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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am on the edge of either a breakdown or loosing my temper...

50 replies

Nemoandthefishes · 15/02/2008 11:22

Ds[4.4] has always been a bad sleeper but the past 5mths we thought we had cracked it he was sleeping through and even slept in a couple of times. Now the past week he has been a nightmare again and I dont know what to do. Last night he was screaming and carrying on so much he woke both dds and I ended up roaring at him. Obviously that doesnt help with his no sleeping but what on earth can I do??? I have no not slept a full night since being pg with him due to having 2 teething dds the last 6mths I have been getting on average 5hrs a night sleep. I go to bed earlier and it makes no difference as I cant sleep. Last night he woke up at 12.30am and didnt go back to sleep until after 3am and of course dd1 was up at 6.20am so how do I get him to sleep before I either kill him or myself[yes I suffer severe depression which is made worse by the lack of sleep]

OP posts:

delcymru · 15/02/2008 13:55

Maybe you or / and your dh could take it in turns to sleep in his room, that might make him feel more secure and safe in his room , rather than letting him sleep in yours. Although that might let you all get some sleep for a while ( although you might not get much rest with an extra person squashed in) , you'll probably still have issues when it comes time to get him back in his room. I was a bad sleeper as a child , I think you have to be taught to feel secure and know that you'll be safe.

foxythesnowman · 15/02/2008 14:02

Depends on Nemo and her needs though.

Personally, I'd be working to a solution and looking more long-term. Although I'd be tempted to let him sleep in for a night or two just to get the strength to crack it, but this would be giving mixed messages that says its OK to do it when it suits me.

If I were in your position Nemo I would:
call the GP/HV and see if they can help
bunk down in his room for a night or two and see how that develops.

It may be he wakes up scared. It may be that he is in the habit of waking up in the middle of the night. It might help you work out what the problem is.

Or, can you get him a full-size bed, so when he does come in you can get in his and get some lovely zzzzz's?

juuule · 15/02/2008 14:47

When we've had this situation at times over the years we have done these things:

Sofa bed in our room for child to get into during the night.

Slept with the child in their own bed.

Let them bring sleeping bag/ duvet cover / own pillow and sleep next to our bed.

Taken sleeping bag/ duvet/ own pillow and slept next to them in their bed.

Taken child downstairs to settle /fall asleep and then carried back to bed.

At the moment we still have the cot up in our room. If our dd (4y8m) is upset in the night she brings her teddies and climbs in.

If your child needs reassurance that all is well and safe then somehow I think that you need to arrange that for him. Hopefully in a way that will ensure everyone gets a reasonable nights sleep.

And as always - These things are not forever and they will pass.

HonoriaGlossop · 15/02/2008 17:29

as always, juule is the voice of reason and common sense

helenelisabeth · 15/02/2008 18:58

Good advice juuule. Exactly what I do/would do. If a child needs reassurance then you need to you do utmost to reassure them. If not, you are only going to make them more insecure.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/02/2008 19:35

thanks all
We have gone with 2 options, dh has put a cd player in ds room with his fave cd in and told him if he wakes scared then he can put it on quietly. We have also got a readybed set up in our bedroom just in case he needs it although we havent told him this is an option as dont want him thinking he will just come in iykwim.

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juuule · 15/02/2008 19:38

On the other hand if he knows it's there if he needs it, he might feel relaxed enough to sleep through.
And once he's been in one night he'll know it's there after that. So maybe tell him about it to reassure him and let him know the procedure.

juuule · 15/02/2008 19:39

Sounds a good plan by the way

foxythesnowman · 15/02/2008 21:04

Good luck tonight Nemo. Here's sending some soundly sleeping vibes your way

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 15/02/2008 21:46

oh dear not going well so far and we arent even at his normal waking time.
Usually he wakes around midnight tonight he has gone for 9pm. Although he had turned on the cd he then started crying do went and sat with him offered him a drink etc and have just come down as he was settled but not quite asleep.

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HonoriaGlossop · 15/02/2008 21:56

oh bless his little heart for turning on the CD....he's trying his best, isn't he.

Good luck, hope he sleeps through - but if he doesn't at least you have a solution planned - that must take the pressure off a bit

TotalChaos · 15/02/2008 21:57

just seen this. no words of wisdom, just hope he is more settled tonight.

juuule · 15/02/2008 22:25

Poor thing. As HG says he's trying his best to do it himself and please you. If he doesn't settle gather him close and give him a cuddle. Let him go up with you and tuck him into his bedside little bed in your room. Sounds like he might really need that closeness for a while.

Hope all goes well tonight and you all get a good sleep.

maisiedaisy · 15/02/2008 22:28

No words of wisdom, just sending lots of positive vibes x

hermykne · 15/02/2008 22:29

perhaps a small teaspoon of phenergen or something....
as a fast solution to maybe getting a few good nights sleep. then getting your energy back on track and tackling the problem with a new tack , using some of the hints here.

wouldnt recommend the above but you do seem to need some sleep.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 16/02/2008 07:13

thanks all.
Night was a bit horrendous again but he has a cough and he did stay in his bed. He cried out quite a bit but didnt want to move so kept putting his cd on. However yet again this morning he has not recollection of it.

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stoppinattwo · 16/02/2008 07:23

Hi Nemo.........C was like this and we put up a little camp bed in our room........he spent the next 6 months nipping into our room and getting in there. it worked really well tbh and now well there is no problem at all, just gotta do the same with M now!!!!

I also think the cold nights atm dont help, mine usually come in either because something has bothered them or they have kicked their covers off and got cold.

Good luck luvvie XX

Heifer · 16/02/2008 07:56

Hi Nemo, my DD is the same since our move up North.

Although she didn't sleep through until she was 2.5 and even now we have to stay in her room until she is almost asleep at bedtime she was sleeping through the night brilliantly before our move.

Since then she has woken almost every night and come into our room. We have a rule that one of us has to take her back to her room and lie on the floor next to her bed until she is asleep again (which is usually only 5 mins)...

We had a break through this week! she has slept 4 nights through! and even better has stayed in her room playing in the morning until we have come into her room around 6.30/7.00pm..

I know it is a pain having to take them back to bed but it really worked with our DD and often DH falls asleep on the floor next to her, but we are glad that we were patient with her as no, no arguements and life so much better...

I don't think she will sleep through every night but at least we have something that works for us.

keep trying things out and I am sure that you will find something that works for you..

In the mean time, give those bags under your eyes a name (prada etc)and pretend those extra wrinkles are laughter lines...

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 16/02/2008 08:03

pmsl thanks heifer

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Heifer · 16/02/2008 08:10

no worries nemo - glad I can make you larf even if no real advice usually,

I have decided that is my aim on MN just to make people snigger...

foxythesnowman · 16/02/2008 14:15

I think Heifer's strategy is a good one.

Hope tonight is better

3littlefrogs · 16/02/2008 14:29

juuule is exactly right.

4 is very young. It is completely normal for him to be frightened by the burglary.

Life is too short to fight with small children over things that are essentially self limiting. I posted on MN a while back about poor DH falling out of bed one night because there were so many people in it! He just went and found an empty bed and got into it. We played "musical beds" in our house for a few years - that is what parenting small children is about IMHO. In many cultures, children would never be expected to sleep alone.

If he can't get back to sleep, a story CD or tape is very soothing. A quiet, dark house is quite scary for a child, when everyone else is asleep.

I have 3 dcs. They all sleep peacefully and happily in their own beds and enjoy the paeace of their own rooms. They all went through longish phases of needing to be with us - either in the bed or curled up in a duvet on the floor. It is normal.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 17/02/2008 20:43

Last night was another semi bad night again with him crying about 5 times until I convinced him to come and sleep on the ready bed then he slept through until 7am. Apparently yesterday he was telling dh stories about bad men breaking in with hammers and stealing childrens toys so obviously the break in is the root of the current behaviours and sleeping issues.

OP posts:

juuule · 17/02/2008 20:44

Was he reluctant to sleep on the ready-bed?
It does sound as though the break-in is playing a major part in this.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 17/02/2008 20:54

he wasnt reluctant about the ready bed as such more that he wanted to be in our bed and in his stubborn mood he didnt want to be anywhere else so would rather cry in his own bed. We have told him the readybed is there for him tonight if he wants it and have put an extra blanket on it as he said it was a little cold.

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