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Behaviour/development

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Nearly 4 year old follows me everywhere

4 replies

Lolacat1234 · 17/02/2023 14:22

Please help me as I am close to the end of my tether with this!!!!

My DD is 4 in a couple of months and is displaying severe separation anxiety around the house. She can't go anywhere or be anywhere on her own, not even say playing in the lounge when I'm out in the kitchen cooking dinner, she will literally stand next to me and trip me over, it's really distressing as she could be playing so nicely and I'll get up to answer the door or go and put a cup in the sink and she panics, it ruins so many days. When I announce where I am going and make sure I'm still talking to her the whole time and saying I'm just doing this I'll be just a moment it seems to make it worse! It's to the point where she can't eat her lunch in our kitchen diner and have me in the utility room folding washing where she can still see and hear me, she will stop eating her lunch and just stand next to me until I'm finished what I'm doing and then demands I sit next to her while she eats her lunch. When we're on the sofa she can't just sit next to me she has to be on top of me. We have never done anything in her life where she would feel abandoned or anything I can think of where this behaviour has stemmed from. We are always quite gentle parents and have responded up until now very supportively, even now I still try but I am feeling extremely frustrated and suffocated. She has no separation anxiety with going to others houses, going to nursery or any other situation, it's at its worst when it's just me and her in the house. I'm at the end of my tolerance today after 2 days confined to the house with illness.

Please be kind I'm usually a good mum but I'm feeling very tearful and frustrated by this today. I know it's a phase and this too shall pass (been about a month so far). None of my friends can relate, they all have kids that play nicely while they potter about the house doing chores. My daughter has always been very adult led and focuses on engaging adults in play for example when she's playing dolls I have to be the teacher etc. I indulge her with this sometimes but I want to try and encourage her to make up her own games, this seems to be an extension of this intense behaviour and I just need to find some strategies to stop the separation anxiety and encourage her to play independently. Sorry that turned into a bit of a ramble!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lolacat1234 · 18/02/2023 09:16

Hopeful bump....

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scrabbledabbl · 08/03/2023 20:50

THIS was exactly my daughter at that age and I completely understand it drove me completely bonkers and the only way I coped was being out the house pretty much all day. It will get better I promise you. She is now 5.5 and started to become more independent I mean she still very much likes company and people around hates being on her own but she is not that little demon she used to be!!

SuperSleepyBaby · 09/03/2023 22:43

My daughter did this during lockdown - while i was working from home 😫. It drove me demented. Every time i needed to go out of the room i had to tell her so she could come with me- if i didn’t tell her she’d panic and start crying and shouting for me.

She is 6 now and much less clingy!

Lolacat1234 · 12/03/2023 07:59

Thank you both for your replies. The initial lack of relies made me feel even more alone with it so it's really nice to hear I'm not the only one. And even better to hear your girls grew out of it eventually - she's still doing it, but it has got slightly better so I'm crossing my fingers she just keeps getting slightly better until it's not a thing anymore.x

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