22mo bad behaviour, slapped his hand..feel awful

[Volkl]

not sure i'm handling this correctly.

DS is throwing tantrums and i just ignore them, or divert his attention to something else.

However he really pushes me, for example we were playing with his cars etc he picked up a large tractor yesterday and threw it at me. It hit my face and i told him off & slapped his hand, he cried then said sorry and he started playing nicely again. Literally the second i relaxed he picked it up and threw it again. This time it hit my shoulder, i took the tractor and told him it was going in the bin (i didnt i hid it in the kitchen). He was upset again, but got over it quickly.

I work full time and when i get home try to give him 100% whilst cooking his tea etc. He helps cooking sometimes, plays with pots & pans the usual. But when he wants to perform (which seems more regular at the moment) he is terrible.

What am i doing wrong? I feel terribly guilty for slapping his hand

Ok first things first, you working full time is irrelevant so don't beat yourself up about it. You've already hinted at the solution, you slapped it didn't work, you tried something else it did. He is at a bloody trying age and neither of you are perfect. You feel bad about slapping him, fine, move on and make the decision not to do it again. You are doing your best and you care enough to be upset. DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP

Seconding Wildwoman, you are not doing anything wrong!

He is pushing his boundries, and your buttons - its what they do. FWIW I think from around 18 months to 3 years-ish is sooo trying and testing.

I don't have any solutions I'm afraid (and I've had 3 gone through this already!) but do take a deep breath and try not to react. Sometimes they do it to get a reaction, good or bad. I think praising the good behaviour and making a big fuss when he does something good, and playing down/ignoring bad behaviour.

I think I introduced a 'thinking chair' (basically facing a wall) when DS1 was naughty, but he kind of 'got it', would sit there, say sorry and move on. Some children will get off and that becomes part of the issue.

This is a really difficult age IME. Part of it comes from pushing their boundries, some comes from frustration - my theory is they want/need to communicate but can't. Its a huge transition they are going through, from baby to child. Sit tight, ignore as much as you can, and wait for it to pass.

Another thing that got me through the really bad days was the thought of a cold glass of wine waiting for me at 7pm

Tis hard, but it passes

I didn't mean to sound so bossy sorry!

As foxy said it is a difficult age. They are too little to reason with but big enough to delberately wind you up! I think that you just have to take a deep breath and really try not to get angry. They are much easier to deal with if you can stay calm but admitedly difficult to be calm with tractors flying at your head! I think that the things that work best at this age are trying to heap praise on anything good that they do and being firm and consistent but not over the top with the bad.

don't feel guilty, just chalk it up to experience - it's shown you that it's no magic 'cure' to slap his hand and doesn't make this sort of issue go away! It's more effective to do what you did and actually remove the toy.

If they get fixed on this throwing thing it can be a good time to switch to an activity they are almost guaranteed to be absorbed by, such as you blowing bubbles for them to chase, or water play at the sink, or finger paints (DS used to love 'painting' on the glass of our patio doors)

It's diversion basically I guess I'm recommending. Also I know some people like to pass the children immediately on to something they CAN throw like a foam ball, or something equally harmless

But I think you did right to be clear - as birdy says, a bit of firmness and consistency will go a long, long way

sorry DH stole laptop

thanks for the support i'm really trying to do my best yet i swear he just does more and more. About 30 mins after this incident he pushed our bin over, i'm worried i'm bringing up a yob of the future and i'm scared its my fault.

i guess i'll keep walking away and perhaps order that bottle of wine a day early

one thing people ALWAYS do is project this behaviour to the future, and under that spotlight the behaviour looms up looking worse than it is.

Of course you're not bringing up a yob of the future.

He pushed the bin over because he is ONE.

He's still a baby and behaving utterly appropriately! As people have said, just be firm and consistent and do not panic or read too much into this