DS 3 year old perfectionist - is this normal?

[Bluebutterfly]

Ds is very reluctant to engage in activities that he cannot perform really well - ie. if I suggest that we draw pictures together he gets very frustrated if his picture does not resemble what he wants it to look like (to the point of practically having a tantrum) despite me trying to be encouraging and telling him that we are drawing for fun!

Another example is that he has a toy that has a memory game on it that involves memorising sequences - he is very good at it for the most part, but when he makes a mistake he gets so frustrated (starts screaming at it and crying uncontrollably) that in the end I have had to take the toy away from him.

I want him to be happy to try new things and "have a go" at things that challenge him without getting so upset! He is quite bright in many ways - can do quite complicated puzzles etc and passed a lot of "milestones" earlier than average, but I find that when he encounters something he can't do well he is overwhelmed and furious. What should I do? Is this normal?

Bluebutterfly - my DS1 (age 4.6) was exactly like this at 3 and is only just starting to come out of it. He has just started school and I think he feels more comfortable about having a go at a variety of different things but he is still very self conscious.

His first response is always to say 'I can't do it' because i know he's worried about doing it wrong.

He loves songs but will not throw himself into singing unless he knows all the words first! (unlike 2yo DS2 who just shouts out made up words ).

I would just let him lead the way in what he wants to do, I found that if I initiated activities it felt like pressure for him. He will be happy to try new things, but at his own pace.

maybe play along side him and make some mistakes and just go oh well never mind try again then do it again and maybe start laughing if you make a mistake again and say its ok not to get it right

some children are naturally perfectionists i think

my friends dd was very much l;ike this you just need him to watch you and see that its ok

have no other information i'm afraid does he watch anyone else needing to do things right and then getting annoyed my dp is perfectionist luckily ds isnt

i think he just needs to know it sok and only way is to see you do it maybe

i think meemar is right you have to gauge their willingness to undertake something difficult
my 1 starts to act silly when he can't do something instantly and this is a trait i'm sure he has inherieted from me but if i wait and let him get over the fact he's not perfect he goes for it

My older son, 12, has always been like this and it is hard for him to find the courage to take up new activities because he always feels he must excel from the start. I don't think I will ever change him. I just try to work on his general self-confidence so that he can withstand the bad feelings a bit better.

DS2 is utterly different. He will try anything, in a relaxed frame of mind, not minding how bad he might be. Perhaps something to do with being younger, and therefore used to coming second.

It is a personality thing-my eldest DS was like it and he was about 14 before he was more relaxed about making mistakes! I am not a perfectionist so I am not sure why he was like it. My younger 2 DSs are completely different.He wouldn't draw before he went to school. His first drawing aged about 5 was of his slide and climbing frame and was correct in all its detail!
It caused him a lot of problems at school, he was almost banned from doing spelling tests when he was 7 because he couldn't take getting any wrong!
He was told over and over again that mistakes are useful because you learn by them. He was in the lower of 2 maths groups at primary school because he got in a state about new things and mistakes-despite coming 3rd in the class in a test! It was very frustrating because the Head took out the high flyers for extra maths and he should have been there. He started secondary school in the 3rd set, they quickly put him up to the second and asked if they could keep him there, for personality reasons,when he was top of it. They finally had to put him in the top set when he was outperforming a lot of them. He got an A at A'level!
He got a lot better after 11 when he realised he was quite good and had largely grown out of it by 14 although it still creeps in on odd occasions!
I think you will have to live with it, just work with his self confidence and let him see that making mistakes is a useful learning process.