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Help, how to discipline a 22 month old and 5YO

3 replies

amassiveoverthinker · 22/03/2023 09:25

Hi, hope to get some advice.. I have a 5 year old with social communication disorder (waiting for further assessments). He has developmental delays such as speech and language and behavioural issues such as not understand what he is doing wrong, doesn't understand danger and can be aggressive.

The main issues we are still having is throwing toys, spitting out food, throwing food, jumping all over the sofas, hitting, and not stopping when asked too (laughing when told to stop). These are the things my 22MO is now copying and sometimes actually initiates.

My 22MO has no problem understanding instruction and is quite forward in his speech and language so it's a case of copying/egging each other on and both not listening when asked to stop.

When my 5YO initiates it and won't listen we put him in time out which he does sort of understand as they do that method in school, we can put him on the step in cooridoor to split them up and he will stay there (mostly). The problem is when my 22MO initiates it and my 5 year old laughs and makes it worse my 22MO takes it too extremes to impress his brother and literally won't stop. We then have to say to my 5YO "please stop laughing at your brother it makes him worse or you will have to go in timeout" ..(it's the only thing that sometimes works) But i feel bad having to do that as it feels like i am punishing my 5 year old for his brothers behaviour.

My 22MO doesn't really understand time out as yet, i can't put him out the room by himself and he doesn't stop when asked especially is his brother is still laughing..

Some days it's so bad and it's from 6am all day so i am finding myself losing my patients more and more and raising my voice more and more, which is upsetting me terribly as feel like i am failing.

Things we have tired is removing the toys once they start throwing, taking food/snacks away once spitting or throwing. putting 5YO in timeout when he is laughing. Distraction, reasoning, spitting them up.. Nothing seems to work as they do it all again 5 mins later.

I just wanted to know if i am wrong from putting 5YO in time out when laughing at his brother ?? Is this normal between siblings?? when do they grow out of it??

On a positive note they both are fantastic loving funny little boys, extremely affectionate, can be lovely to each other, play nicely and we do have good days. It's just when it's bad it's bad, what do i do when we have these days especially when my husband is at work and i am on my own so i stop losing my cool.

Any advice most appreciate
Thank you x

OP posts:
Beansandneedles · 23/03/2023 17:41

I'm so sorry this sounds super tough. Something which has worked with us has been praising/noticing when the behaviour doesn't happen. I.e. 'you're not winding your sister up, it's much easier to calm her down now'. Or 'you're not whinging, it's so lovely to listen to you when you speak in a normal voice'

May be worth trying that? Has no effect on the toddler though to be fair. I'm hoping she's just a bit young yet.

Beansandneedles · 23/03/2023 18:09

Would also add the following phrases have really helped on bad days here

'I can feel myself getting aggravated. I don't want to shout but I think if I have to ask again I will. What can we do so mummy doesn't shout'...or words to that effect

'I'm going to the kitchen for 2 minutes to calm myself down'

I have an almost 2 year old and a 4 year old. Sometimes I leave them in the lounge and I go in the kitchen and play a song on LOUD, or put my husbands work headphones on just for some peace. It is traumatising when everyone is pushing your buttons from dawn till dusk, you have nowhere to turn to when you're overwhelmed and then your reward is mum guilt 🤦🏼‍♀️ Try to give yourself timeout and space whenever you can get it. 5 minute mum is a great book for some ideas to keep them busy whilst you escape!

amassiveoverthinker · 24/03/2023 10:27

Thank you, your so right .. I sometimes say "it makes mummy very sad when you hit her or throw things at mummy"

They both are very good at apologising My eldest will say sorry mummy and my youngest will say "aww mummy" and give me a kiss but then they will do it again 5 seconds later. .

Just rejoined the gym and will be taking full advantage of the steam and sauna to de stress as much as i can ..

Spoke to my 5 year olds teacher yesterday parents evening and she said it's completely acceptable to after warning to put my eldest in time out for continuing to egg his brother on a laughing when trying to discipline my youngest. So that really helped with the mum guilt.
xxx

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