My 2 boys ALWAYS fight

[Mumtoboys1]

I have 2 boys aged 6 and 8. They never actually talk to each other about anything remotely important ( even important for their age) all everyday seems to be filled with is them annoying each other (and me). One will do/say one thing that seems to annoy the other one and then there will be constant back and forth. Both of them react to each and every thing the other one does. To the point where I will have to separate them. It doesn't matter if they are on there own while I am busy or we are doing stuff together with me trying to calmly keep them being civil for as long as possible. It is draining and exhausting. Has anyone experienced similar or have any advice?

I just don't understand why they don't want to actually talk to each other! My eldest is completely different when not around his brother. He is very eager to learn and constantly asking questions and wants to have a laugh and a good time. Where as my youngest is always still quite 'silly' regardless of who he is round. But when they are together it is just a nightmare! I am exhausted from it and haven't a clue what to do.

My 3 boys were like this too. It was very annoying and exhausting. No real advice as I don’t think I fixed it (but it has improved as they’ve got older - mid teens now) - but I remember watching a super nanny type program back when I was struggling with it and the “expert” nanny basically said ignore as much as you can and only step in if there is the risk they are actually going to kill each other.

Her reasoning was that it was all social practice, and therefore really really try and ignore. I remember her forcing some mum to stay listening outside the door and not rushing in at the point she usually would.

If I remember correctly, I did try this and noticed that actually at the point I would usually step in, if I stayed out the room and listened, it turned out that often it didn’t escalate as much as I thought it would. As I say, I don’t think it fixed it, but possibly stopped me driving myself mad when it was really bad by allowing me an excuse that was actually good parenting to hide in another room!

Ah thank you so much for your reply. That's kind of a relief as that's what I've been doing recently. It's just so frustrating and makes me not want to go out and do anything as a family cause all they do is argue. I'm glad things got better for you hopefully same will happen here!