DS misbehaviours only in nursery

[bunnieboo91]

Hello, I am at a loss on what I can do with my DS who's 3.5 years old.

Background: DS has been going to nursery for over two years and is used to being around other children. He is an only child at the moment and we are expecting our second but he doesn't seem to care and we rarely discuss the baby around him. He started a new nursery on 9th January to be exact and is full time and has always been full time. This nursery is a little bigger than the old one and most of the time there's two staff between sixteen children....to me personally that a lot of children for only two member of staff.

Currently: We have been contacted by the manager multiple times who says DS behaviour is not good. He throws toys at other children, snatches other toys. Pushes other children and doesn't seem to listen. DS has hits members of staff if they take him away from a situation with another child.

DS ideally likes to have a nap in the afternoon but goes to school but doesn't always have a nap because of the timing etc. I thought initially this was the problem (the lack of sleep) but he seems to misbehave in the mornings as well.

So.....has anyone else experienced this and what can people suggest to stop my anxiety of getting calls from nursery. I have no clue what to do.

What was his behaviour like in the old Nursery @bunnieboo91?

He had his moments but it was mix bag in the other nursery. He had amazing weeks and some weeks he didn't. But in this bigger nursery it's mostly everyday

Sounds like he's having trouble adjusting to the new Nursery and there is usually a bit of poor behaviour when a baby is due and then a bit of regression when they arrive.

What did the lady Nursery say about his bad weeks? Did they ever suggest anything?

I would want to know they had a plan rather than just phoning me!
and yes that does sound like a bad ratio of adult to children, by law I think it should be less than that.
when my son misbehaved at nursery I would get told at pick up and usually would get asked how we manage at home so they can try the same there. I never minded that but I would mind being called in the day when I’m not there and can do nothing about it.

what is the ofsted report like? Can you ask to see their behaviour policy?
‘there is no such thing as bad behaviour, only communication’ (which doesn’t mean no consequences, but are they attempting to prevent triggers / find the cause?)
if it doesn’t improve I’d consider moving nursery personally

Hey Mira,

Well in the last 24 hours we received an email at 6pm in the evening telling us our son can no longer attend the nursery........gobsmacked! We've had no meeting to discuss issues or what they have done to support DS, no accident forms, no warnings......nothing. Straight up exclusion. Refusing to acknowledge they let us down us being two full time working parents. In their contract it mentions they're meant to have meetings with us and local authority before considering to exclude a child.

Our theory is that they're so understaffed with inexperienced key workers they chose to get rid of DS to protect losing more staff.

Such a shame and made me feel like a terrible parent (when at home and school placement he's doesn't have these issues) so we are in a mess right now trying to find alternative childcare.

I'm so sorry @bunnieboo91 that is pretty awful of the Nursery. Us going back to his old Nursery an option?

Hey Priti,

We only ever went to this nursery so DS would be able to attend school. The old nursery didn't accommodate this unfortunately.

Will have to see what our options are

Does he have to go to that Nursery to attend the school? Is it one of their selection criteria?

Once you've had a little while to get over the shock of the email, I think it's worth getting in touch with your HV and telling her about his behaviour and the exclusion and asking her to have a look at him using the ASQ for 42 months.

Do you think that his language and understanding could be affecting his behaviour? How does he do in SLT progress checker?

Hi,

Firstly, I am so shocked at how you and your DC have been treated at this nursery! It can’t be the first time they’ve had a child who struggles socially/emotionally.

I just thought I’d share my experience. My 4 year old DS struggled with similar behaviour when he first began nursery. It was so difficult and very hard not to take it very personally. However, the staff were fantastic and he’s had a plan for the past year with achievable targets which are regularly reviewed and changed to take steps forward. He still has his moments but it has completely transformed his experience of nursery. Maybe either speak to the staff about this or find a nursery who understand and care about young children?

Update!

Just wanted to share with everyone what has happened since then.

They got the council involved which I was totally on board with! The council politely directed them in a more professional manner on how to deal with a child that needed more stimulation. The council lady gave them advice on what to do, eg don't say the word no, distract them if they see signs of anger, ignore bad behaviour and since then it's been great! Myself and the manager are on good terms but I will never forget how she handled the situation.

If it was up to me I would move DS but he needs consistency.

Thanks everyone for your help x