Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

5yo aggressive behaviour- help!

4 replies

NatalieH2220 · 18/02/2023 12:20

My 5yo is turning 6 in a couple of weeks. The last month he has had some very aggressive outbursts. Usually stemming from if he doesn't get his own way about something. He is very irritable and loses his patience quickly and has been very disrespectful, including hitting on occasion.

We had a similar stage around 3 but has been a long time since then and I'm genuinely concerned at how angry he seems sometimes.

I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like it a cry for help in some way but I don't know how to help.

If I don't punish for his behaviour is he going to think it's acceptable and it gets worse? I've tried talking to him once he is calm but he just says he doesn't know.

What punishments are ok for this age? I don't want to be overly harsh or soft. Taking toys away doesn't seem to have any impact. More recently I've been telling him to go to his room until he ready to apologise. Problem is it then happens again a day or two later so doesn't seem very effective.

I'm also worried about his younger brother copying this like he does everything else and then I end up with a double problem.

If you've been in a similar situation, how did you deal with it?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
pleasemindyourmanners · 18/02/2023 23:40

He is still very young and possibly frustrated at not being able to properly communicate what is making him act in this way.
All forms of behaviour are a form of communication.
Have you school/nursery mentioned anything? Is he aggressive just with parents or is it with more family or other children too?
I'm an infant teacher. Usually setting firm boundaries but defusing things with a calm voice gets there in the end. It isn't always an instant fix and no point in discussing the aggression whilst he is still worked up. Let him calm down and then have a chat and try to find out what is going on in his head. He might not be able to put it into words. You might have to be a bit of a detective to work it out but you will hopefully get there.
Can you spot anything that triggers the behaviours? Are there certain situations where you just know he is going to struggle?
Good luck. It isn't easy but it sounds like you have been through similar in the past. Hopefully, you can ride this storm too.

Original poster
NatalieH2220 · 24/02/2023 20:54

pleasemindyourmanners · 18/02/2023 23:40

He is still very young and possibly frustrated at not being able to properly communicate what is making him act in this way.
All forms of behaviour are a form of communication.
Have you school/nursery mentioned anything? Is he aggressive just with parents or is it with more family or other children too?
I'm an infant teacher. Usually setting firm boundaries but defusing things with a calm voice gets there in the end. It isn't always an instant fix and no point in discussing the aggression whilst he is still worked up. Let him calm down and then have a chat and try to find out what is going on in his head. He might not be able to put it into words. You might have to be a bit of a detective to work it out but you will hopefully get there.
Can you spot anything that triggers the behaviours? Are there certain situations where you just know he is going to struggle?
Good luck. It isn't easy but it sounds like you have been through similar in the past. Hopefully, you can ride this storm too.

Thank you for replying.

He has said he can't control it so I really don't think he means it but he's just so agitated and impatient and goes from 0-60 so quickly.

How do I help him not have a meltdown when he doesn't get his own way?

Nothing mentioned at school so I think it's just home where he's most comfortable.

Triggers it's just doing something he doesn't want to, going up to bed, shoes on for school, brush teeth before story. I try to get the 'jobs' out the way first then he can do the more fun things. Tiredness definitely doesn't help.

OP posts:
botheritsgone · 25/02/2023 12:07

I've name changed but I'm the person that responded before.
I think just keep on explaining that there are somethings people have to do beforehand. Maybe a visual timetable/checklist of things that need to be done so that he is prewarned. I know of a family that I taught that had in their bathroom a list with brush teeth, bath, brush hair, pjs and story as bedtime was a trigger. By the backdoor there was a checklist about things they needed for school and a timetable in the kitchen with what was happening that day. It did help. Maybe even talking through that you will always try to let them know about certain things but sometimes plans have to change but as much as you can you will try to let him know in advance.
Oh and pick your battles sometimes things are just not worth getting worked up about. You will know yourself. Don't just keep on at him if actually in the long run something isn't going to matter too much.

user1478639495 · 09/03/2023 12:38

I am going through this exact same thing with my 5 yr old he's so angry like you said goes from 0-60 can't seem to control it. I ask him what's wrong is there anything bothering him etc etc when he's calm and he always says he doesn't know.

Nothing is working for me either, I've tried calm talking, have raised my voice a few times as it's been really and behavior and tried taking things away like tv, toys soft play etc. whatever I try nothing is working.

Have you tried what the proviso us posted suggested? Did it help? Any other tips you've picked up pls pass on to me I'm at my wits end

New posts on this thread. Refresh page