Navigating play dates

[MiraVem]

Hello,
just looking to hear from anyone else who finds this hard.
find myself worrying a lot sometimes about whether my 7 year old is liked / has enough friends etc.
he had a couple of good friends last year. This year has been trickier as a new boy started who’s had some behavioural issues and him and my son have made friends. The issue being my son doesn’t always behave well around him and they get in trouble sometimes. And the old friends in their class give them a wide berth sometimes due to how they behave (nothing terrible - just a bit physical sometimes and not always overly kind. I think it has improved and the mum told me this friend is autistic)
I tried to arrange a play date with one of the old friends and the mum responded ‘sorry, he’s finding (my son and new boy) difficult at the moment and doesn’t want a play date’). I found this upsetting but wondering how others would feel about this?
I know in reality our kids friendships change a lot and we can’t control it but it seems like lots of kids in his class have stable friendships, regular play dates etc

but after that mums response I have completely lost my confidence. Is my son just not likes by other parents / children now, can it really have changed that much? Does this happen with friendships with other kids? If I don’t arrange play dates will I damage him socially?
I don’t know how to move past it as I now just find it too hard

but … I make a point of going to the park after school so he can socialise, he does judo and has a friend there, and he attends after school club so opportunities for unstructured play

but I feel so worried about inviting people to the house in case I get another reaction like that mums.

thanks for reading this far and would be good to know

• do other people find this hard to navigate (if not then fine; but I’m more interested in knowing I’m not alone!)
• how necessary are play dates really and will I affect my child badly if I don’t have them?

If he’s doing after school stuff and socialising then I don’t think it’s damaging. It would be damaging if he never did any after school stuff or saw peers outside of school at any time. Have you thought about Beavers so he can go on to cubs then scouts? That’s a great way for them to gel with others without the classroom issues.

it is heartbreaking as a parent though. We did invite friends for play dates, and DS did actually have a couple of children come on separate occasions, but it was only for a short period and he only ever got invited on, iirc, 2 play dates of his own. It was a relief when he got to high school and I didn’t have to stand in the playground and see other kids going home with their friends. He’s a perfectly well rounded teen so not having play dates doesn’t seem to be an issue and he’s found his own friends in high school, most of which he wasn’t in primary school with. Try not to worry, they are all still finding their way and they change a lot in their likes & dislikes. It will all work out.

That’s lovely to hear, thanks!