9 yo can't stop thinking about death and dying

[sunshine05]

My 9yo has told me he keeps thinking about death/dying and can't get it out of his head. It's been going on over a month now. It's usually at bedtime but today he said he'd been thinking about it during the day. It upsets him when he can't stop his brain doing it. I've tried talking to him about it, asked him if he has any questions, I've talked about how it's a natural process and all animals and humans die etc. I've talked about how some people believe in heaven and others have other religious beliefs. We're not religious so maybe it makes it harder for him. I've also told him to distract himself with reading or thinking about other things but he says it doesn't work. I'm just not sure what to do. I've googled and advice just says they'll 'grow out of it' -really helpful!

TIA!

So sorry @sunshine05 that's not something that I've experienced.

I know you're not religious but could you go along the lines of some people believe in reincarnation and some people believe in heaven and then try and steer the conversation to talking about those beliefs?

As an adult I have this thought process and it rears it’s ugly head every now and then and then it is like a continuous thought process in my head for months so although I’m an adult I can understand his feelings as I can remember it starting from an incredibly young age (and as he describes it can be in intrusive thought that is very difficult to get out my mind)

I think it would be really beneficial to get him to find something he believes in or likes the idea of such as reincarnation… I know you have already said you have spoke to him about different beliefs. my big fear when I was younger was the thought that my parents would die and I’d be on my own and that’s how I got into the continuous thought process of death. Maybe you could speak to him about how in reincarnation you can find each other in another life.

another thing that might be beneficial is talking to him about what an impact he can have on the world, to make the world a better place and leave his ‘mark’.

Encourage him to find something he can get his teeth sunk into, something he enjoys that can distract his mind, building things such as complex legos or build your own kits, something that uses his mind and concentration to distract him.

a small little note and I don’t want you thinking ‘omg’. intrusive and obsessive thoughts that can’t leave your mind and are always there can be a sign of ‘ocd’ and I know children are labelled easily and a lot and I’m not diagnosing your ds over mumsnet but it may be worth a doctors trip if it has been going on for over a month and the thought process is getting ‘worse’

My 6 year old does this and it has gotten out of control where he is physically sick. So yes it’s not nice! He doesn’t like being alone especially at bedtime so I’ve made sure I stay with him and it is improving, most nights now I can leave him before he falls asleep. Audio stories can help keep his mind off thoughts as well. I think I’d you’ve talked it through then trying to turn his thoughts to happier things as much as possible is the way to go. Keep him busy, I was worried it would happen at school but I think he’s so busy he doesn’t think about it there. Death is scary and I don’t believe in anything either so I don’t have a way to cushion it. Just talk about it truthfully but I do reassure him that we are all well and healthy and to focus on living! Avoiding death in cartoons/books etc while it’s in his mind so much is probably a good idea.

Thanks for all your replies! He seems to be better the last few weeks (fingers crossed) he told me at one point that he was worried about the thought of not being able to breathe when you die (like when you're holding your breath or drowning) and how you'd be fighting for breath and struggling etc. I told him it isn't like that and it's calm and the breathing just slows, there's no struggling. After that the frequency of him being upset about it has reduced so I think that was the main thing that was freaking him out.

I will definitely use some of your suggestions if it becomes an issue again x