Argh! I've just showered Flamechick, complete with school uniform - HELP!

[Flamesparrow]

That was NOT the way to handle things.

I know that. You know that.

She keeps yelling "NO!" in our faces when we ask her to do things (picking up toys, stopping asking for crisps 5 mins before dinner etc). It ends with me losing my temper and screaming back at her.

NOT a harmonious house.

Time out tends not to have much effect. Pasta for good stuff is great, but it only seems to work with bad things if I take it away. Using it as bribery seems against the whole plan tbh.

I am >-< this close to hitting her.

I don't know what to do anymore.

She is nearly 5. She is old enough to know these things.

We have had a chat. i have said sorry and that the shower was wrong.

I have told her to tell me "I am feeling cross" and to sit and count to ten rather than yelling at me, and that I will do the same.

I am a very sad sparrow right now.

LL74 - thank you soooooooooo much Your comment means a lot.

My mum is always really supportive in situations like this - we think my sister is AS, and she says everything DD does is so much the same.

Flame that sounds like an absolutely BRILLIANT start

the reason I mentioned books or a course is that I personally find it helps to have specific strategies and tools in place to use when you feel yourself getting het up

rather than just this vague aim of "not losing it and being a good parent"

having specific things to remind yourself and dd of how you are going to try to deal with situations could really help

I'm going to start with the books (mainly because rl people terrify me, and the idea of being in a room of strangers makes me shake in a corner ) - hopefully it will help!

Well done, Flame.

I am going to a parenting course at the moment and it actually quite good.

We talk a lot about feelings and problems and how to deal with them.

The best advice so far has been to put yourself in your child's shoes.

Typical situation, DD does not want to brush her teeth.

KS: Brush your teeth... you know you have to brush your teeth... it is always the same, every night we have the same discussions and I am fed up with it... it is the same in the mornings trying to get you out of the house for kindergarten...

Now imagine that was your boss.

KSBoss: Have you done that memo yet... why not.. you know it has to be done today... it is always the same with you, you never do the memo when I ask you to... and you forgot to buy milk last week...

Since she said that, I have caught myself doing this so often, I don't even realise I am doing it.

I don't have any advice to add, but if you want to meet at half term let me know [hug].

BTW I posted on your protection thread.

KS - reminded me of this song - which I found reeeally funny but also thinking about going on at them all day like that.

Thanks Surfer

That song is funny because it is so true.

oh dear hun..........(god, I used the 'hun' word, I am bad)

hugs......

and for all those out there who don't know/understand/judging flame......

her DD is being referred for possible AS, and flame is driven to the end of her tether at times, and she really inspires me the way she handles her DD at times.

for her to do this, and admit it here, means she really is pushed....and TBH......flamechick will prbably have been safer in the shower.

more hugs

Flame, you know I never have anything useful to say, so I'll just add...
1.That little bath incident sounds like a perfect situation idf you ask me

1. I didnt notice anything less than great about your parenting, unless you were just on overly best behaviour
2. Ds1 is a right little git sometimes, you know that.All kids play up and are irrational.
3. I am a bad parent to him. You know that. I was so cross the other week that he ended up walking the length of a street in bare feet because he refused to put his socks and shoes on. Although saying you are no diffreent to me isnt necessarily a good thing

Oh DD & DS regularly walk with no shoes or socks for the same reason -they are just lucky that we have a car, so tis only down the path

If DS doesn't get out of the bath when told, I take out the plug regardless and start rinsing off the soapy water with the shower. If he then doesn't stand up to get out, the shower water turns cold. He's 7 and only realised a few weeks ago that it's me adjusting the temperature. All this time I thought I was teaching him consequences, he just thought the hot water was running out.
BTW I've put him in the bath in vest and pants before now. He thought it was funny. Took me about a week to stop him getting in in his clothes every night.

Lucky Lady That's a very good point you make about AS versus NT children. I often think my DS has SN because he is so bl*dy difficult, but then I look at families with real SN children and thank my lucky stars.
I estimate half of DS behaviour issues are my fault. The other half come from his father.

lol @ the confusion with your DS Chocolatepig

I don't think DD would have been so bothered had she been in normal clothes. She is very very very into school, and I think getting them wet was sacrilege to her