Are obsessional routines normal in a 2.5 year old

[wrapmefestively]

Just lately dd has become quite inflexible, rigid and dogmatic about certain things and I am wondering if it is normal.

For instance, she has to walk down the stairs first instead of me. If I try to go first she throws a dicky fit.

Another for instance (also, by coincidence involving stairs) - she fell down 3 steps of the staircase the other day. She wasn't hurt but she insisted on going back up and redoing the steps properly.

When it comes to putting her shoes on to go out, she has to sit in the same spot to put them on. I made the mistake the other day of attempting to get her shoes on whilst she was sat at the kitchen table, and she went ballistic, but calmed down immediately as soon as we went to the usual place for putting her shoes on (hallway)

Is this preoccupation with obsessional routine normal? It seems a bit odd to me.....

Bump

I really don't know - I think I would put it down to 2.5yr olds being difficult little buggers - my son is 2.5yrs old and is very specific about how things should be done - although not necessarily about where they should be done or in what order - basically says no to pretty much everything at the moment. But same with you and the stairs - will go back and re-do if not done right and gets cross with me if I try and help him with anything. Maybe someone else with more experience will reply to this to put your mind at rest - I think don't worry unduly, keep an eye on it and mention it to a health visitor if you are still worried in the new year...?

Do you have any other concerns with her general development????

Yes Bigbananaflambe, perhaps it is just that toddlers are awkward little so and so's !

Blossomgoodwill, not really any other concerns about her development. However she is a bit shaky about being left at Day Nursery at the moment (she goes three days a week), and perhaps I am reading too much into this but I am wondering if she is unhappy, and therefore trying to take control in some small areas of her life ....(perhaps too much amateur pop psychology)

Mine goes to nursery 3 days a week too and sobs every time I leave him - he's absolutely fine after about 2 minutes and has a great day thereafter, but it's hellish leaving him - I think it's manipulation and habit personally!

wrapme

I have an autistic 5 year old and an NT 2 year old (3 next month). DS2 loves his routines - and is quite insistent about certain ones - he'll throw a paddy if some aren't followed. DS1 however has a whole series of elaborate routines- which if broken cause trauma- real genuine distress. Whereas ds2's paddies can be ignored, ds1's meltdowns can't (mainly because he'll damage himself). At times we have to break some of ds1's routines (as they've become a problem) and doing that produces a lot of screaming, headbanging, flinging himself around the place. DS2's are just a normal toddler tantrum, if I walk away he won't damage himself (whereas ds1 would).

So having routines can certainly in my experience be a completely normal part of being a toddler (ds2 isn't remotely autistic) but like most things autistic its the intensity that is different.

Unless being rigid came as part of a package of other problems it isn't something I'd worry about at all.

wrapme - this sounds so familiar, especially who goes down the stairs first.
I remember getting a bit spooked when he arranged 12 little toy men so that they were all in a line facing the same way. Subsequently found out this is quite normal and healthy as long as not repeated over and over again - maybe just his way of bringing order into a day he doesn't have much control over.
My ds1 is 3 and 3 months and is perhaps getting a little better over the routines - sometimes forgets and lets me go downstairs first!

Jimjambells and jamiesam - thanks,you've put my mind at rest

My DS became very routine oriented at about that age and still is. Has to pull the plug out himself after his morning wash. Has to squeeze the toothpaste tube himself. At bedtime has to turn the light off himself. Also has the stairs thing at breakfast time.

DS is 3.10 and still fairly heavily into the routine. It can be quite trying because its a real effort to get him to change his routine if necessary but once he's changed its great and he's really reliable. An example of this is leaving his nappy off at nighttime. Took lots of persuasion not to wear one. But now he's great and really reliable at going on the potty if he needs to.

wrapme, I wouldn't be concerned at all. DD2 is five and insists that she uses the upstairs toilet, and that I accompany her. Won't use the downstairs one AT ALL. Blames it on the smelly dogs, but I don't believe her

Oh gosh - totally normal! Ds was (and is) totally like this. You play catch ONE time and ever after he has to stand on the same spot and you have to stand on the same spot. Eat with same spoon, sit on same chair etc. Bananas must be peeled, have strings stripped and the bottom end broken off. It must never be sliced. Watch the same video (2 hours long) over and over again and you may NEVER EVER interrupt and leave it halfway. If I accidentally open the door that he routinely opens we have to go all the way back up to his bedroom and start the exit-the-house routine again. Shoes must be put on on the top step, not on the bottom step and NEVER in the kitchen. Polo shirts must be buttoned all the way to the top. Toast must be cut a certain way. Fish cakes must be oval not round. Milk must be presented ONLY in a blue or yellow cup, never the green one. You cannot go out without a hat even if it's overcast and 12C, although you CAN replace the hat with an umbrella if it's raining. I may NOT flush the toilet for him, and if I do it's a disaster because now his bladder is empty and we can't start again. I could go on and on...

Come to think of it, although these things plagued us from about 1.5-3.5 years, the last 12 months have been much more relaxed. Some of these things have died a natural death, and the others are less rigid then before. Rest easy.

Re lining thing up. Autistic ds1 hasn't ever lined anything up in his life. DS2 lines up everything- once he started talking became apparent he was making trains. With autism its the absence of any play (or the absence of a wide play repertoire) that's more of a problem then what they actually do as part of their play iyswim.

wrap me, my dd is 3.5 but i recall how she would want to do things how they should be done, eg if she wanted to get out of the car and I got her out she would get back in and get out herself! sounds a bit like yr dd with the stairs.
She doesn't do it now, altho she still does insist on not needing any help when she plainly does (eg to carry a large pile of things from one room to another) "I can do it myself mummy!"
I think jamiesam is right that it's about taking coontrol of something.

Bloss your post really made me laugh, my ds is 2.8 and your post is so familiar - especially the bit about flushing the loo. I made the mistake of flushing it for him this morning and mayhem ensued! He has a BIG thing about broken biscuits or chocolate bars has an absolute fit if you give him a broken one.

Thanks all - relieved to see that this is common place and that dd is quite 'normal' / typical of small children

glad to read it is normal. my ds 3 has this thing with our gate and it drives me nuts. We have to ask him nicely and say 'please' to be let in, then we have to say 'thank you X' and then give him a kiss! It drives me nutty, even my neighbour noticed he did it but only because her grandson does the same!