So tea time has just ended with me & DD (18mths) in tears. Wise words needed please...

[caspercat]

Just home from nursery, where she's eaten & slept beautifully. Offered her her tea, and she doesn't seem at all bothered by it. Fidgeting in chair, asking for toys etc. I vow NEVER to beg, cajole, etc to eat. She still needs help with fork, so i load it up for her, she took a few mouthfuls herself, also a couple with me feeding her, then starts to shove food away, saying no etc. So i put food in bin, offer her nothing else. She gets down from chair and had a complete tantrum over nothing apparently. I ignore her, but DH says she needs a cuddle, which i do, but by know i'm in tears cos it feels like she loves nursery, i miss her like mad, then she comes home & is miserable! What am i doing wrong? Please tell me i'm not alone, and that this stage passes (quickly??). Feel like i don't know what i'm doing with her at the moment.
Sorry for long post....

There's a lot of it about tonight - have you looked down active conversations? At least you aren't alone!

Don't think you are doing anything hugely wrong -she's probably just tired after nursery. You have to behave in a certain way in group situations - small children find it wearing (heck, I do!) and tend to let off steam when they get home.

Also, she's 18 months old, having tantrums is completely normal. Sorry!

she's manipulating you and/or she just isn't hungry at this time. Calm down. It is a stage and it does pass quite quickly. While you're waiting use ready meals - it isn't so hurtful when it's rejected.

(and being wound up by it is completely normal, too...)

Btw, don't like the 'manipulative' word, suggests a rather nasty, conniving attitude that I think is way beyond the emotional and mental range of an 18 month old. Very loaded word. Maybe she was just grumpy and tired - happens to us all. Or maybe she is exploring her world and what influence she has on it - which is entirely normal and reasonable and actually important for her development.

You are not alone! She's probably had lots to eat at nursery today and is not hungry plus is tired from a busy day. Go and have some fun with a warm bubbly bath and I am sure you will get some smiles back there!

She'll be totally different another day. Don't worry.

She's tired after a really busy day and she's still so little. I think most children find it hard to be cheerful and reasonable in the couple of hours before bed. That golden period from 5pm - 7pm is affectionately referred to as the Suicide Shift in our house..

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Agree she's tired.

Also found with ds at this age, that he had only one meal a day where he REALLY ate....if he had a good lunch, he didn't want a good dinner too. Some kids are just like that and don't eat similar amounts at different meals. So don't let the waving away dinner thing get under your skin, at all. If she's anything like my ds this will change as she gets older.

I think part of the problem is your understandable wish that all your time with her is lovely, as you miss her so much and so want to enjoy being with her...but don't put that pressure on yourself. I know it's hard as you just miss them so and want to make everything fantastic....but it can't be, at the end of the day when she's so tired!

Wow, what a lot of very quick replies, and lots of wise words as expected. It's true i take it to heart cos it's food i've lovingly prepared - she doesn't know that of course. I know what i could give her every night that she loves (tinned ravioli on toast ), but that's just giving in and feeding her crap!! Is it the right thing to do tho, as in just putting dinner in bin & giving no more?? Will she soon get the message that she eats what's offered or gets nothing? Seems harsh..

We call it that too lennygrrl, ds(3)is like that alot too!

I am at home with ds (sahm) who is only in nursery 3 mornings a week and he is difficult and stroppy from around 5 til 6 or 7 (if I am really unlucky) every night.

casper your dd is not like that because she loves nursery and dislikes home! She is like that because she is a toddler who has been busy all day long, she is back in her comfort zone (home with you) and she is stropping with you because she feels safe - in a weird way you should feel honoured . I know it is tough when they behave this way, but it is normal. My ds had terrible tantrums at around 18 mths, they peaked in frequency at around 2 and they are almost entirely gone now. It is just a stage that some toddlers go through - there are some great books for helping manage toddlerdom, so that you feel a bit more in control (of the situation, if not the behaviour)

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I remember that feeling of rejection as my loving cooking was spurned. My solution was to cook the same food for the whole family, to make sure somebody would be appreciative. If nothing else, at least dh could be relied on to make a perfect pig of himself, bless the man! Dh and I have always taken extra care to compliment each other on our cooking during these fusspot stages. Always safer not to have to rely on the social graces of a toddler for our self esteem

As others have said, it is a phase, she is tired from the nursery, children often go through a fussy stage anyway and come out of it with no harm done, and eventually you will start feeling less vulnerable about the time she spends away from you.