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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DSS has v poor social skills - what can be done to help?

16 replies

moominsmummy · 08/02/2008 12:14

My step son who is 12 has been bullied alot recently and although this is being tackled the school has said that he does really have many friends and doesn't seem to know how to make friends.

He's a happy enough lad but he is totally socially unaware - he is very immature for his age and just doesn't pick up on other people's reactions to his behaviour - unfortunately his mother is crap (IMO) and I'm sure the fact that he has never had friends over for tea/sleepovers doesn't help -

are there are schemes for helping with social skills - what on earth can we do for the few hectic hours we see him each week?

OP posts:

frazzledbutcalm · 08/02/2008 14:07

May be reading far too much into this but does he have any other 'funny' traits. Strict routines he must keep, co-ordination (riding bike etc), how's his school work?

Marne · 08/02/2008 14:08

Frzzle- are you thinking Aspergers?

frazzledbutcalm · 08/02/2008 14:13

Yep

frazzledbutcalm · 08/02/2008 14:14

But that's not necessairly so. It could just be huge confidence issue.

Marne · 08/02/2008 14:17

Dd has to be assesed for aspergery so i have been reading up on it, there are many traits and one of them is having trouble with social skills. Dd has other traits including the need for routine and being good at maths (numbers). 1 in 200 children have aspergers.

frazzledbutcalm · 08/02/2008 14:19

A friend of mine has it so i also know little bit about it. Thought dd2 may have it but she rides a bike no prob, writes words no prob, so i think hers is just a confidence thing.

TotalChaos · 08/02/2008 14:19

Have a google for Social Stories by Carol Gray - they are cartoon type stories that help teach social skills to kids with ASD/Aspergers. Even if your DSS doesn't have Aspergers, looking at the sort of stuff designed for kids with Aspergers is at worst going to be irrelevant, rather than risk doing him any harm iyswim. A good school may well already have special group sessions to help social skills etc, might be worth you and your partner speaking to school Senco about this.

Marne · 08/02/2008 14:24

Not sure about riding a bike, we are buying dd a bike tommorrow, they don't have to show signs of all the traits to have aspergers though, some children just show a few traits. Dd1 is a very bright child, she's only 4 and can read. write and do simple sums but she finds it hard to walk up and down the stairs and finds it hard to be in a room with people she does'nt know.

I think it gets harder for them as they get older as they start to notice that they are different from others.

cosima · 08/02/2008 14:33

look into movement therapy

frazzledbutcalm · 08/02/2008 14:35

How bright do you class as bright Marne? dd also 4 and she can also read, write, do sums, but she's learning all these things at school anyway. She doesnt like strange surroundings, people she doesnt know, change of routine. Never liked nursery til the day she left! Problems settling into school, i bring her home for lunch 2/3 days a week otherwise she just can't cope with the situation. I've always thought its just coz she's a homebird and needs to see me but sometimes i think its more than that.

Marne · 08/02/2008 17:22

Dd has'nt started school yet (she starts in september), i only class her as bright because she seems ahead with reading compared with her friends at nursery. Dd took 5 months to settle at nursery and like your dd she hates change of routine and strange surroundings. She has only just got the hang of going up and down the stairs, she also hates loud noises such as cars, hoovers etc.

She has to be assesed for aspergers at the hopital but i have always thought she was just shy and like your dd (a homebird).

Fingers crossed she has'nt got it but the worrying thing is dh shows traits of aspergers so it may run in the family.

juliet123 · 08/02/2008 19:51

My son's a bit on the antisocial side, although when he's at home with just me he's lovely. Apparantly he spends all day winding people up at school. He's an only child which does not help. I've tried sending him off to out of school clubs but had to stop him from going after hearing the little children talking about a girl's baby cat (if yoy know where I'm coming from). I didn't want him around kids like that! Mine's gifted, I think he's conducting some sort of social experiment on how to p*ss people off. Can be very rude and have exlained to him how his actions affect others until I'm blue in the face.
It depends what your stepson is like towards his mum. Could be resentful towards her situation. have you thought about sending him to the scouts or is this not cool enough? I send my son to a breakdancing club. He has a great time but I sit outside and worry that he's winding people up. I have a friend who is a psychologist, suggests books on social rules and making people feel valued. I take him out of the house as much as I can so that he can meet new people. when we are watching the news and there is something sad on I will tell him that the article makes me really sad and I try to encourage him to think about the people involved. this works quite well. Good luck.

whirly · 09/02/2008 07:13

Marne and FBC, it does sound like your DC have a lot of the traits, plus it is known to run in families. my friend's DS is being assessed - VERY bright - maths, but fantastic reader and writer of very complex information texts, no probs with coordination, hates too much noise, change of routine, faddy about food... Finds social situations difficult unless with people he knows and likes and talking about things that interest him.
But it is not all negative - did you see that 11(?)yo who steered the car to safety off the motorway when his mum blacked out - he was aspergers. if you do get a diagnosis, it will really help you with strategies of how to handle them. And the school!

Majorca · 09/02/2008 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frazzledbutcalm · 09/02/2008 17:01

Thanks whirly. I've kind of talked myself into the fact that dd is just shy and homey. But sometimes a doubt creeps in but then i think, well she has no probs with co-ordination, no ocd habits, i think she 'gets' people when they talk so i think im maybe reading too much into her school probs.

Original poster

moominsmummy · 10/02/2008 08:39

oo thanks for all the posts - sorry not replied before but DS who is 3 has just come down with chicken pox.

i don't think is aspergers as he has no trouble with bike riding and isn't particularly good at maths etc. he does have loads of confidence which is great. he did have glue ear for a long time and was really very deaf when he was about 3 and 4 so his speech was behind for a long time (and still isn't great) i think that at the time his brain should have been learning how to speak, listen and communicate socially he couldn't hear a thing so missed out alot

will look up that book on amazon majorca - thanks

OP posts:

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