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School Incident - 9 year old with ADHD

6 replies

Rainbow19912001 · 12/02/2023 20:01

My 9 year old with ADHD has been really struggling in school since the start of the school year. He is currently not medicated but this is due to change soon.

He has experienced bullying in school over the past month, children are winding him up to get a reaction out of him. I have been to the school and explained that my son, although in the wrong for lashing out, shouldn't be the only child getting told off. The teacher agreeded and I requested that they monitor him more closely at school due to his impulsive and reactive behaviours. I'll add he's never done anything like this in school until the bullying started.

Last week, one child wouldn't share and told my son that he was going to watch him struggle with his art project rather than share. My son after a while got so upset and angry that he threw something at this child's leg, it happened to be a pair of scissors that were in his hand. After he had done it he realised what he had done and got really upset. The teacher told him off in class, gave him the consequences and the other child didn't have a mark or cut on him. At home, I told him off, did all the usual remove his privileges and had a talk about what had happened.

This child's parent has messaged me over the weekend demanding I take my son to her house and make him apologise to her son for what's happened. She's saying that he doesn't have ADHD, that it's bad parenting and a lack of discipline. I've obviously told her that's not going to happen and have approached the school headmaster for support as he said the class teacher dealt with it in the appropriate manner.

I'd be so upset if another child did that to my son and I can understand where she is coming from but he's already apologised with the teacher and separately in school at playtime. I can't keep expecting him to say sorry to satisfy a grown woman who's got no understanding about my child's struggles in school.

I'm sorry its long but I don't know what to do, any advice would be great.

OP posts:
JS1809 · 12/02/2023 20:15

Hi!

I am a secondary teacher and a senco, although I'm interpreting this as an incident in primary school?

I absolutely agree with everything that you have said. Not that I need to tell you this, but ADHD is a medical condition which makes anyone (adult or child) do impulsive things. This definitely sounds like an impulsive reaction that your child has made because of a stressful situation that he has been in. You have done everything you can to try and help the situation and he (and you) shouldn't be made to apologise over and over again.

Would it be worth writing the other mum a letter with some final words (could include) one last apology (if necessary) and direct her to the ADHD Foundation website?

I hope everything gets sorted for you and your little boy!

Rainbow19912001 · 12/02/2023 20:44

Hi,

Yes, this has happened in a primary school.
Unfortunately, I have wrote back to her and explained but her response was horrible.
I already struggle with having a child with ADHD and a nearly 3 year old who is Autistic, it's not what I needed on top of everything.
ADHD is a very misunderstood condition, he's been labelled as the naughty child and never gets invited to parties. The other parent have completely excluded him from everything, it's soul crushing because he hasn't been like this until this year.

OP posts:
JS1809 · 12/02/2023 20:55

I can't even imagine how that must feel. Must be so upsetting for you and for him. I suppose whatever you say to this mum, she won't be happy with so go with your gut and shut it down. Maybe, just don't respond to anything that she says. Keep going with all the positivity you will be giving him, he will need as much of it as he can get from you ❤️

user1495827045 · 14/12/2023 19:51

Please.can I ask how he got diagnosed for Adhd and what behaviours he was showing as this sounds like my 9 year old son? (Undiagnosed)

Supersares · 17/12/2023 06:47

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If I were in your situation, I’d firstly try to speak to the parent face to face or on the phone . Be really nice and calm, apologise on your son’s behalf even. I’d explain your son’s version of events too as she’s only heard her child’s version.
Be extra loving and kind to your son and gently reinforce that throwing things is unacceptable.
It’s tough being a parent sometimes but I’ve had similar situations with my children and understand what you’re going through. Maybe suggest a meeting at the school with the other parent? I’d definitely go into school if you can, to try and find a way through this for everyone. Good luck x

oldnorsesaga · 18/12/2023 05:32

don't do contact with that parent. Let things settle. You'll just drag arguments over the period.

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