Hi, I'd really like some advice on what to do.
My 6yo is treating one of the grandparents badly (they feel completely rejected) and I'm not sure how to handle it.
Let's call my parents A/B and inlaws C/D.
My 6yo has always had a strong, positive relationship with C/D. They have a similar approach to parenting as we do (more Authoritative, gentle parenting, respecting other people's / children's behaviour, open communication) whereas A/B are much more traditional - A in particular is very much an Authoritarian and I believe has Narcissistic and manipulative behaviours, with one-way communication, looks down on children (even me, as their own child), expects/demands respect. A also has experience of their own childhood trauma, which plays a major factor in everyday life, but especially this, hence feeling rejected.
I fully understand / accept their differences, which of course stem from their own backgrounds and experiences.
My 6yo loves them all and loves seeing them / spending time with them all, but it's the difference in her behaviour between the two sets of grandparents that worries me.
My 6yo won't say hello to A, often ignore them in front of other family members, is rude to them, won't show much affection towards them or want to engage with them. Whereas A knows that my 6yo is the opposite with C/D. This is why we have stopped family gatherings with them all there. There is also jealousy there, which again I can understand.
To my knowledge, A has done nothing wrong. Not said anything, done anything to my 6yo. I don't know if it's the way A behaves with our 6yo (eg they'll treat my 6yo as though they're younger, tries to force her to take part in family photos when they don't want to), but they are feeling so rejected and upset by the situation, which I can completely understand.
I accept we could and should pull our 6yo up on this more (and will be), but we also don't want to force them to do things they don't want to do. We also recognise they are only 6 and behave like a typical 6yo - I believe A expects children to behave older than they do and essentially become people pleaser (like me, which I'm trying to break out from).
A said they blame us for the situation and wont listen to anything I say. I've tried to explain that our parenting approaches are very different, and there isn't any point in explaining that in detail to them, as they simply wont listen / understand/ accept it.
I really want A to feel loved and for them to have a great relationship with our 6yo, but I'm not sure what to do.
Thanks if you've got this far.
Any advice? Or similar experiences?