7 week old isn't meeting milestones. 8 week check coming up and nervous!

[heatherd517]

Hi everyone. So this whole panic started last week when HV came round for my baby girl's 6 week appointment. She reeled off a ton of development related questions in really quick succession. Can baby follow your finger with her eyes?...no. Can she hold eye contact for long periods of time?...no. Does she smile at familiar faces? ... no. Does she reach out for you?... no. Does she become distressed when you leave the room?... no. Does she coo and make vowel sounds? ... no. I was almost crying by the end. She seemed most concerned about the smiling and told me that if she isn't smiling by 8 weeks we'll be referred to a development specialist and will have further testing to make sure she's not impaired. I've been in bits ever since. I wasn't worried before this visit as baby was born at 37 weeks due to FGR so I assumed she would hit milestones 3 weeks later than the average baby that was born at 40 weeks but HV totally disregarded this theory and made me feel like my baby will be special needs and have impairments. I also thought the fact that she has terrible tummy problems and is going through the CMPA milk challenge, I thought of course she wont smile through that she's too uncomfortable! but apparently even the most unhappy babies are smiling, cooing, reaching out and tracking and following by 8 weeks. She made it sound very no ifs no buts thats what she should be doing and the fact she isn't means there is definitely a problem.
I'm now almost embarrassed to take baby round to families homes and to see friends because I'm worried they think that she's special needs but are too scared to tell me.
I'm so worried about going to her 8 week check because I'm so worried about what they'll say and what will be discovered.
I've talked myself into so many pits. She was born via forceps so I've even had daily panic attacks thinking she may be brain damaged or have cerebral pulsey!
Has anyone else had the same talk with HV? have they pressured anyone else into seeing the first smile and threatened to refer to specialists if it doesn't happen by a certain time?
If this all ends up being nonsense and the HV overreacting I'm going to be really really mad with her (although relieved that nothing is wrong) because she's effectively stolen 2 happy weeks of my little girls life away from me because I've spent it crying and having panic attacks endlessly staring at her praying she'll wake up one morning beaming from ear to ear and following my every move with her eyes and cooing! It's even taken a tole on my relationship as my partner thinks its all silly and she'll do it all in her own time and is sick of me talking about it.
Some other peoples experiences would be great to hear!

I'm so sorry that you feel that all of this has robbed you of enjoying your DD and that you are finding it difficult.

I think that if your DD does need support, it's much better that she gets it as soon as possible and you and her are not ignored.

It sounds as though your HV has done this progress checker. Have you tried going through the things and seeing how he scores now?

I'd really recommend going to any appointments your HV recommends. Like you say, it could just because she's feeling miserable but if she does need some support, it's much better that she gets it now.

Can I just ask a bit about the CMPA as well? When you say that you're doing the "CMPA milk challenge" do you mean that she's been switched from a regular formula to one that hydrolysed so that the protein is broken down?

She sorry not he. Didn't mean to misgender your DD!

Hello!
I am so sorry you are going through all this!
To be honest your HV sounds a bit crazy. All these milestones lists are references and every child will meet them at a slighlty different speed.
However, i am quite sure my son (Born at 38 weeks) was meeting most ot the early milestones (first 4 months) a few week later and i am also quite sure he smiled after the 8 weeks (i remeber googling "when should a baby smile" and becoming concernd) and now he is 15 months, thriving and smiling lot.
Don't allow your HV to make you miserabile during these important early weeks with your baby and look for a second opinion before panicking.
I had to change my son doctor beacuse the first was so nervous and making me feel miserable (long long story).
Doctors are human beeings and some are just a bit too anxious!

Obviously i have never seen your baby but from yoir description it sounds he just needs a bit extratime.

I assumed she would hit milestones 3 weeks later than the average baby that was born at 40 weeks but HV totally disregarded this theory and made me feel like my baby will be special needs and have impairments.

Can I ask what your HV said @heatherd517?

The CMPA milk challenge is when your baby gets put on hydrolysed milk for a period of time and then you slowly give small amounts of normal milk into each bottle to confirm the allergy. She’s pretty miserable with it

She just said that’s not the case and all babies should hit these milestones at the same time regardless of the gestation they were born at which I’m sure isn’t the case

If she's miserable been given any amount of normal formula, I'd stop and just give the hydrolysed. Has the GP referred her to a Paediatric Dietician? If not, I'd go back to the GP, says she's failed the "CMPA challenge" and needs to stay on the Hydrolysed Formula and also needs a referral to the Paediatric Dieticians.

I've got CMPA so I know how utterly miserable and painful or can be.

Yeah it’s the paediatric dietician that’s advised we do the challenge. We need to keep her on the challenge until our next appointment at the end of the week so he can review her symptoms.

I’m sure your HV is wrong about corrected ages vs actual age milestones. Her reasoning is probably that because your baby was born at 37 weeks they are classed as ‘full term’ and not ‘premature’ but that extra 3 weeks still needs to be taken into consideration at this very early stage of her life.

I was worried about these things too because my baby wasn’t smiling and didn’t really make eye contact (or look at faces at all) by 8 weeks. The GP referred her to the paediatrician but the day after the GP appt she smiled and by the time of the paediatrician appt (about 11 weeks) she was doing the other things too. My daughter was born at 38 weeks and I did feel like that made a difference even though they still count it as ‘term’! She is now 7 months and smiles loads and has excellent eye contact.

(I found the wonder weeks app useful because that goes by due date rather than birth date).