Hi
Im a full time working mum. My OH is away a fair bit with work, and due to leave for 4 months (he works on ships), returning every 4-6 weeks for a few days.
we have a nanny to help with my 2 dd and take them to nursery and school when im working and bring them home for activities/out to activities and help with homework with my 6 year old This last year, due to unfortunate circumstances with our amazing nanny getting sick, we had a few temporary nannies, and our already very spirited children who get particularly silly together and do really rude things like throw food at nannies and totally ignore them, got increasingly worse. A bad bout of Covid later, and one work trip for me, and i find myself endlessly scrolling on Mumsnet forums looking for ideas on how to get my children back on track.
im reading parenting books on my commute, building calm areas in the house for my 6 year old (the worse of the two) to calm down in, trying so hard. Last term we finally got a nanny full time, but the problem is she is very sweet but has zero control. when they are rude, she still gives them tv time (they are allowed 30 minutes at the end of the day), or their treat after school etc or dessert after tea, and initially she said she just wanted them to like her before disciplining them, but now it seems she is almost afraid to tell them NO.
I promise I am not unable to see fault in my children: i appreciate they are the difficult component here, but I am desperate to work out what to do.
My daughter who is 6, has since the end of last school year been getting increasingly worse when i was told by another mother that my daughter had hit her daughter a few times, i spoke firmly to my daughter, confiscated her bike for a few weeks, made her write a sorry card and thought that was it. then today, i was told that at an after school club my nanny had told her she couldnt ride her bike in the class, and so my daughter hit and scratched my nanny (im so embarrassed about this as it would have been in front of everyone) but my nanny still let her go to her class (i think she should have marched her home). then after the lesson the teacher took my nanny aside and said my daughter had been hitting and pushing the other children.
When they got home, my nanny said things got worse, and they were throwing food together on the floor (my 4 year old and 6 year old). but still, they were watching tv when i got in which i dont think was right- surely if they mis behave, they shouldnt get a "reward"?.
Im SO lost and dont know what to do. I know that an option would be to stop working, but I also work for financial reasons and also to set an example to my daughter (personal choice, no judgment). Although I can see, what is the point when she is learning these traits?
what would you do?
I do appreciate our nanny is very weak and isn't working out very well - would you change nanny? I dont blame her by any stretch - its my children that are so difficult - but what should I do here? I wish I had family around but there is no one. I talk to my daughter but she just says she listens, writes me lovely notes telling me she loves me so much and then does it again.
any advice (PLEASE no judgment - I'm beating myself enough!) would be welcome!!! thanks