2 year old started to hate socialising

[figandmaple16]

Hey,
I am sure there is nothing to worry about, but just wondering if anyone else has experienced this with their toddler.

Since my 2.5 year old was around 1 year old, I took him to the same playgroup where I volunteer 3 times a week. This then increased to 5 days a couple of months ago when the playgroup opened Monday to Friday. He always enjoyed it before, he just done his own thing, playing with toys and walking around confidently like he owned the place lol.. However since January approximately, he seems to have regressed a bit that way. He hates crowds, doesn't want to interact with even familiar faces, and just always says he wants to go home (his speech is amazing and he's reached or exceeded every milestone). He doesn't like when we have visitors (we rarely do) but doesn't even like it when my mum comes over, and he loves her!

He just seems to be becoming very anti social, and I don't know if this is a bit extreme..

Further info - he is very attached to me, I can't spend any time away from him because he will not give up with the crying and the "I want to go home" and "mama mama mama"..

Has anyone else experienced/experiencing this?

Thanks!

It could be totally normal. 5 sessions a week is a lot if you're volunteering. Could you cut it down to 3 times so he has some different things to do on other days?

I have cut it down, as that's what I initially thought when he didn't want to set foot in there! However, it's not just the playgroup.. it's with friends, family etc
I think things are fine with him developmentally, just wondering how long I can expect this to last and if there's anything I should do for example - should I continue at playgroup even for 15 minutes, or encourage him more to interact with family and friends, or do I just let him be.. really not sure what the best practice would be.

One thing I found helpful with playgroup was to arrive when it was quiet but if you are helping out, you're probably doing that already?

As for family and friends, if it's separation anxiety I wouldn't encourage him no, just let him sit with you until he's ready.

What's your gut feeling on this though? You mentioned twice that he's "developmentally normal", is that something that's bothering you?

Separation anxiety could be it? He doesn't let me leave a room or able to spend any time with even granny for any period of time without me.. although he does avoid interaction when I am there, is that the same?
The reason I am mentioning that I have no concerns about his development is because, from other conversations I have had about this people have asked me about autism, and I really have no suspicions of that at all - I am absolutely certain it's a phase.. I am just unsure what's the best way to go about it, and to be honest I am wondering how he got into this phase because we have always been very active socially at playgroups, parks, soft play etc and he has an older brother and of course sees his friends, the neighborhood children etc.

And yes! I open up often or am one of the first people to arrive.. I thought he was bored of it at first, and now we only attend once a week (because my niece and mum attend together that day and we go for lunch after) because I don't want to force him to go, but I am not sure if just removing him is the best way to help him with it.. But when he covers his face, and says he wants to go home when someone (even family and friends) says hello to him, I'm beginning to see the behaviour is wider than just playgroup.. would this be a behaviour if they have separation anxiety?

It could be separation anxiety but an over reliance on you, coupled with dislike of loud noises and dislike of socialising could be ASD too. I didn't want to jump to "he's not socialising" "well that's obviously ASD " but the more you mention, the more he seems to be showing traits and other people, who know him, are verbalising this to you.

Has your HV done the Ages & Stages questionnaire? Have ever done the MChat test? Did either of those show any concerns?

Hi @figandmaple16
I was wondering how your little boy is doing now? He sounds very similar to my little girl.

Hey, he is 3 and 9 months now. He is a bit better, but still has some very anti social moments, even with those he is comfortable with - he covers his face, gets angry, isolates himself etc.. he needs time to get used to a social setting. For example, we can go and visit my mum, he loves my mum.. he knows where we are going in the car etc, but when we enter my mum's house he sometimes won't go beyond the hall and sit on the stairs until he is ready.. I leave him to it as trying to help, soothe talk to him, ask if he wants a hug etc just makes him angrier. He doesn't like strangers at all.
But there are other times where we will visit my mum and he will be absolutely fine, or he will go out in the street to play with friends and he will say hello to neighbors by himself etc..
I don't worry about it so much now.. back then it was just a huge switch as he was Soo used to playgroup being part of his routine.
He still is very attached to me, but he is getting used to a bit of separation. He hates nursery, hates hates hates it (he's been going since he was 2 and a half), but once I am gone he usually has a good day and tells me all about it. His communication skills are excellent, he is advanced in a few areas such as numbers, spelling, reading.. so I have no concerns now - it's just part of his personality and I respect his space and need to adjust to / work himself up to be social.

Thanks for replying @figandmaple16
he sounds like a lovely little boy. How is he with other children? Does he prefer to be by himself or will he play with others?

@figandmaple16 you could be describing my own child with the separation anxiety, strong dislike of nursery, and the 'hiding away' from (often much-loved) people. We can literally get to the door of where we need to be, no issues, and suddenly he shuts down and needs a bit of time to warm up. Have nursery said anything to you about it? I have approached mine for a meeting but they can't identify how they need to support him with that issue and ultimately I have no idea where to turn. The nursery drop offs are absolutely crippling me though. Is your DS starting school sep25?

He plays well with other kids, again it depends on his social mood lol, but he gets on very well with other kids - what you'd expect for his age for sure but he really doesn't like kids who are a bit dirty lol, if he sees snot on their face or the child is too much in his personal space he absolutely hates it haha.
My older son was less into playing with other kids, he always preferred adult interaction but this is largely I think because he was used to being around adults more and so of course adults follow along with his play, whereas whenever he was playing with another child it would be his way or the highway lol which didn't always work out - even today he gets along best with quieter more compliant kids.. he's totally cool now though and he is a great friend to his friends. Its a personality thing with them, that's the way I see it.

Yes that sounds about right! He will be very aware of where we are going, sometimes even excited about it, then when we get there its a completely different story! Though, with nursery, he is NEVER up for it. Its a bit of a struggle, tears the night before and day of going to nursery. Its hard. But what I started to do was keep it consistent, every time I drop him, I give him big cuddles, I'm very positive about entering "oh good morning everyone" " oh look what the ladies have put out today" while he hides behind me or I am holding him.. then I ask him where he would like to say goodbye to me from - the security camera or wave at the window and that's how I manage to escape. He's only ever there for around 4 hours a day, 3 days a week, only on term time (which is harder as getting back into the swing after days off is harder). The staff know he is very attached to me, so they help him say goodbye whatever way he wants to (hold him up to the window to say goodbye) and then distract him. Sometimes he will get teary while there, but he's very good at communicating and tells the ladies that he misses me and sometimes says " I miss mama, so I am going to tell you all about her" etc. The staff at the nursery are Soo lovely and comforting for him, it did take a while to get there though with his dislike of new faces. But other than that, there isn't special support or meeting to be needed. Its just a part of his growing and personality to me, he is thriving otherwise and just has very secure attachment to me and his home (he's not super outdoorsy lol).
Anyway, my advice would be that you know your child best. I am hesitant on labeling behaviors because it's Soo complex and unless it is clearly an obvious disability (I have a brother who is severely disabled) then just go with the flow and don't be quick - kids go through phases, personality development etc. Having said that though, you know your child more than anyone and definitely go on intuition but definitely take it slowly.
Oh and no I won't start Him in school after the summer in 2025. He would only be 4 by then, and then 5 in October, but I always think it's best to start then when they're older, so I am going for Starting him when he is 5 going on 6 in 2026. The UK has the youngest primary school starting age than most of the world and I don't think they're ready emotionally for it so young.

@figandmaple16 thanks for coming back. You are literally describing my son's attitude to nursery there!! Uncanny! I am not sure my son does have any ND and certainly nobody else seems to think so - which is ultimately 'good' news but cuts both ways because by the same token there's no offer of help and the view is he will grow out of it. (It's been like this for a year so not sure!) it's been attributed to personality so sounds similar to your own circumstances. Kudos to you for delaying school, I agree it's a young age in the UK. (Though my older son settled very well and was very much 'school-ready', unless anything changes I don't think same will be said for DS2)