirt . He did this for ages - till he was about 5ish I reckon.

Maidamess · 16/02/2008 22:24

My ds(4) was exactly the same u ntil he went to a party at someones house rather than a cavernous sports hall. He had a whale of a time, even with noisy fireworks!

thecalpollady · 17/02/2008 07:47

DD1 was like this. She would be so excited and then soon as she arrived she would burst into tears and cling on to me for dear life. Her problem was the noise level. Some of these parties can be so loud (worse than nightclubs LOL!) But one day she went with a friend and she was fine. She was four then. Also, I always went with her to the parties and stayed with her. It wasn't until she was about 51/2 that I left her on her own with her friends at parties.

Just give it time and be patient with them. There'll come a time when he won't want you at the party.

branflake81 · 17/02/2008 07:53

My sister was like this until she was abiut 8. She would go to the party but would refuse to join in any games. My mum used to explain she didn't like games and then leave her there. She soon learned to join in.

mrsstresshead · 12/03/2008 16:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Chooster · 12/03/2008 18:20

My Ds1 is the same! Hes now 3.9yrs and plays really well with other kids at nursery although I'd never say he was a leader if you know what I mean, but he interates really well. But then since Jan this year he has been scared of being at parties and doesn't let go of me and he wont join in. Sometimes he says "when are we going home" which can be a bit embarassing - although as has been said here there is really nothing to be embarassed about! When I asked Ds what the issue was he just said it was too loud and noisy .

Anyway, I posted on here asking if I should keep him away from parties for a while and the general consensus was to keep taking him, dont get embarassed and dont push him to join in - he'll just go for it in his own time. So far I've been doing that and he doesn't show any signs of letting go yet - but I'm still hopeful !

Smithagain · 12/03/2008 20:31

DD1 was the same until she went to school. Six months later, she came home from a party (which she had instructed me NOT to attend), and announced that she has won musical statues. As far as I knew, she had never in her life even consented to jigging about on the fringes of musical statues, but apparently she had been the centre of attention and loving it.

So don't worry just yet! Just resign yourself to going along and make yourself useful to the hostess, who is normally quite happy to have a few extra pairs of hands!

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