Seriously violent 2 yo - is there anything I am doing wrong?

[sweetkitty]

because my head is still hurting 20 minutes after she headbutted me

DD2 has just turned 2, she is not a cuddly girl but very physical and aggessive. If I sit on the sofa for any length of time she will be over jumping on me, hitting me, headbutting me, biting me, scratching me etc. I tell her NO firmly push her away gently, ignore her, she usually just bursts into tears at getting told off. I do the hitting makes Mummy really sad, cuddles makes Mummy happy routine. I have started putting her in the naughty corner now she is 2. She knows exactly why she is in the naughty corner.

Yesterday I told her off for doing something and she turned around and pushed DD1 to the ground so I put her in the naughty corner (not that she stayed how do you get them to stay) I then did the "why did Mummy put you in the naughty corner ?" She said "cos I pushed DD1" and hen she automatically said sorry to DD1 and cuddled her. Thats another thing she hits then cuddles and says sorry. She is very articulate and bright for her age. I try to get her out and doing things every day too.

I'm just fed up of getting beat up off my 2yo DD especially now I am pregnant I am constantly protecting my stomach as she would jump on it no end. I feel like all I do is say "no DD2 go away if you hit, no hitting etc etc I'm like a broken record" This si not a new things either she has always been violent since she learnt how.

It is different for me as my DS is autistic, but at 2 he was aggressive and non-verbal, so I had to come up with a non-verbal way of stopping the behaviour. What I did was use aversive therapy - ie every time he hit/headbutted/kicked or bit I took him straight upstairs and gave him a full bath and hairwash (he hates hairwash). At this age, you have a chance of changing their behaviour patterns and eventually he learnt that the aggressive behaviour always got a bad result and he started to change. He is now 5 and no longer aggressive, which is a mercy as they would not have let him into mainstream school otherwise, plus he is quite soon going to be taller than me (he's going to be 6 ft 5) and I wouldn't be able physically to control him. I wonder if there is anything similar you could do to retrain DD's behaviour, as you are going to need this like a hole in the head when baby born. I know it is different, but I think sometimes you have to take measures like this before behaviour gets too ingrained. Good luck with whatever you try Sweetkitty!

The naughty corner works but you have to keep returning them to the corner if they get out, a timer is good as they then know that you keep resetting it. She will learn that you won't back down and she will be away from toys and playing.

I think when you retrieve her from the naughty step you need to tell her why she is there rather than asking her. As she is 2 I would maybe try to say that although she says sorry that maybe DD1 won't want to play with her if she hurts her.

I have a 20month old ds2 and he jumps on me the minute I sit on the sofa or dare to sit on the floor as he sees me as a climbing frame, so I just constantly put him back on the floor and say no, I also turn my back on him to show him this isn't playing for me.

Maybe you could start really over-praising for good playing and stickers are a dream!!

Good luck, it's very hard, my ds1 was a dream in comparison, he actually listened when I said no whereas DS2 just keeps trying and trying thinking maybe I'll let him get away with it!! Not a chance, he gets his stubborness from me and I am even more stubborn

Thanks for the responses, I do tell her why she is in the naughty corner etc and say that she is hurting me or DD1 and it makes us sad. The thing is the little minx tells me I am naughty and to go to the naughty corner. It seems to be me it is mostly focused on so think it could be in part an attention thing (I kind of expect sisters to be fighting over toys etc at this age). She isn't as bad with DP and she plays away nicely at toddler groups. DP reckons I need to be more assertive with her the minute she starts bouncing on me tell her NO and put her down even if she does scream her head off.

I need to nip this in the bud as I know I will be confined to the sofa for large parts of the day BFing DB3 and I don't think DD2 is the cuddling up to me with stories and cbeebies type like DD1 was.