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Help! 3.5 year olds behaviour is out of control

5 replies

Nosleepclub13 · 26/02/2023 22:35

Before I start, I'm sure some people are going to have something negative to say. Please don't. If you can't be positive/helpful please don't comment because I feel like a shit mum without you telling me I am. I already know this.

My son is 3.5 and he's always been hard work but over the last few months his behaviour has really declined. For context we have another child who is two.

His sleep is probably the main issue. He goes to bed at 7 and sometimes it'll take a good hour to get him to sleep. We have to sit in with him until he's asleep otherwise he just screams and screams.

Once he's asleep, he doesn't stay asleep. We have the odd night where he'll sleep through until maybe 5am but that's very rare. Most nights, like tonight, he's up at 9 screaming and shouting. When I go in to him, he'll make up every excuse he can think of as to why he's screaming and shouting.

We will have this multiple times a night.

Were absolutely exhausted. My marriage isn't great because of this and were both so tired. I'm a SAHM and my husband works full time.

Because he doesn't sleep, his behaviour throughout the day is just awful. He doesn't listen to me, we have tantrums over absolutely everything and he'll complain all day that he's tired. And repeat every day. For months.

I don't know what to do or what I'm looking for really. He's got a groclock that he understands and ignores, we've tried a weighted blanket, reward charts, being firm, trying to be understanding, white noise, a light, no light, nothing is working and I'm at the end of my tether. Our daughter has the odd bad nights sleep but on the whole is a lovely little girl and sleeps really well I just don't know what to do about my son.

Someone tell me this is a normal phase and he'll come out the other end because I don't know how many more nights like this I can stand 😭

OP posts:
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PritiPatelsMaker · 27/02/2023 07:54

You are not a shit Mum and none of this is your fault.

Is he getting plenty of exercise and one to one time in the day? I've always said that boys are like labradors, plenty of exercise, firm boundaries and plenty of cuddles and they should be ok. I know my DS needed a lot of outside time at that age.

If it's normal sleep problems then this book might help.

But did you know that this could be a sign of ASD? Has anyone mentioned the possibility? Does he go to childcare? How is he there? How is his speech and understanding?

I would talk to you HV if I were you. She may run a sleep clinic, mine used to when we were having sleep problems with DS but ours turned out to be medical.

I'd also do this SLT progress checker before seeing the HV. It will tell you if he's on track for speech and language or if he needs some support and I'd ask your HV to do the Ages & Stages for his age.

Good luck, sleep deprivation it bloody awful isn't it?

Nosleepclub13 · 27/02/2023 08:07

I suspect he has ADHD yes but I've mentioned this to the HV and they don't assess him until he's older. He has a number of other traits foo, not just the sleep issue.

He does not stop all day, he's always on the go. We do something every day and never spend the whole day in the house. I'm definitely not giving him as much one to one time as I should probably do because I'm so exhausted I'm just about getting through the day which makes me really sad for both of my kids 😭

Yes he goes to pre school and I've mentioned it to them and they're shocked, he's an angel there. Which obviously is good but he clearly can behave properly etc so it's just so upsetting that he can't for me.

Speech and understanding absolutely where they should be.

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 27/02/2023 08:18

Ok so if he had other traits and the HV isn't listening, I'd go to the GP and ask for a referral for assessment.

PritiPatelsMaker · 27/02/2023 18:28

Sorry @Nosleepclub13 my last message was a bit short and maybe blunt.

I hope you get the support you need Flowers

Twiglet2353 · 27/02/2023 19:29

Could have written this myself regarding my 3.5yo son. Literally to the letter. Preschool also have no concerns, and HV says what yours does.

If he doesn't nap he falls asleep by 6.45-7, numerous overnight wake ups, starts the day at 5am. If he naps in the car or on the sofa some afternoons then sometimes he won't sleep until 9pm, still wakes up, and still gets up early.

He's aggressive during tantrums, and everything is "I don't like you/this/that" at the minute.

I'm exhausted, and also have a baby that isn't sleeping either.

Sending strength in solidarity

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