My 2 year old is uncontrollable

[Matilda07]

My 2 year old daughter has been the angel child up until Christmas. Since Christmas Day she has been throwing tantrums and just being genuinely naughty 90% of the time. We put it down to different routine, lots of new toys etc.. but it hasn’t ended. She turned 2 in the middle of Jan and realised this is just terrible 2’s. But it’s just getting progressively worse. The screaming fits she throws honestly make me want to cry. I dread taking her out as she refuses to hold my hand walking/crossing the road and if I hold her hand she goes crazy. She wants to do what she wants to do and if you say no or try distract her from leaving/doing something else, it’s just carnage. she goes out lots and does fun things, sees family/friends multiple times a week. She’s started a new thing where she stands by the front door wanting to go out no matter what time of day it is, Attends nursery where they say she’s an angel, shares well etc so I’m very confused why she’s like this at home. if I say to her we aren’t going out yet, it causes absolute chaos. She’s very good at understanding and she listens to instructions and follows very well, but her tantrums/screaming are becoming a huge problem to the point where they’re scaring her younger brother (11 months). She throws things, hits out at adults. Anything her siblings touches/plays with she wants and screams when she can’t have her own way and I’m at a complete loss. My eldest is non verbal autistic with social communication delay, so I’ve never experienced any of this with her so I feel like my 2nd child is actually my 1st where all these things are the first times for me. She barely eats meals, just constantly wants snacks and if I say no, she goes crazy. She refuses most meals or has a couple mouth fulls then calls it a day. 20-30 mins later she screaming by the kitchen door where she wants food, but fruit/crisps/snack bars and so on. Can anyone give any suggestions/advice? I’ve tried talking calmly, firmly, time in her room to calm down, ignoring, having family members try with her etc.. nothings working and I am exhausted of going through this every single day as my partner works long days, so I’m lone parenting most of the time

Get her hearing tested.

Does she have tonsil problems? How does she sleep?

I would keep in mind that although she might be very different from your eldest she might also be autistic as it tends to run in families - with DS it wasn't really obvious until he was much older. On the other hand it might be terrible twos, just stay calm, clear and consistent and hope it doesn't last too long!

Something I’d have to keep an eye out for, but so far her speech is very good, nothing to make me think it’s anything autism but who knows in the future!

I will definitely push for her hearing, but she responds well, we whisper a lot as a game and I look away which makes me laugh so I’m not so sure it’s the hearing side of things, plus our doctors tend to fob everyone off.. as for her tonsils, again I’m not sure. Took her to the doctors last week as she has had a bit of cough for a few weeks now and they never noticed anything and they did look in her mouth, but if this behaviour continues I may go back and push more as this is not like her she’s always been a happy baby, barely ever cried has always been so happy so if it’s illness’ related I’d understand this all

Also, her sleeping, she has always slept well. Slept through the night from about 2-3 months. Anything between 12-14 hours. Went to bed well, if she was tired she'd go to the stair gate and saying night night and go up and go to sleep with no fuss. Wake up happy, but the last couple weeks has been awful. She screams for about 20-30 mins and cries herself to sleep. I go in and reassure her, give her dummy/comforter back as she throws them out her cot etc and I find going in makes her a lot worse. I can't bring myself to do the cry it out method, I'd end up crying with her in the next room.. she's been waking in the night for hours at a time and still waking at her normal 7am even though she's had barely any sleep at night!

I mean quality of sleep, my little girl sleeps 12 hours straight but has sleep apnea due to adenoids. Her sleep quality is really poor and it makes her irritable and a little hyperactive (an in an overtired child way).

I’m concerned about my 3 year old daughter’s behaviour. She was such an angel up until around just before her second birthday. This lasted a while then she did calm down a lot. But the last few months she’s gotten worse and worse. She will literally scream until she’s blue in the face. Incident tonight was she was being rude to my mum saying she wanted something else on the IPad. I took the iPad off her as I do not condone my children being rude, especially after I told her to ask nicely multiple times.. she literally screamed the house down for around half an hour. I had to wrestle her to get her pjs on, then I put her to bed. I had to carry her upstairs kicking and screaming and into her room. I went in after a couple mins to calm her down and she fell asleep. She was definitely overtired, but she’s like this when she’s not overtired. She’s never witnessed any conflict in the house etc, so I don’t understand why she is this bad. People kept telling me it’s phase, but it’s so reoccurring I’m starting to get worried. She’s an angel at nursery, she shares well, plays nicely with her peers. But at home, with her cousins etc, everything is hers, whatever they have, she wants. I have tried explaining, talking nice and calm, been a bit tougher and told her off, taken the toys off her etc, but nothing works. She back chats all the time, will shout no at me if I ask her to do things, demands snacks, food and drink etc.. Me and her dad are going to confiscate the iPad for a few days or until her behaviour starts to improve, but I’m not sure at this age it will do much?
She is such a loving girl and when she’s good, it’s so lovely to be around her, but it’s more often than not she is acting out and I do not know what to do anymore. I feel anxious over the thought of family coming over, I avoid inviting my friends who have children over in case she acts like it etc.
what advice to people have? I’m desperate here 😩

How are things now? X