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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Pls help!!! She just will not settle

30 replies

Hainzy · 07/02/2008 22:37

Pls can someone help!
My daughter is now 6 months and, since bout 4 wks she has never been settled. She started on solids at bout 2 1/2 months,as she never seemed bother bout milk.She eats really well (5 meals a day)and loves food.
I just can not seem to do anything to get her to settle.
She cries/screams on and off all day long,but you can never tell what she wants.One minute she is playing happily then she just strats screaming out of the blue.With my older daughter she had a different sounding cry for what she wanted, but this time round i cant seem to figer it out. She goes to bed eaisly at bout 7pm but wakes then at 11pm and then all through the night. I have tried giving her milk and water through the night but she never wants anything(only to be nursed back off).
The crying/screaming just doesn't stop.I am finding it hard, so is my 2 year old daughter.

OP posts:

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gigglewitch · 07/02/2008 22:43

really don't know what to say, but it must be so hard, you have my sympathy. have you tried keeping a food diary? see whether that has anything to do with it? has the GP seen her or suggested anything?

Original poster

Hainzy · 07/02/2008 23:03

I've taken her to see the Health Visitor with a food diary and they just seem to think that shes just not ready to settle. I have an appointment with the GP next week, as her grandparents took her out on the weekend and they cound not get over how un settles she was. I just dont no what to do or try next.

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 07/02/2008 23:05

i would say that she is just a little baby that wants her mum. it's ok to nurse her back to sleep.
you've already found that giving her more food doesn't work- because that isn't what she wants, it's to be close to you and secure

Original poster

Hainzy · 07/02/2008 23:34

I love the fact that she wants me. Is it ok to be nursing her off all night? Most nights she is in bed with me by 2am as i have spent from 11pm till 2am in and out of her room trying to get her to settle. She not awake,just crying. I just feel im doing something wrong.

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 07/02/2008 23:40

well, if you are happy nursing her and it makes her happy then continue. there is no right or wrong I don't think.
a lot of people are more than happy to continue nursing their babies/toddlers at night. Other people don't like it and go down the sleep-training route.
Personally I am happy to feed ds2 to sleep for as long as he needs it.

Nannies · 08/02/2008 14:48

It is not ok to nurse all the way through the night.If you continue to do this it will cause problems for you in the future.I understand it can be heartbreaking but you need to leave her to settle herself no matter how long it takes, and be consistant do the same thing everytime you have to be strong it will work

Habbibu · 08/02/2008 14:50

Nannies, can I suggest that "in my opinion" should have preceded your post? You'll find many many people on here who do not agree and have not had the "problems" you speak of. Nor that a six month old child "needs" to be left to settle herself.

frazzledbutcalm · 08/02/2008 14:57

You have my dd1! She was awful as a baby - never happy, cried a LOT, BUT was a fab sleeper at night. I only got through some days knowing she'd be in bed at 8 - you haven't got that though, poor you. dd is now 8 and is stubborn, awkward, headstrong, independant. I think yours may be the same. I used to always think there must have been something wrong with dd, otherwise why would she cry so much? But there wasn't, its just how she was.

Snippety · 08/02/2008 15:24

IMO it's fine to nurse her back to sleep. I've co-slept with my son (now 7.5 months) since he was born. He's gone through periods of waking and feeding frequently and also of sleeping through. It has been affected by teething, colds, growth spurts, innoculations etc etc. Sometimes I just have to put my hand on his belly to get him asleep again, sometimes I get him latched on and he drops off straight away, sometimes he has a longer feed. He has started solids in the last month or so and is still having one feed most nights (against the HV's advice). TBH I don't expect him to sleep alone until he is 3 or 4, although I know of co-sleeping kids who have chosen to sleep in their own beds before that age. It works for my family which is all I can say - if it makes you both happy I would say it sounds right for you too.

blueshoes · 08/02/2008 15:28

Hainzy, you have my sympathies. If you have eliminated all medical issues, and your dd is still unsettled, it could, as frazzled said, be just her personality.

I found Dr Sears to be of great help with understanding my high needs dd: The Fussy Baby Book. Check whether your dd fits within the traits.

Although I never found anyone in RL with similar babies, there are people on mn who have lots of experience with them. They are fiesty children and become super adults. But they just need to get through the frustrating baby stage - if you can survive it.

blueshoes · 08/02/2008 15:32

Hainzy, if there anything that does settle your dd, just keep doing it. Don't worry about bad habits.

Does your dd like to be carried? If so, get a sling. Take her out for lots of walks - somehow just getting out will make you and older sister feel better.

Your dd will get better once she starts sitting up, crawling, walking, talking. The more she can do for herself, the happier she will be. It just takes time. It will get easier, hth.

mcnoodle · 08/02/2008 15:35

Agree with blueshoes re sling. Ds was a very unsettled baby, and he was either in a sling or feeding for most of his first year.

You could also try cranial osteopathy. It definately helped us. Do a search here for threads and see what you think.

You have my sympathy.

Original poster

Hainzy · 08/02/2008 20:18

Thanks for the support. There is nothing that settles her at the moment, so where can i get a sling from and how much are they.
mcnoodle - I have posted another message re: cranial osteopathy. A friend recommended it to me but dont no anything bout it. How many sessions did u have to go for, and can you recommend one.

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 09/02/2008 18:20

hainzy, try sasaslings.co.uk
you can hire a few first to see which suits you

Looby34 · 09/02/2008 19:28

hainzy - I really feel for you but I have to add to nannies post. about 3 weeks ago my friend who has a ds of 9 months posted on here asking for advice as when her dd wakes in the night and the only way he will go back off to sleep is if she nurses him.

she doesn't feel he wants the milk - just the comfort. he's back to sleep in no more than 5 minutes and she's left lying awake for ages !

i guess it comes down to whether you're happy getting up a lot in the night. i wouldn't be and neither is my friend but a lot of the other posters on here are, so it depends which camp you fall into.

i'd definately try to cranial osteopathy as have heard good reports of this helping children.

good luck

Meandmyjoe · 10/02/2008 20:21

Hi, I have exactly the same problem with my baby boy. He too is six months old and is awful in the day. I pace around with him until I ache. Sometimes I convince myelf there must be something medically wrong with him but my health visitor has dismissed this as he sleeps so well at night that he can't be in pain. He cries and whinges pretty much all day and has done since being about a week old. I'm so sorry that you don't even have the luxury of a good night's sleep as mostly I am counting down the hours til 7:30pm when ds goes to bed and sleeps between 11 and 12 hours a night (thank god!). Without this I'd go nuts and I really feel for you. Plese keep us posted on what the GP says and how things turn out. I'd keep helping her to sleep for now but try and get help in the day. I have no one to help me as my husband works long shifts in the day as do my friends and family and it's tiring, frustrating and heartbreaking what you are going through. This isn't what we imagined motherhood would be!!! You are not alone, I know it doesn't help much but please know that I am going through the same thing! Good luck and best wishes x

nedmum · 10/02/2008 20:27

Hi I posted pretty much the same as you a couple of months back - screaming, unsettled baby, no clues of what was wrong (if anything concrete), just so so so needy. I was also pointed in the direction of Dr Sears, which helped reassure me that some babies were like this (and they generally turn out to be lovely older children). And, couple of months on, now we're sitting and wandering round in baby walker (opinion may be divided on these), and it is all completely different. DH and I eat meals at the same time, when DH is at work, I can get a few things doen while he's chasing me round the kitchen, it's great. I think its just some babies don't like being babies, and being so completely helpless. When they get that tiny bit of independence, it makes all the difference. Re. sleeping - also much better, wakes a couple of times, but generally just needs shh-ing back to sleep. Hope this offers some hope

ib · 10/02/2008 20:29

Hainzy, sounds like ds. Took us ages to get a diagnosis but turned out he had really awful reflux. Once he went on medication he changed practically overnight! It was so distressing, particularly when he seemed to be fine one minute and then suddenly started screaming!

He used to do the whole 'nurse for a few seconds' thing as well. As it was explained to us, milk has antacid properties so would calm down the heartburn for a little while.

nedmum · 10/02/2008 20:29

While DS is chasing me round the kitchen, not DH. Chance would be a fine thing

lennygrrl · 10/02/2008 20:32

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Hainzy · 10/02/2008 21:10

Thanks for all the support. I have an appointment booked with a cranial osteopath on thursday so will let u know how it goes.

OP posts:

Snippety · 11/02/2008 11:51

Hainzy, slings are fab. You can get a lot of advice and support here:

www.slingmeet.co.uk/forums/index.php

and here:

www.thebabywearer.com/forum/index.php

If you can get to a local slingmeet you can usually ask someone to try out various different kinds. I made an expensive mistake buying a Mei Tai which are very popular but which didn't suit my DS. Now have an Ergo which he loves.

Meandmyjoe - I totally sympathise with you. My DH leaves the house at 6.20am and isn't back until 7pm. All my family are in North Wales.We moved here to Colchester (from a 6 month stint in Holland) when I was 7 months pregnant so I didn't go to ante natal class or have a chance to make any friends. I've found it SO hard. Luckily I made one really good friend soon after DS was born; without her I really think I'd have gone under.

Meandmyjoe · 11/02/2008 21:38

Thanks snippety. I must admit, although dh does work 6:30am til 7pm, he does get fairly regular days off and he is great with ds. Just hard to feel so alone most days. I'm glad to hear that you have a friend to help you cope. Maybe I ned to get out more lol!

Original poster

Hainzy · 14/02/2008 22:22

Well today was the day for my daughters 1st treatment. It all went ok. Didn't no what to expect at first but the outcome was worth it. I have never seen anything like it.He hardly done anything but has made the world of difference.Once he finished she closed her eyes and just fell asleep.This was the first time she has fallen asleep on her own in 6 months. For the rest of the day she has been like a different baby, smiling, talking, just happy.I know its only the first day i just hope this will be the start of somehting new for us.

Thanks for all the advice and support x.

OP posts:

Meandmyjoe · 15/02/2008 07:47

Wow that's incredible news! I really hope the progress continues for you. You must be so happy knowing that she is a bit more content. I'm really pleased for you! How many treatments will she need?

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